I am grateful today to be alive. I might be having a really hard month. I am having a good day. Good or bad either way I am grateful to be alive to live even through the pain. Some days might be hard and I have to push myself even harder to keep moving. I will never give up. Today I ask you to find one thing you can find to be grateful about. Whatever that one thing is hold on to it, and don’t let go. Keep fighting no matter how dark everything may seem. You will make it through but only if you don’t give up on yourself. Keep fighting. Have a blessed week. ~Emma~
Tag: words
Who is your favorite historical figure?
King David from the Bible. It took me a few minutes to really think but he is definitely my favorite. David wasn’t a good person, he did many things that would classify him as a bad person. He committed murder, adultery, envying his friend, he wasn’t a good person. Yet while reading the Psalms book you learn his real love was God. Jesus refers to him as David the one after my own heart. King David wasn’t perfect but that’s the whole point. No matter how far he was from perfect he loved God with all his heart. That can’t be denied and hence why he is my favorite, he is truly an inspiration.
Write about your first crush.
I don’t remember my first crush due to having a lot of ECT done on me. So if I was just to take the last 10 years. I had a crush on someone I play a game with. He is sweet and an amazing human being. We are just friends which is nice. So even though I have a crush on them it doesn’t go beyond that.
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is being myself. I am completely unpredictable, chaotic, lost, even sometimes just dumb. I can be completely passionate about things, I love with no apologies. I love whole heartedly and without boundaries. I am loyal and never try to be something I am not. Being myself is the best part of myself. Because just like a painting, like all art, what is beautiful to me may not be for you. Love me or hate me I am always me. ~Emma~
Passion
What are you passionate about?
I am passionate about everything I do. When I write my poems I am speaking from my heart. When I make books I love spending the time to create something. When I play my games I love helping my teammates and being part of team. When I dog sit I take care of the dogs like they are my own. When I make videos I spend time making everything perfect. I don’t do anything I am not passionate about. With that said it does carry a heavy burden. For what I give I never get back. I give my all but not everyone appreciates the time and effort. The care I take with everything I do. Instead it’s kind of just thought of as silly. But like I said I don’t do anything I am not passionate about it’s why I do it. Because it makes me happy to have completed something I gave my all.
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
The most important things needed in my life to live a good life is…
One- my relationship with God. I have nothing without Him in my life. Through the darkest times in my life he was the only One that has always been there never leaving my side. For me I can’t have a good life if God is not in it.
Two- my health. When I speak of my health I don’t just mean healthy life style, eating food and working out. I am also talking about my mental health. It is just as important to eat well as it is to have good coping skills, seeking therapy, having a back up plan. To some this might seem silly but for a person who has mental health issues it’s extremely important to stay on top of your own condition. It is a way you can learn to grow and become a more independent person and not be in the dark space of mental illness. I am a firm believer in having these skills and ways to help one always know when they might be sliding down a path they can’t come back from.
For me having both of these no matter how dark life may get, no matter how many people you lose life is always good.
Am I the problem
Last night I got into a fight with someone. He is a friend or I would like to think we are friends. Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend or just someone that annoys him. I was upset because I don’t have many friends so after the death of my beloved Spencer last Friday I was feeling really down and depressed. I spent an hour crying and after crying I got super mad. Maybe I pointed the anger the wrong way which I can admit but it also made me wonder why this person didn’t even reach out to see if I am okay. We spoke several times through the day but not once did he ask. Maybe I am wrong to have expected anything from anyone only setting myself for disappointment. But I truly believed it was different with us that our friendship was genuine and true. But maybe the only fool was me for actually believing that we were friends. Or maybe I thought of the relationship as more than it was. I really don’t want to believe that but then again I have been told I am delusional, chaotic and a drama queen. So adding to that growing list, clueless and stupid wouldn’t be that far out there. I wanted to end this on a positive note so I will finish with this. After telling this person I was mad at them, would not talk to them because I was pissed that they didn’t even reach out. I was told that it was my choice to not speak to them and when I do decide to speak to them they won’t be around. Which brings me back to my main concern which is am I the problem and was it my fault that caused the situation. Am I the one who is being unreasonable with just expecting someone to just reach out to see if I am okay. Or am I just dumb to even think of us as friends? I leave the question to you hopefully you can answer me. It’s clear his answer will be nothing but crickets so I do hope someone can give me some good advice. Maybe I am delusional but I don’t know what to do. I keep giving my heart in these friendships and I am constantly abandoned by the same people that say they will be there. Maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there. Am I the problem? ~Emma~
Cut ties
Stop waiting for people that don’t give a crap about you to accept you. You look for validation from people that should not even be on your radar. So my advice, from my own personal experience is to just move on, do not look back. Whoever is left behind, never deserved to be in your presence. Have a blessed weekend. ~Emma~
List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?
The Bible, it’s impact has changed the lost girl in the darkness to one filled with hope. The flowers in the attic is second because of it’s dark tale. A twisted story of love, hate, family and how abused the kids would never really grow up to be normal. So many I have read throughout the years. Last is probably lord of the rings. Though it is more than one book yeah maybe I can’t include it because it is a series of books. Prayer Warriors that’s a solo book. It’s a really good book about praying and when asking God we must be careful. He speaks about the most dangerous prayers to ask God. It truly is a book worth reading. I guess series books would be in another category. Though flowers in the attic is technically a series you can read the one book and never read the others. I did that for a long time and it was fine with the story of the escape. But there are many books I could write down but I will stop here.
Push yourself
What fears have you overcome and how?
The fear of trying new things. After being sick for so long I was afraid to stray outside my comfort zone. After years of trying I just couldn’t do it but finally about a year ago I started to push myself more and more outside my comfort zone. It started with making books that would help others with mental health issues. Books for coloring, books with puzzles, crosswords anything to use as a coping mechanism. I learned during my own time these things helped me. By November of last year I started a YouTube channel Emma the Mizfit. Again pushing myself further out, the channel is small. Doesn’t have many members but I did it to help others that struggle like me. It has music videos for healing that I made. I even share my own experiences. Recently, I started an Etsy store, again pushing myself out more and more. The fear of failing never entering my mind because my focus is to try and get out of my safe space. The only way to get rid of the fear is to try and overcome it. If you fail you can always try again. will it be easy no, but it’s worth trying so you can grow to become the better version of yourself. Have a blessed day.
Emma the Mizfit 