Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~
Tag: thoughts
Finding love
How does one truly find love? Now I am not talking about the love of family, friends or even the love of God. Though all these are important, I am speaking of love from a partner.
I believe there must be a connection to the person, whether that be a person that is attractive to you by some sort of beauty, personality, a quality that makes them more outstanding than others.
I am one that personally goes by the smile I see on a man. For me a man that has a beautiful smile is absolutely a must. Not anything other than the fact that when a man has a genuine beautiful smile it usually means he will make me smile. I love to smile and I love to have someone that makes me laugh.
In a world filled with so much darkness it’s nice to have a companion that can make you smile. Smiling can change anyone’s day. It’s like walking into work and passing by a coworker that greets you with a genuine smile and says have a beautiful day. Somehow that makes you feel better, it brightens your day, it lightens your mood. Did that coworker know all that m, probably not nor did they probably think about it. But that coworker just changed your day. I use this as an example because it has happened to me and I am sure it has happened to you. It’s why I always speak about smiling because you never know whose day you might change just by a smile.
So this brings me back to love a smile is a definite for me. I have not found love yet and maybe when I find it I will know. It is extremely hard to find love today for the simple fact many men search for beauty, youthful girls and I cannot compete with a 20 year old. That just isn’t happening I have accepted that and I am completely fine with that. There are a lot of things girls that are single will do that I won’t. I have respect for myself and expect the same from the man I date.
There has to be more than just a smile that connects two people. There has to be more than attractiveness that connects two people. Both are fleeting and won’t make anything last.
There has to be things other than outside appearances that connect two people to truly make you find that connection. Common goals, common dreams, common beliefs, these are things I truly believe make connections last longer. Leading to the path of find love. Being able to have conversations with that person about anything because you trust them. Or even sit in silence with that person that is a connection very few have.
Love is a feeling. I love music, I love writing, I love walking dogs, I love playing with dogs, I love the seasons and when they change, I love Christmas, I love roses and how they are full of thorns. I love having conversations with men and learning about what they like and don’t like. I love hearing about passions. I love being myself and I love finding someone whom I can be myself with. I love a lot of things.
So I guess finding love is somewhere in between all that. Love is more than just feeling it’s also having that connection with a person. Going through the pain, happiness, sadness together that is love. Have I found it, not yet. But one can never lose hope. Hope is eternal and I like to keep hope alive always.
Dragon Stole My Heart: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
The other side of the world, I still think of you
Coming from two different cultures I still want you
Knowing that it will never be a possibility I still wish for it
Seeing your smile brightens my day
Seeing you laugh, makes me feel
Giddy like I want to play
I dream of the day I get to kiss you
I dream of the day I get to touch you
I dream of your laughter in my ear
My fingers running through your black hair
My hands touching your white pale skin
It’s only in my dreams that I get to see you
It’s only in my dreams that I get to be with you
To hear your laugh, to touch your skin, to feel your lips
The day may never come, that I may never get to do any of these things
But for now, as I fall asleep, I know that I will get to see you there. Good night my sweet Babe
Ordinary World: Duran Duran
Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio
Still I can’t escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is the life that I recognise? (Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
“Pride will tear us both apart”
Well, now pride’s gone out the window
Cross the rooftops, run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is my friend when I need you most? (Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ahh-ah-ahh
Away-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay
Oh, oh
Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Fear today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh-ooh
Here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
(Every world is my world)
I will learn to survive
(Any world is my world)
I will learn to survive
(Any world is my world)
(Every world is my world)
Time
Do you need time?
Everyone needs time. Time to heal, time to think, time to relax, time to pray, time to be alone, time to be around people you love. It’s like each season, as the summer finishes the autumn breeze sets in, after the autumn breeze has settled, the chill of the winter sneaks in. Time is the only thing that is constant in this world. I also believe that time is only on the planet earth. As a believer in God. God does not exist in time nor does anything else around him. Only the humans trapped in this world experience time. It’s how we keep a hold of when and how we began or when it will all end. But it’s pretty clear in the writing of the Bible God does not exist in time. So I am confident in saying that I don’t believe anything outside our world is based on time. Science can try to calculate, they can try to figure out but the truth is no one will know till our time has ended. So that is pretty much my own thinking of time.
Making choices
Sometimes we try to make things fit together when they don’t belong together. Sometimes we try so hard that we forget somethings were never meant to be. It’s hard to admit, we think we can control things, only to learn we control nothing. It’s something we all must learn the hard way. Either through pain, tears or just experiences. We control nothing but ourselves and even that is hard sometimes. Learning to try and control your emotions, feelings, crazy outbursts or drama is hard. For myself it seems sometimes like a never ending battle to try to gain control of myself. I hate feeling pain and rejection, it’s something no one ever gets used to. Pain you learn to just embrace without letting it drown you. On the other hand rejection makes you feel as though you did something wrong. You ask yourself, what is it about myself that makes me not likable. Sometimes it might be your fault, allowing the wrong people in, allowing people that don’t deserve your love. This isn’t about being better than another person it’s about finding out sometimes some things are not worth fighting for. Time pardons no one and doesn’t wait for one to get their crap together. We must learn to move forward without looking back. It’s okay to learn from our mistakes and grow from them but it’s better to not dwell there. I know how hard it is, I myself am trying my hardest to move forward without looking back. I don’t want to let go but unfortunately like I said before time pardons no one. Life continues to move forward we must learn to do the same. Either we move forward or stay the same, doom to repeat the same mistakes. Have a beautiful weekend. ~Emma~
Mental Health Awareness Month
As Mental Health Awareness Month begins, I hope everyone finds time to reach across to someone who might be in need of help. Just call a friend, check in see how they are doing. Sometimes kindness goes a long way so please again just reach out to your neighbors, friends or family. It’s okay to not be okay. You are not alone. Have a blessed day. ~Emma~
Start the day with a smile 😊
There will always be those people in the world that relish in causing misery. They don’t enjoy seeing other people happy or mildly content. It’s like some thing they refuse to comprehend. Instead of changing their own perspective. They dwell in the mentality that my life is crap so who cares. It’s an extremely narcissistic view of life and completely selfish. It’s quite sad when you think about it. Life is too short to be mad and hateful towards anyone. We all carry our own burdens and inner demons, that we must fight each day. Most don’t seem to understand that there are so many opportunities to find happiness in the little things. Such as the beauty of the day that you have just started. Instead, they’re too busy focusing on poor me and my woes. So today, I hope you have a wonderful beautiful day regardless of the crappy people in the world whom try to cause misery. I hope your day is filled with sunshine and rainbows. I hope that it will be a beautiful bright day for you. I also hope that you make someone else smile today. Be the change you want to see in the world. And maybe just maybe things will change for the better. ~Emma~
Don’t be afraid
Even if you express your affection to someone and they reject it. Don’t give up, someone else will accept you. So never be afraid of telling someone you like them. It makes you courageous and teaches you accept rejection with grace. Learning and growing is a part of the human experience. We must all learn and grow if not we will never be the best version of ourselves. So never stop growing, never stop learning and even in the face of rejection remember you are stronger today than you were yesterday. Everything happens for a reason, so embrace your chaos. Courage is not found in hiding who you are. Courage is found being confident in who you have become. Grow, learn and be the best version of yourself. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Today
Today has been an extremely busy day for me. I am working on like 4 different projects. I would like to say that keeping as busy as I am now, does distract me from feeling anything. Which I would like to say is a good thing for the moment. Sometimes the best way to keep from thinking or dwelling on something is to keep busy. So if you are having a rough day just remember you aren’t alone. Many feel the way you feel. Just try to focus on one blessing today. One victory no matter how small it may be. You can get through this day you just need to believe in yourself. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 