Why is loyalty an expensive expectation? It’s not like it’s not earned. It is something you have to work for and when it’s given to you, it should be cherished. Yet so many are not loyal. Not loyal friends not loyal to their family not loyal to their country Not loyal to their partners.
If I myself asking this question over and over again, why can’t people be loyal? Is it because of the disloyalty of Adam and Eve? Are we meant to carry the same sin of disloyalty towards others?
It might be that simple maybe not I could be wrong. I hope Someone proves me wrong. If not, I will die knowing that loyalty is something many just don’t get.
Wondering how long you have waited for me. I know you look for me. I know you refuse to let me know that you’re watching me. You watch my every move wondering what I will do next. You can’t help it, it consumes you. You want to walk away and never look back but you can’t. Don’t worry darling your secret is safe with me.
I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.
You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.
I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.
I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.
I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.
Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.
But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.
As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.
I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
I have grown into a better version of myself. I have learned from my mistakes and changed my perspective on life. I think it’s easy for us to forget that in order for us to keep moving forward. We need to focus on something greater than ourselves.
I am learning to be more confident in myself and more comfortable in my own skin. If there is one thing I can change about myself, it would be to stay more silent.
I was once told by an old acquaintance that sometimes it is better to not say anything or be comfortable in the silence. I never understood what he meant until I started taking time for myself in the silence.
There is such power being in silence and not having to fill the silence with words that mean nothing. Taking time to reflect or be comfortable in the silence is extremely powerful.
I never got to share that with him, that he taught me an extremely important lesson. And though our paths may never cross again, I am grateful that he did teach me such an important lesson.
Sometimes being in the quietness amongst the chaos of the world is absolute freedom.
So if I have to change about myself it would be to spend more time in the silence. Thinking my own thoughts, listening to the words of other people around me just being comfortable in the silence.
I absolutely trust my instincts without a doubt. I was one that used to doubt myself and my own instincts. But as I got older and more aware of how people behave it became extremely clear.
We all meet people the kind of people that don’t sit right with us. It’s not judging them without knowing them or anything like that. It’s more like something inside you is telling you, something about this person gives off this strange vibe.
We write it off as being paranoid or just thinking about it too much. Later on we find out boom the person wasn’t trust worthy, and completely backstabbed you.
I used to a be a firm believer give everyone a chance. If I am kind and loving they will be the same. Instead I lost a lot of time on people that didn’t deserve to be in my life. I even lost myself for a time, chasing after a bunch of losers I thought were friends. They weren’t friends, they were users.
You know the kind of people that use you for a time and then turn their back on you like if you meant nothing.
That is because you meant nothing to them. You were replaced with someone else. People like this don’t deserve to be in your life. Even if they have changed and you meet again wish them luck and move on.
I feel strongly that our basic instincts are God given and Him speaking to us. But we are so used to thinking that can’t be true. I strongly believe and feel that your instincts turn out right because it was God warning you. So instead of not listening to our instincts we need to learn to trust them. Because there is a reason God gave us this gift. Learn to use it to protect yourself.
I have learned many lessons the older I got and the first lesson was always trust my instincts. Because every single time it has been right. Hope you all have a beautiful day.
Disappointed is some thing I have become very familiar with. Just when you start to feel comfortable around people you find out that they are complete jerks. You want to try to do your best, you wanna to fit in but when you realize that you don’t, it’s doesn’t seem to matter as much. As I have gotten older I realize that I’m more comfortable in my skin. As time flows by I realize that the people that I want in my life, won’t ask to be in it. If you don’t want to be in my life, leave. I will never ask you to be in it. If you feel that you want to leave, I am not going to hold you back. I want you to be able to want to stay. I don’t want to be second place, I don’t wanna be the default choice I want to be the one that you choose. If you can’t do that, and if you feel like you’re missing out then by all means walk away. If you think that I’m going to sit here and beg you to stay, you’re wrong. I’m an extremely loyal person and if I can’t get that loyalty back, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about making the wrong choices. It’s about knowing my worth and I know I am worthy of being loved and being happy. Surrounded by people that want to be with me. Surrounded by people that love me for me. Surrounded by people that accept me for me.
People are like seasons, in the summer you feel the heat of some peoples love. In the winter, you feel the chill and cold you see the real face of people that hide it so much to not show. In the spring, you might find the warmth of the sun that makes you think people can change. Like a rose that is blooming. But just like the autumn season, you see the beautiful colors of change and right before winter the leaves die, the flowers die, and everything dies right before the cold of winter. People are exactly the same way. You may never get to see their real cold side. You may never get to see the blooming rose in the spring and you may never feel the heat of summer, but you definitely get to feel the autumn right before the winter when everything has died.
Some things need to be let go of, I won’t hold you to your word. I won’t even try to win you back. I won’t even try to talk to you to reason with you. Because in the end I chose me. And my choice, I chose to walk away. Because in the end you are not worth fighting for. If you feel, I am not worth fighting for I think we are exactly where we are supposed to be. On the opposite of friendship. You make time for the people who mean something to you. Let this be a lesson to learn that letting go or walking away is more powerful than being surrounded by snakes.
Anyone trying to take away our freedom of speech. Anyone that continues to use the words “hate speech”. Anyone that is pushing laws trying to control what anyone thinks or says. Anyone that is pushing approved words that can and cannot be used. This is something I refuse to move on because without the freedom to be able to speak or free expression we are no longer free. This goes against everything the United States stands for. Call me radical all you want here are some quotes to help remind you why America is so great.
“Without freedom of thought there can be no such thing as wisdom; and no such thing as public liberty, without freedom of speech.”
“Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.”
“Freedom of speech is a principal pillar of a free government; when this support is taken away, the constitution of a free society is dissolved, and tyranny is erected on its ruins. Republics…derive their strength and vigor from a popular examination into the action of the magistrates.”
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
“Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God” (proposed by Franklin for the motto of the Great Seal of the United States).
All these quotes are from Benjamin Franklin
We must keep fighting to keep our right of Freedom of Speech.
When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.
I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~
Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.
I was shopping for furniture one time. I remember talking to the sales guy. He was extremely polite of course he needs to make a sale. Interesting fact when I made the purchase as he is entering my name in the computer. He is shocked at my name, he asks about my name and about me. Come to find out he fell in love with my name and had no idea where it came from or its origins. He heard the name before but never knew what it meant. Of course I don’t share that story with many for they have no clue what or why I am talking about it. So it doesn’t matter really here. But I still remember the encounter and him asking me out. He was extremely kind, older than me and I am such a sucker for a man with a nice smile. It didn’t lead anywhere but it was a positive experience.
Emma the Mizfit 