Tag: stronger

CLOSE: written by Emmanuelle -Rose Grace

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He touches my hand

I feel nervous at his side

I can feel the chemistry course through my veins inside

It’s almost like an electric current

I look into his eyes but turn away

He pulls at my face leaning in

Utters words I want to hear him say

“Don’t be afraid darling I won’t hurt you.”

Many have pretended to be there

His words feel like magic filling the air

The rain is all over us, the splat splat splat sounds makes me shiver

He pulls my close and tells me sweet words

“You are my flame together we will burn forever.”

I look into the distance and see the lights of the city

But as we walk together in the rain I feel my heart just patter

He grabs my hand and we run through the drops of water

Getting all wet seems so silly

But finally we reach his place

He covers me in blankets to make me feel safe

He leans down grabs my face

As his lips touch over my cheek

I start to feel warm inside

And he pulls up my face looking into my eyes

Green on blue he kisses me taking me deep inside

Oh how I love being with him this way

Our lips touching feeling each other out

Feeling his tongue slide over my neck

Makes me buzzed on a high

Damn what is it about him that makes me feel so alive

~Emma~

New video

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Feelings ?!?

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What do you say to a person that is your friend that you may have feelings for them? You don’t want to ruin what you have but you can feel all these things you never knew you felt. Stupid I know, that’s what I keep saying. Don’t fall into old patterns. And it’s stupid because he is not like any other person I have ever met. Is it stupid? Am I crazy? To feel like I genuinely like them. I don’t know maybe I am stupid and completely reckless with my heart. But it’s like when we speak, even speaking of him being with another person, my heart feels something. It’s dumb I know. I just don’t know anymore. He makes me question everything. He makes me feel like I can achieve my goals. I can find my own happiness and it just feels like he takes joy in me becoming a better person. I know I shouldn’t even entertain the ideas, if I do it will just mess up our friendship. I love our friendship I don’t want to ruin that I want to be honest and just love him. Maybe just being his friend is enough love and not expecting anything back. I am stupid I know but I do know I don’t want us to not be friends. He is extremely important to me and I can’t lose him. Not over emotions that I am sure he doesn’t have. So I will stay positive and allow time to do it’s thing. Just working on myself. Yes I am sharing my own personal crazy thoughts. I hope the new day brings you much love and a beautiful day. Remember be the reason smiles today. ~Emma~

Words to live by

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Stay tuned

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I was going to write my blog today but decided to make a video about it. So stay tuned.

Pretending to be okay

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Even when people think you are the happiest doesn’t hide the tears in your heart. Even with all the smiles we try to pretend everything is okay, even if we feel like we can’t go on. They say time heals all wounds but it’s hard to believe when your chest is bleeding on the floor. It’s hard to truly believe anyone will ever be by your side, when you look and don’t see a soul around you. I know how hard it is to stay positive and on my down days that is how I feel. That is how I feel at this moment. Completely and utterly useless, it’s hard to pretend to be fine when you feel that way. It’s hard to talk, it’s hard to think, it’s hard to explain, it’s hard to exist. But we cannot give up because the enemy wins. At the end of the day, we need to keep fighting to stay calm and in the light. It is through the light we find a little bit of peace. ~Emma~

Words to live by

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Some people will always be weak and cowards. Stay away from those kind of people. They only cause pain and heartache. They will never think of anyone first but themselves. So save your self the trouble and never allow those people back in after they have left. They aren’t worth your time.

Positive Christmas turn

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Last night was fun and today is peaceful. I am grateful to have my family that accepts me even at my worst. I knew the other day I lashed out it had been a while since I went so down so fast. Maybe it was being sick and down that drove to lose control so easily. But the truth is I still need to find better coping skills to keep me ahead of the twists and turns. Life is extremely unpredictable and I need to learn to cope with I can control which is myself. There will always be a trigger always something will change my moods. It’s learning and finding new ways to adapt to the chaos that I must learn to master in myself. I know I am not alone, I trust in God and I know somewhere someone else may be experiencing the same thing. It is through that I must learn to find ways to keep fighting. The mood swings can happen but learning to keep calm and being aware is something we must all learn. Learning to lean on those that support us is a good thing. Therapist, group therapy, God, family, friends whatever it is keep finding good coping skills to help you find the strength you have. I learned last night not only God gave me the strength but my family did also. It was through that support I have in place that gave me the chance to speak to them, to trust in them and allow myself to vulnerable with them. Having the conversation and being completely open with them helped me enjoy being in the moment with the whole family. It was truly an amazing night that I will remember for a long time. I hope your Christmas was blessed. As I said to everyone yesterday remember we celebrate Christmas because it was the gift that we got from God in Jesus Christ who came and died to save us. We celebrated His birth. You might not believe but this what I believe and I am willing to stand on that rock always. God has given me so much and Jesus isn’t just my king, he is my friend, the lover of my soul, He knows me in ways no one will ever know and it’s a comfort for me. To have trust and faith in someone I can feel in my heart. Without God I would not be here it is through his love and Grace that I am at peace tonight. I send you some of that peace that maybe you can have that inner peace starting this new week. Have a wonderful week, filled with many blessings. ~Emma~

Written in the afternoon before Christmas Eve family gathering

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Today wasn’t any better my mood spiked to further level of down. Sat on my bed crying for about an hour before trying to find something to wear. I wish I could say I felt better and I did this morning when I woke up. I got up and decided to try and smile and put myself to work doing different things to get excited. Unfortunately something triggered me into a downward spiral of just feeling like completely angered and out of control. The truth is I knew it was happening but couldn’t stop myself from just losing complete control. I did end up in my room pleading with God to help me, I cried as I laid in bed. I finally got up again and here I am getting dressed, trying to get excited for tonight and smile for everyone around. One of the most important things for me, is to know when I have lost control and try avoid things that will bring me into that state of mind. It’s one of my coping skills and asking God just for the strength to get up again is enough for me to get up. I did cry in a full blown crying fit and as I write this I am still not carefree. It’s a matter of knowing I will never be “normal” like others and learning to just be happy being myself. It’s not easy I wish I could say it is but it is not. It is something I must fight everyday, every single morning and throughout the day. If fighting bipolar was as easy as taking a pill and walking around happy everyone that suffers from it would be happy. Unfortunately reality is much more harsh than some dream pill to make you feel like you are normal. It’s a fight that you have to be willing to fight and if I can fight it so can you. So if you reading this right now and suffer from it or know someone that suffers from it. Just know you aren’t alone and it’s extremely hard but you can do it. And to all those whom hold the person that suffers from the illness don’t give up because they need you more than you will ever know. I do hope this Christmas is blessed for all of you. ~Emma~