Life Update and Advice

Life is good I am extremely blessed. Grateful that God gives me the strength I need to keep going.

I have disconnected from many in my past and let them go. No hard feelings simply moving on.

Sometimes we forget not everyone is meant to be in our life. They are just tiny lines or a chapter in our book of life. But they aren’t meant to play big roles.

Once you have learned this life lesson it becomes so easy to simply let them go. Don’t ever ask anyone to stay that has chosen to leave your life. Take them as side characters or NPCs in your story.

They have a role to play but that’s it nothing more. So be grateful for the life you have and the lessons you learn.

God is good all the time. Have a blessed week. ~Emma~

Birthday

My birthday was the other day and it got me thinking. I am incredibly grateful for each and every single day I wake up. I know everyone doesn’t get to do the things that they have or that I have. I know some people don’t have the people that they have in their lives and I am extremely lucky to still have my parents and my family involved in my life.

I think after a certain age, you stop actually counting as you go up, but you are incredibly more blessed and thankful. You concentrate more on the things that you do have and not the things that you don’t have.

You think of all the ways that you have survived, the battles that you fought and still walked away. With scars and sweat and blood dripping down, it made no difference because you still walked away stronger.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and filled with gratitude. Just because you don’t think God exists or is working in your life doesn’t mean that he isn’t. God is always working in your life. God is always blessing you sometimes it’s just not the way that you expect things to be. So as I go to another year, hopefully with God‘s blessing. I hope I’m able to do all the things that I wanna do and all the things he wants me to do. I want to show him as my greatest joy in my life because God has always and will always be my greatest love

I can’t do anything if God doesn’t give me the strength the will and the power to do it. I owe all of the blessings I have to my Lord and Savior. So as I reflect on the year that has passed and the year that’s coming I hope and pray that this be the year that God grant me the one thing I’m asking for. But either which way my life is in his hand and it’s all in his timing. ~~always, Emma~~

Summertime

My summer has been good extremely busy season. The dogs are roaring in and out so very busy time for me. Though it is a busy time I do get to enjoy the beauty of summer, then bbqs, the flies that are everywhere, the lantern flies that seem to grow bigger each year. The flowers, the birds, the ants that want invade Luna’s living area. The heatwave, the air conditioning that I sleep so well in, my room is like a freezer.

There are so many good things and bad things but most of all I am grateful. Regardless of the bugs and the heat the summer is beautiful. It reminds us that nothing last forever and the season will become cold and dark again. So enjoy the moment or season you are in now. It won’t last but make the best of the season and be grateful for it.

You never know what is around the corner of life. So take time out today to thank God for this beautiful day. As they say time doesn’t stop and is completely unforgiving to anyone. So take time to be in the moment and sit in gratitude. ~~always, Emma~~

🤫

Wondering how long you have waited for me. I know you look for me. I know you refuse to let me know that you’re watching me. You watch my every move wondering what I will do next. You can’t help it, it consumes you. You want to walk away and never look back but you can’t. Don’t worry darling your secret is safe with me.

Finding freedom

There is nothing more disappointing than when you have friends and family but realize they don’t have your back. It’s sad but it also reminds us that the only one we can depend on is ourselves. It is better to be reminded of this harsh reality than to constantly think we have others by our side. It’s the most freeing thing one can imagine. Everything you do, everything you accomplish comes from within you not from someone else. Not from those that doubted you. Not for those that never once believed in you. Not those that thought they would watch you fail. Instead those who were your biggest haters can watch from the back of the stands. Don’t acknowledge them, don’t even give them the satisfaction of your presence. Instead walk by them like the strangers they are. Freedom is learning to live without the fear of being alone. Embrace it and be free. 

 Christ is King 

Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. He has given me, joy. He has led me through the pain. Through my darkest night and times in my life, he led me to the light. As we reflect on this Good Friday, the sacrifice that Jesus Christ did. He bore our sins so that we may have a chance at eternal life. I ask you is something missing in your life? If it is, I ask you to turn to Jesus. Jesus is the way he is the king. He is salvation. I ask you to turn to Jesus and accept the gift that he has given to you. Have a wonderful, beautiful blessed night. He is risen.

To the One with No Name

I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.

You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.

I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.

I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.

I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.

Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~

Surrounded

Even while sitting by people whom you love doesn’t change the fact they don’t see you. Doesn’t matter how many times you have spoken to them you are still invisible.

I am used to people being this way around me. Doesn’t change how much it still hurts. While also making me stronger for each and every single encounter that comes along.

People surround themselves with people just to stop the silence. But I find in the silence I am more comfortable. Is that good thing? I don’t really have the answer for that. I do it makes me more comfortable in who I am and not whom others expect me to be.

It’s extremely important to learn about yourself while also learning to be comfortable around others. Life is never going to go your way. So it’s best to learn how much you care and how much you don’t.

That doesn’t mean closing everyone off. We need people in our lives. We are built for community. So learning to be alone and learning to be comfortable around others in silence is also good.

One must learn that sometimes just being there can be a blessing. Never stop being the person God made you. Never stop growing and learning from the life He has given you. Smile and filled with gratitude always. ~Emma~

Pain & Suffering

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Suffering and pain have helped me to grow the most in life. From not getting married after being proposed to so many times, having no kids, to not even get into relationship for years after the darkest sickest time in my life.

It is through suffering and pain we learn the most about ourselves. In the midst of that darkness, I learned that not giving up makes you stronger.

Many years of absolute darkness, suffering and pain gave me a new perspective. Living in the present was developed after years of struggle with the past. But nothing is more powerful than being able to suffer and changing your life.

Learning to let go of things one can’t change and learning to grow into a better version.

I am incredibly grateful to have been able to go through so many difficult times. If I never experienced that suffering, I would not be the person I am now. I’m grateful to God to have let me suffer so one day I could shine bright.

Blessings are the fruit of life. They are to be enjoyed throughout the bitterness and sweetness of life.~Emma~

Scary moment today

Today the scariest thing happened. I was eating across from my mom and she suddenly started turning white. I immediately ran over to her grabbed her hands and asked her what was wrong. She wasn’t answering me. It’s like she was staring at me but like nothing I said she could hear. Of course in full panic I tried again, mom what is wrong please tell me? Are you having a stroke please mom tell me? Tears running down my eyes I kept grabbing her hands and face asking please tell me what is wrong? I started saying please just breathe calm down.

Mom, just breathe take deep breaths. I gave her water and she started drinking it. It seems she was chocking and she didn’t even know. She was able to swallow what was in her throat with the water. I was so scared the panic in her eyes the panic that overtook me was absolutely frightening.

I know one day my mom won’t be here and my dad won’t be here. I just pray that’s not anytime soon. Today was such a scary event and I just I was so scared. I know I’m extremely lucky but I still have both my parents when so many don’t. I’m just not ready to let them go not yet. And I pray to God that time doesn’t come anytime soon because that really scares me.

Thank God everything worked out and she’s fine but it really did scare me. I am so grateful to God that I could hug my mom tonight, smell her hair, hold her in my arms, kiss her and say good night.

Just a friendly reminder to live each day like it’s your last. To love like you will never love again. And cherish each moment because you will never know when that moment becomes a memory. ~Always Emma.~