The advice I would give myself as a teenager would be, “don’t allow anyone to control you. That starts by learning to not react to others. Learn self discipline and learn to control yourself. Learn that you can’t change anyone. Learn that you can’t control the circumstances of life. Learn to grow from each situation. Each thing that happens in life will be for a reason, even if you can’t see that now. Allowing your emotions to cloud your mind, leads to you making choices you might never have chosen if you had a clear mind. So allow yourself time to reflect. Allow yourself time to hurt. Allow yourself time to be alone, away from others. Allow yourself to be comfortable in the quietness of yourself. Never give anyone the power over you and that can only start by controlling yourself. Most of all don’t forget that no matter what, you are never truly alone. God will always be with you.”
I need a break from my feelings. I am one of those people that cares about everything and everyone. Constantly worried about people that no longer have a place in my life. I worry about them not knowing if they are okay or doing well. It’s just a super annoying feeling to constantly have feelings about other people. Especially people that can’t even be bothered to care about you. I know I shouldn’t care, I know I shouldn’t worry, I know I should just ignore it all but I still care. So yeah I wish I could take a break from feeling anything. I wish I could be as heartless as others. I wish I could be free from feelings, unfortunately I am not and it is part of who I am.
I am always complaining about how feminism has ruined our society. Women have shaped our society into a very weak, passive aggressive, crap talking, sitting in the corner, waiting for the approval of other people to make them feel better about themselves. It’s all about projecting to others how they feel. I know other women will get mad about it but honestly it has become this constant conversation of just strong independent woman that don’t need a man. I am sick of it. I have nephew and two nieces and I fear the society they are growing up in. This is not a good thing. Instead of raising boys to become men, strong and take care of their families, they are raising boys into little girls. It’s insane and what is even more insane is how we have continued to allow this insanity to go on. We have let it happen due to our own tolerance. We are now allowing men into women’s sports, into women’s bathrooms, into women’s changing rooms in the name of tolerance. What even angers me more is the biggest loudest feminist are the ones that are constantly saying you are some sort of “ism” if you don’t believe it. Well as a woman I say woman and men are different. We compliment each other and are made that way on purpose. I do believe the woman belongs at home taking care of the kids. If we had more moms taking care of kids and not dropping them off in public schools to be indoctrinated we would have a better society. Now before everyone starts yelling about how I want women to be abused or something, which I am not saying that. I personally feel that women have not helped our society thrive instead it has destroyed the one thing that kept our society thriving. Women were made to be the care givers of the home. My mom is loved us, my dad provided for us. She is our rock, she our foundation, she is the heart of our home. That is what every mom should be but today that is not celebrated that is not the standard. That is where women have failed. Now I want to be clear I wasn’t always thinking this way, it wasn’t till I got older I saw the errors in my thinking. As I have grown and learned more I saw the truth. I am not asking for women to be treated as a second class citizen or to be hiding and not talking. I again believe that feminism is what destroyed what is means to truly be a woman. It has downgraded us and now future generations will have to pay for our mistakes.
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
If I could make my pet understand one thing it would probably be how much I will miss them when they are gone. The life of a dog is so short and time flies right by. They go from pups to old dogs so fast. It’s hard to love someone knowing it will not last but still you love them with all your heart. It’s like when I said in my vlog, I tell people how I feel about them. If I love you, I will say it because I don’t ever want to live with regrets. Life happens so fast and quickly you can be here and gone tomorrow. It’s better to have said your thoughts today because tomorrow isn’t promised. I loved my dog Spencer with all my heart losing him last year was a big blow. But I don’t regret loving him. I won’t regret loving another dog because in the end even the short time shared with them, is worth it.
It’s been a struggle for me the last few months with the ups and downs of the bipolar. I have decided again to try and find another therapist and try to find another group therapy to get into. I know I was doing much better during that time period but the program was cut because of funds. Ofc as we know mental health is the first program that get cut in the health industry. Especially when the state is making decisions as to where money goes. It’s been something I have struggled with for the last 2 years mainly because of the fact that my psychiatrist of many years died in 2020 and my therapist died two years ago. Bipolar ppl don’t deal good with changes and this year losing my another good therapist due to funding in hospital program along with my group therapy that I attended weekly. Adding the loss of my dog, uncle and losing friends. So for a few months the lack of therapy has definitely taken a toll and finally I have no choice but to try and find myself both. Without any therapy I will end up spiraling completely out of control so I know I must get back to the basics and find another. Unfortunately it’s not easy and exhausting to constantly look for another group or even just a good therapist. I write this blog to vent my frustrations with just the whole process and lack of help that is out there for myself and ppl like me. People wonder why there is such a crisis when it comes to mental health, I don’t. I know the main problems but unfortunately I cannot solve them. I have tried endlessly to speak out but no one actually wants to help the mental health community or the effects it has on people. They just don’t care. As in life we must choose to either get ourselves up or let life devour us. I know my story seems silly but unfortunately it’s the truth. I at least have my faith in God which is unwavering. So I know in the end I still hold onto hope. I hope if you read this and have no hope you find some strength inside yourself, ask God for help but do ask for help. hope you have a blessed weekend.
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
I have a Winnie the Pooh bear that was given to me I believe it was my first boyfriend but I don’t really remember who gave it to me. Regardless during my sickness and my darkest time Winnie was always there with me. Every night I went to bed he slept next to me. When I was hospitalized, when I traveled Winnie was always with me. It’s been a couple of years since he has slept with me hugging him but he still is in my room. I think he was my security blanket. When I had horrible dreams he was the one I held tight to. He was my comfort, he is so old and worn from being washed his colors have faded but he is still my favorite bear. When I am down I will still hug him to make myself feel better.
As I have gotten older I have become more conservative. When I was younger g I wouldn’t say I was super liberal but somewhat. As time has passed my views changed. Especially when it came to abortion. The fact that the baby isn’t even considered a human being makes me extremely sad. Many women never get the chance to have a child of their own and you have some women just aborting babies. I am sorry if it comes off as judgmental but the killing of an innocent child should never be celebrated or praised as a good thing. Becoming a warrior for Christ meant defending the innocent. I don’t wish harm on others especially those that have committed such acts. That is between them and God. But as long as I have breath I will continue advocating as a pro-lifer and one that advocates for the mentally ill.
I am the most happiest when I am able to be myself comfortably and completely without having to constantly say I am sorry for being myself. It’s not easy having bipolar, I tend to repeat things and go in circles a lot. I use coping skills and try to constantly remind myself to not do it but I do fail at times. So it’s nice when I can just be myself without worrying about wasting someone’s time. I can actually say I don’t get to be that happy most of the time. The world is constantly asking for people to be themselves but the truth is when it comes to mental health it’s still a topic no one truly wants to understand. Instead they would rather ignore the person or the problem. So I am forced a lot of the time to not speak in order to contain myself. Even around the people I feel the most comfortable with, I am still forced to not be myself. I guess I hope one day I can find someone I can be myself with. If that day comes cool if it doesn’t it’s because it was never meant to be. Someone told me a few days ago faith is my thing not theirs, and yes it is. I believe the Creator of the Universe has a purpose for each person. He removes things in your life for a reason. Is it faith to believe that the path I walk on, is something I might have to walk alone without a man possibly. But I am never alone, I have God with me so it’s okay to accept that journey with just Him by my side. Because regardless if no one ever can truly make feel comfortable or love me being myself God does. He loves everything about me and accepts me the way I am. For me that is all I need.
The last thing I did for fun was dance to Christmas music with three dogs trying to jump on me. They danced at my legs trying to climb on me. It was so nice and fun to just dance in the living room with all their little faces looking at me. I did it today by the way, and it was epic. 🤣🐶❤️
Emma the Mizfit 