It’s been a super moody day for me. I am in such a bad mood, I have tried all my coping strategies to try and change it. Nothing has worked so far unfortunately. Maybe it was the whole weekend I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do about it. I walked this morning with the dogs, played with them, played the game, it’s this sour moody cloud over me that has set in. It has made me just unbearable. Everything is pissing me off, especially things that wouldn’t piss me off usually are definitely pissing me off. I am trying to be the positive person that doesn’t want to get too upset or too down on myself. This morning seemed fine but I quickly turned. I think the problem is me and it’s always been me. I invest so much of my energy to others that I forget about myself. I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like complete insanity yet I still do it. I know just another rant about my thoughts. I hope your weekend was better than mine. I am still grateful for the small victories. It’s just this cloud over me doesn’t feel good right now and I feel I am to blame somehow. As if I was the one that set myself up to fall into the pit. I end this Sunday blog with a small victory for me today. The team(game team) I am currently playing with locked with a seat of power. It really isn’t a big deal, wasn’t even a big seat of power but the amazing feeling of getting that sop brought me back to my first big clan I joined. And when we first locked with our first 3 star. We were so excited about it, from that point on it was a fight every weekend. Took months of hard work but we finally found ourselves holding everything. I bring it up because it was definitely the highlight of the day and it brought me back to a time that was so much simpler. So even in the midst of darkness God shines his light to remind me things will get better. I hope today is a blessed day for you all. ~Emma~
Tag: stay strong
Making choices
Sometimes we try to make things fit together when they don’t belong together. Sometimes we try so hard that we forget somethings were never meant to be. It’s hard to admit, we think we can control things, only to learn we control nothing. It’s something we all must learn the hard way. Either through pain, tears or just experiences. We control nothing but ourselves and even that is hard sometimes. Learning to try and control your emotions, feelings, crazy outbursts or drama is hard. For myself it seems sometimes like a never ending battle to try to gain control of myself. I hate feeling pain and rejection, it’s something no one ever gets used to. Pain you learn to just embrace without letting it drown you. On the other hand rejection makes you feel as though you did something wrong. You ask yourself, what is it about myself that makes me not likable. Sometimes it might be your fault, allowing the wrong people in, allowing people that don’t deserve your love. This isn’t about being better than another person it’s about finding out sometimes some things are not worth fighting for. Time pardons no one and doesn’t wait for one to get their crap together. We must learn to move forward without looking back. It’s okay to learn from our mistakes and grow from them but it’s better to not dwell there. I know how hard it is, I myself am trying my hardest to move forward without looking back. I don’t want to let go but unfortunately like I said before time pardons no one. Life continues to move forward we must learn to do the same. Either we move forward or stay the same, doom to repeat the same mistakes. Have a beautiful weekend. ~Emma~
Finding my own way…
Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?
After I became sick I was on many medications that made me gain a lot of weight. Always being thin I had no clue how it felt to gain so much weight. After years later and I started getting better at controlling my moods I also started to control my weight. Seeing how all the weight was gained because of the medications, I was slowly taken off most of them. With my doctor’s approval. I lost so much weight but I am no where near the weight I was before becoming sick. So I spend my time dog sitting(my business) which helps to keep me active. It keeps me walking and constantly moving. It has helped me mentally and physically taking care of the dogs. I eat healthy meals and focused my goal to return to me original weight. It’s harder now that I am older but I refuse to give up. Learning to live life after being sick and learning ways to combat the slide of any mental illness is not easy. It’s a constant battle for me each day. Dog sitting is one example of my many ways of trying to live a sustainable lifestyle. I find different things to keep me growing into a better version of the person I was yesterday while also learning to live a better day today. It’s not easy but I try to keep my focus and just ask God to help me each day. It takes time to learn how to find a balance within yourself. But it can be done, again not easy but totally worth it when you get there. Finding the path to a healthy lifestyle while growing, learning to become a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically will be beautiful when I reach my goal. As for now I take it one day at a time, one walk at a time, one meal at a time, one coping skill at a time. It’s hard especially when you want to give up when life gets so dark but you must never giveyes up. My number one thing I do each day is thank God for waking me up and I ask to give me the strength and He does. I am still learning to not suffocate people instead enjoy the silence alone. I am trying to learn to take time for myself. I am also trying to learn to allow space for myself for my feelings for my thoughts. While also learning to give people the space that they need. While also learning to give people the space that they need. These are some of the things I do to help me live a sustainable lifestyle. Learning to respect myself and others, and giving time for things to grow. I hope the reading this you can learn something to. Have a beautiful night\day. ~Emma~
My everything…
How important is spirituality in your life?
This isn’t even an issue for me. My whole existence is on knowing that God is my Creator, my Lord, my Everything for without Him I will not exist. I grew up as a Christian went to private schools and was taught since young about God, the Bible and everything else. During my teen years I rebelled like most teens do and decided to keep my mind open. The truth is it is through all those experiences that I went through I embrace God now more than ever.
Never give up never give in
I am grateful today to be alive. I might be having a really hard month. I am having a good day. Good or bad either way I am grateful to be alive to live even through the pain. Some days might be hard and I have to push myself even harder to keep moving. I will never give up. Today I ask you to find one thing you can find to be grateful about. Whatever that one thing is hold on to it, and don’t let go. Keep fighting no matter how dark everything may seem. You will make it through but only if you don’t give up on yourself. Keep fighting. Have a blessed week. ~Emma~
Who is your favorite historical figure?
King David from the Bible. It took me a few minutes to really think but he is definitely my favorite. David wasn’t a good person, he did many things that would classify him as a bad person. He committed murder, adultery, envying his friend, he wasn’t a good person. Yet while reading the Psalms book you learn his real love was God. Jesus refers to him as David the one after my own heart. King David wasn’t perfect but that’s the whole point. No matter how far he was from perfect he loved God with all his heart. That can’t be denied and hence why he is my favorite, he is truly an inspiration.
Write about your first crush.
I don’t remember my first crush due to having a lot of ECT done on me. So if I was just to take the last 10 years. I had a crush on someone I play a game with. He is sweet and an amazing human being. We are just friends which is nice. So even though I have a crush on them it doesn’t go beyond that.
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is being myself. I am completely unpredictable, chaotic, lost, even sometimes just dumb. I can be completely passionate about things, I love with no apologies. I love whole heartedly and without boundaries. I am loyal and never try to be something I am not. Being myself is the best part of myself. Because just like a painting, like all art, what is beautiful to me may not be for you. Love me or hate me I am always me. ~Emma~
What notable things happened today?
As always finding myself in place I don’t belong. I was named Mizfit Queen for a reason and today I was reminded why that is.
Passion
What are you passionate about?
I am passionate about everything I do. When I write my poems I am speaking from my heart. When I make books I love spending the time to create something. When I play my games I love helping my teammates and being part of team. When I dog sit I take care of the dogs like they are my own. When I make videos I spend time making everything perfect. I don’t do anything I am not passionate about. With that said it does carry a heavy burden. For what I give I never get back. I give my all but not everyone appreciates the time and effort. The care I take with everything I do. Instead it’s kind of just thought of as silly. But like I said I don’t do anything I am not passionate about it’s why I do it. Because it makes me happy to have completed something I gave my all.
Emma the Mizfit 