I feel so stupid when we talk. Not because I can’t talk to you but because you make me feel dumb. You say I spin in circles and you are right. I try so hard not to but I am trying to fix that and make it right. I hate the feeling of disappointment I hear in your voice. I hate feeling like no matter what I do you I will never be your choice. I hate that I care. I hate that I become jealous for reasons I can’t explain. I hate that when I talk to you I feel safe. I hate that when I say something you get so mad. I especially hate when you make me laugh. I want to stay mad but can’t. I want to hate you but I can’t. I hate to care and think of you all the time. I know you don’t have feelings but that doesn’t change mine. Lost in the deep sea of reflection. Darkness consuming my mind. Trying to escape in the incoming flood. Lost in the sea of your non existent callous heart. ~Emma~
Tag: stay strong
Best brand I associate with.
What brands do you associate with?
I love Coffee Brand Coffee. It’s really good coffee and if you don’t like Coffee, they have teas and cocoas. Check them out best thing you will ever taste. Coupon code: Mizfit
https://coffeebrandcoffee.com/discount/Mizfit?ref=HPdAp19z_O_l2u
Energy
What things give you energy?
Working out gives me energy, going through one of my bipolar highs gives me a lot of energy. Maybe sometimes a little too much energy it can be overwhelming for others. But two things that give me a lot of energy.
Mom
Mom you are the light in my world You are the stone that keeps me grounded You are my lighthouse on a stormy night on the sea You are stars and moon …
Mom
Things that help me in my daily life
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
I do a few things each day to help me prepare for the day. I don’t know if they work for comfort throughout the day or just helping me to stay focused. I usually start the day thanking God for waking me up, as always. I ask God for strength to get through the day. I also ask God to help me stay focused on whatever things I must complete. I try to stay active, working out in the evening or going for a walk. If I am dog sitting, most of the time is spent either walking them or playing with them. If it’s a day I don’t have dogs I am trying to focus on the things I need to do in the house. I also spend time making videos, in Twitter spaces, blogging and playing games. All of these things are for helping me build what I want in the future. It takes a lot of time and can be extremely exhausting. For instance if you spend time on Twitter trying to get a following you have to be active and in order to be active your followers must see you engaging with them and others which takes time and a lot of energy. I usually spend the night hunting in the game of thrones conquest game. Farming there relaxes me and whenever I feel stressed I go into the game and farm. It helps me to do something mindless without having to think. I will listen to music or put something in the background so I don’t have to think. I do this as a coping strategy and it really helps me. Singing some 80’s songs while hunting critters in the game absolutely makes me feel free from the thoughts of the day. After I have cleared my mind I usually read a verse in the Bible or do my daily devotional. It depends if I did it in the morning or saved it for the night. I will usually spend time talking to God from my bed. The way I see my relationship with God is like any other relationship you have to talk to him. So I spend sometime chatting with him about life my problems and what I would like to do the next day. Again these things work for me and might not work for others. I refer a lot to God because I went through a really dark time and it was Him that pulled me out. For me there is nothing greater than God. If it’s a late night and I am not going to bed yet I watch something that will either make me happy or laugh. I watch a lot of old movies because most of the modern ones are so filled with politics and social issues that I really don’t want to care about while relaxing. Self care is one of the most important things I feel our society doesn’t promote enough. Mom’s and dads need time to relax away from the kids. It’s the same with everyone else we all need time for ourselves to prepare for the next day. Praying or meditating can be a way for anyone to find some sort of peace in the crazy of a busy life. These things work for me and I hope you find they work for you.
Monday
Be a better person than you were yesterday. Find someone and make them smile. ~Emma~
Lessons to learn
I wish I could write from a place of positivity but life is harsh and cruel. I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am also grateful for the tough lessons I must still learn. They are painful lessons but they must be learned, to make a better person. Yesterday, I prayed on some things and this morning I got the answers. It’s not a choice I wanted to make, but sometimes it’s something we must do in order to find ourselves on the right path. There is a saying about dangerous prayers, if you ask God for something what you get might not be the answer you asked for. The answer isn’t always what we want when we ask for God’s help. It’s for Him to take control and if we truly believe that He is in control we must listen to what He is telling us. It might not be what we wanted but it will be the path God wanted us to go. These are what they call dangerous prayers because He will answer the prayer. In my own life I have been blessed to have some of my own dangerous prayers answered. Some in a good way that I was so excited and other times I lost people I loved or doors that closed. I have asked for others in those dangerous prayers and have seen them take a different path right before my eyes. God is working in our lives, we just need to be able to surrender and give Him full control. It might not be what we wanted but the truth is we don’t know the future and if He pulls something from your life it’s because He needs you somewhere else. Like I started this blog, life is harsh and cruel and I want to be the positive hope you see. But in honesty even my hopes are broken when what I want isn’t something for me. We must learn to accept the disappointment and learn to become stronger from the lesson. Not everyone is meant to be a chapter in your story. Some are just meant to be side characters or tiny little paragraphs on one page. They are not meant for more than the lesson you learn and they serve that purpose. It is up to us to learn the lesson and grow from that. I hope you all have a beautiful blessed week. ~Emma~
Romance
What’s your definition of romantic?
I like to think that we all have a little bit of romantic side in us. For me personally the definition of romantic varies probably from others. Romantic isn’t laying on beach at sunset, or taking a long walk holding hands with someone. It doesn’t involve dinner though that is nice don’t get me wrong, all of that is nice. But being romantic for me is more of a man doing something completely unexpected. Something as simple as cooking one of my favorite meals when I am in one of my moods. Telling me how beautiful I am when I feel like complete crap. Giving me kisses on the back of my neck as he slides his arms around my waist. Going out of his way to make me feel wanted and needed in his life. Watching a movie at home while his fingers run up and down my arms because he needs to be touching me. I guess romance for me is more of showing little actions more than just roses, dinner at a fancy restaurant, or buying me some expensive jewelry. You don’t have to be wealthy to show your love nor do you need wealth to be romantic. It’s something you do because you love that person and value them in your life. You want to show them you know their favorite song, dance in the middle of the living room with them because to you that person is someone precious to you. Romance is something that cannot be bought it’s something that must come from inside you. I know when someone loves me and when someone tells me they love me. It’s in the actions that each one takes that shows the difference. But that’s just my thoughts on it.
Grateful
How do you express your gratitude?
Each morning I wake up and thank God for allowing me to wake up. I ask Him to grant me the strength to face the day. At the end of the day before heading to bed I thank God for all the little things. I also thank Him for the big things but especially the little things that I might not give thanks for in my prayer. The way I see it is God is constantly in your day, every single moment of your day, so ofc He knows what you go through. So I might thank Him for one particular thing because I forget when praying at night. So I make sure to include the little things that have slipped my mind and express my gratitude for Him getting me through that moment. We all get overwhelmed by life, other people in our lives, feelings, issues that nag us, things we wish we could change but can’t because it’s beyond our own power. These things make us feel sad, depressed or even just overwhelmed with stress. It is those moments that I lean on God the most. This weekend I was completely hurt by an individual that went out of their way to hurt me. Was it necessary, no it made me feel like crap. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to not get angry to just move on and He helped me. Am I still hurt of course I am but I am also learning and growing, trying to become a better person. I can’t do that alone, no one can. Even when you are having the worst day in the world and your life is completely in chaos, there is still something to be grateful for. You just need to find it and learn to practice being grateful. It is one of my coping skills and it doesn’t always work but learning to be thankful even for waking up in the morning is a start. It’s something I try to live by and it’s something I try to teach others to use as a coping skill. A thankful heart is one that can always find hope even in the midst of darkness.
Future Heartbreak
What are you most worried about for the future?
That we will live in a perpetual state of treating people as others. Meaning, we are living in a society that no longer values other people. The society we live in treats people as if they don’t matter. The constant diminishing of our values of the way we see each other and respect each other is gone. Instead of lifting each other up, you have people tearing each other down. It is what scares me the most with the youth. Trying to live under these rules of what life should be like through TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, whatever app, whatever social influencer, they want to copy their lives after them instead of trying to find pride and respect in each other. It truly breaks my heart.
Emma the Mizfit 