Goodness of God: sang by CeCe Winans

I love You, Lord
Oh, Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah

And all my life You have been faithful, oh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me, oh-oh
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing
Oh, 'cause
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God

Chasing you? Nope that’s a hard pass!

Disappointed is some thing I have become very familiar with. Just when you start to feel comfortable around people you find out that they are complete jerks. You want to try to do your best, you wanna to fit in but when you realize that you don’t, it’s doesn’t seem to matter as much. As I have gotten older I realize that I’m more comfortable in my skin. As time flows by I realize that the people that I want in my life, won’t ask to be in it. If you don’t want to be in my life, leave. I will never ask you to be in it. If you feel that you want to leave, I am not going to hold you back. I want you to be able to want to stay. I don’t want to be second place, I don’t wanna be the default choice I want to be the one that you choose. If you can’t do that, and if you feel like you’re missing out then by all means walk away. If you think that I’m going to sit here and beg you to stay, you’re wrong. I’m an extremely loyal person and if I can’t get that loyalty back, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about making the wrong choices. It’s about knowing my worth and I know I am worthy of being loved and being happy. Surrounded by people that want to be with me. Surrounded by people that love me for me. Surrounded by people that accept me for me.

People are like seasons, in the summer you feel the heat of some peoples love. In the winter, you feel the chill and cold you see the real face of people that hide it so much to not show. In the spring, you might find the warmth of the sun that makes you think people can change. Like a rose that is blooming. But just like the autumn season, you see the beautiful colors of change and right before winter the leaves die, the flowers die, and everything dies right before the cold of winter. People are exactly the same way. You may never get to see their real cold side. You may never get to see the blooming rose in the spring and you may never feel the heat of summer, but you definitely get to feel the autumn right before the winter when everything has died.

Some things need to be let go of, I won’t hold you to your word. I won’t even try to win you back. I won’t even try to talk to you to reason with you. Because in the end I chose me. And my choice, I chose to walk away. Because in the end you are not worth fighting for. If you feel, I am not worth fighting for I think we are exactly where we are supposed to be. On the opposite of friendship. You make time for the people who mean something to you. Let this be a lesson to learn that letting go or walking away is more powerful than being surrounded by snakes.

I wish you the best always ~Emma~

For me.

Describe your most memorable vacation.

I don’t have memories so it’s hard to say. I don’t actually remember and to compare them to what I have done recently wouldn’t be fair. So I would rather describe what my favorite getaway would be like.

Vacation time is the best spent relaxing. Not running around through a park or museum or anything like that. For me spending time doing nothing but enjoying time with family or outside is the best.

The last few days I have gotten to enjoy a mini vacation. I didn’t go anywhere fancy but waking up late was awesome. Sleeping late, drinking coffee on the porch, chatting with my mom and dad was absolutely divine.

That’s what I call a good vacation.

Reminder: Mental Health Awareness

As I have said before May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a list of things that have helped me. I hope they help you. You are not alone.

Also trying to be a better version of yourself doesn’t mean you are weak.

Learning to forgive others for what they have done for you, only makes you feel stronger.

Self care is something we all must do. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will either.

Therapy is a tool to be used not ignored.

I want to encourage everyone that kindness goes a long away.

Coping skills are there to remind you, how to deal with issues.

Praying is one of the greatest ways to heal and find true peace.

Working out helps to make you feel good and give you the confidence you need.

Healthy eating is a way for you to take out the food that makes you feel down. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel sluggish. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel regret. Only eat and drink things that will help you to feel good about yourself. Not to mention that when eating healthy foods you also gain clarity. Stay away from junk food.

Remember journaling is way to put your thoughts down on paper. Even if it feels pointless the thought has been written and maybe now you can let it go.

If you experience any thoughts about self deleting please call for help or ask for help. People are not mind readers and don’t know what is going on. So please do seek help because you are not alone.

Last but not least remember God isn’t just the Creator. He can be your partner, your friend, your guide, your anchor through your life. If you truly need someone always there God is the perfect companion for you.

Feeling down?

When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Till we meet again

Today my uncle passed away surrounded by his loved ones. He was not a perfect man, did many wrong things but the man loved God. His passion for loving The Lord was extraordinary. I didn’t always agree in a lot of his ways, but there is no doubt He loved God and that I respected. He will be missed by all of us. But one day we all be in heaven together again. Laughing and embracing each other reminiscing of a time that past. Though tears sting my eyes my heart is filled with joy. For the pain will subside but the love will be there forever with us. Till we meet again, may God be with you till we meet again. ~Emma~

Happy Mother’s Day

There are many things that be grateful for. On Friday I spoke about not knowing the love of man or knowing how to love in a relationship with a man. With that all said my mom is a superhero. My mother has shown me unconditional love. She has shown me sacrifice, she has taught me the unconditional love that only a mother can give. She has shown me that no matter how much I am wrong or mess up, she will always love me. She has shown me what it is to give your heart and never get what you give in return. A mother’s love is unlike any other love. It is unchanging, it is stronger than anything in life. A mother is one that is willing to give everything to her child and only wants the best for her child. My mother is the best example of what a mom truly is. Though she might disagree with a lot of my life choices, she has always supported me. Mom, I might not say it enough but you are truly an inspiration and I hope I can be half of the amazing woman you are. You are my superhero and you are my rock. Words can never express how much I love you and how much you are appreciated. Always ~Emma~

Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing Mom’s out there. I hope you have a beautiful blessed day.

I am the chaos and the chaos is me….

How does one ever truly learn to treat others than not by the people around them? How can a girl learn how a man is to treat her if the men around her weren’t strong or a good example? How can she learn what love looks like when she doesn’t know? Questions I have asked myself a dozen times. I have never truly found love or been loved by a man because I don’t know what that feels like. Though I might not have the love of a father that showed me how to love and be loved, my mother showed me a different kind of love. It’s weird because my father has always provided for us but has never truly been there, if that makes any sense. I guess it’s why I have never truly found a man to love me. It’s because I have never seen a strong relationship around me. With that said my mother has shown me love beyond words. But I will save that for Mother’s Day. But today my blog is about not having a strong man to show me how love is suppose to be like. Am I doomed to never know what love is? I have given my heart to men that have never deserved my heart. But was I truly in love if I have never known what love was? Love is more than butterflies in your stomach or feeling happy to see someone. It’s a connection, more than just a connection it’s respect, it’s unconditional, and it’s something worth fighting for I assume. Maybe not knowing how to love is a good thing. A chaotic soul as myself will surely find it easier being alone when you feel no one can truly hold you down. It’s easy to fall in and out of love with men I will never truly give my heart to. It’s easy to love someone far away like on the other side of the country because you will never be with them. Falling in love with their soul is easy but it’s truly never real. It’s easy to feel like it is real for the time because it does feel real but as time moves you know it is not real. In the end you learn it was just a connection you had with someone but never truly loved them. So on this Friday night I wonder will I ever fall in love or learn what that feels like. I guess only time will tell for as the night passes, my mind wanders into the chaos of stars in the sky. As the warm temperatures are high I know one day all my questions will be answered. But on this day, this night I sit in the quiet peace of the chaotic soothing sound of silence. Have a blessed weekend my friends. ~Emma~

Change how you see the world.

Woke up this morning feeling good. Grateful to be alive and grateful for sleeping all night. It is extremely important that we are always grateful and practice gratitude. Life is hard it isn’t easy. Each day can be extremely tough on our minds, hearts and soul. But we must also learn to be grateful for the small things in life that bring us joy. The practice of gratitude is something that is small but can change how we see our world. Learning to focus our energy on something as little as being grateful for what we have and not we don’t have changes us. It changes our perspective on how we see the world and how we see our life. I hope today you have a beautiful blessed day. Stay strong you are not alone. ~Emma~