Tag: self care

That’s why

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Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

I’m at the age where I realize I am grateful for the life I have lived. It wasn’t what I set out in my life. Many things happened that took me off the path I wanted to be on. But ultimately it was God that made this path I walk on. For His Will and His Purpose I walk it willingly. I don’t know why but His Purpose is what I live for. So no there is no age or year of my life I would re-live.

Everything happens for a reason learning to accept that is hard. But knowing the path you walk is with God makes it much easier to walk.

Birthday

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My birthday was the other day and it got me thinking. I am incredibly grateful for each and every single day I wake up. I know everyone doesn’t get to do the things that they have or that I have. I know some people don’t have the people that they have in their lives and I am extremely lucky to still have my parents and my family involved in my life.

I think after a certain age, you stop actually counting as you go up, but you are incredibly more blessed and thankful. You concentrate more on the things that you do have and not the things that you don’t have.

You think of all the ways that you have survived, the battles that you fought and still walked away. With scars and sweat and blood dripping down, it made no difference because you still walked away stronger.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and filled with gratitude. Just because you don’t think God exists or is working in your life doesn’t mean that he isn’t. God is always working in your life. God is always blessing you sometimes it’s just not the way that you expect things to be. So as I go to another year, hopefully with God‘s blessing. I hope I’m able to do all the things that I wanna do and all the things he wants me to do. I want to show him as my greatest joy in my life because God has always and will always be my greatest love

I can’t do anything if God doesn’t give me the strength the will and the power to do it. I owe all of the blessings I have to my Lord and Savior. So as I reflect on the year that has passed and the year that’s coming I hope and pray that this be the year that God grant me the one thing I’m asking for. But either which way my life is in his hand and it’s all in his timing. ~~always, Emma~~

Life update

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It’s been a really busy week. A good time of the year because we’re extremely busy, but my allergies have been making my life hard. I am still grateful for each and every single day that I get to wake up in the morning. I thank God every single day for each and every single moment that I get to spend with my mom, my dad, my sister the dog, working out, eating healthy, and and not trying to spend too much time watching C dramas

I have spent more time this week, not being on TikTok, YouTube, or any other social media platform. Mainly because there’s a lot of reasons for you to get angry and I don’t like to get angry. So for my own peace of mind, I have decided to take some time off of the social media platforms.

I am more focused on my relationship with God than I am about other people and their drama and bringing that person down and all the stuff that’s so unnecessary right now. Life is difficult enough. We don’t really need to be fighting for every single thing. I am trying to get my mom to work out more because she’s elderly and I’m trying to prepare her for the cruise next year.

So I spend a lot of time working out with her to get her into shape that makes her more flexible. Not just flexible, but also stronger so that she could have more stamina when we’re walking around. I don’t think people realize how hard it is to take care of your parents as they get older. It’s like dealing with toddlers. Except for toddlers, you can put your foot down but with your parents, they’re adults and you don’t want to belittle them. They’ve worked hard all their lives, and they do deserve to kind of like sit back. Even if I disagree with all the time that they sit back and take naps.

But I am in a really good headspace right now and I think that is the best part of my life right now. I am becoming more disciplined, focusing more on getting stronger building a foundation and spending time with my family and God.

I hope you are all doing well and I hope you have a wonderful beautiful weekend. Stay blessed.~~ Emma~~

To the One with No Name

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I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.

You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.

I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.

I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.

I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.

Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~



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It’s 3:23 AM in the morning, I can’t sleep. My head is pounding and I have a very bad nasal infection I think or sinus infection. I haven’t made any videos since last Friday because I’ve been sick. Hopefully trying to cure this naturally will get me better in the end. I’ve decided this time. I am not taking any antibiotics but instead I’m going to use nothing but natural healing remedies to try to get me to get better.

I’ve spent time in the sauna with essential oils trying to break up the mucus in my chest and sinuses. My head is stuffy, feel like I can only breathe one side of my nose. Being in the sauna has worked tremendously, but unfortunately, it’s taking a lot longer for me to feel better. I have pretty much lost my voice. It’s very raspy and it hurts when I talk. But I am hoping for a good outcome in the end. So while I take some time out to just let my body heal I hope you have a wonderful amazing week.

I know it’s Tuesday morning, but I’m writing this while I lie in bed waiting to fall asleep, hoping I can sleep well tonight. I hope your Tuesday is a wonderful, beautiful blessed day and week. ~Emma~

Letting you in

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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.

But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.

I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.

Can’t sleep

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I am writing this at three in the morning. Today was a really good day. I can’t complain, but I can’t sleep. I worked out, went to PT, did acupuncture, it really was a good day. I mean every day that you’re alive is a good day isn’t it?

Unfortunately sleeping is my biggest problem right now. My dreams have been filled with nightmares of darkness. I get the same ones over and over.

Most of my dreams are centered around seeing things I shouldn’t see. I am usually walking in the city. There are flames and fires everywhere, there are dead bodies all over the place. Everything is destroyed in that and there I am just walking in the midst of all that chaos and destruction. It’s a dream that I’ve had over and over again. I don’t know why I have it yet I dream it over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder if they will ever stop. Right after I start thinking that I get like five dreams in a row crazy dreams. It’s funny because so many people I ask “do you dream” and their answer is always “no”. When I go to bed the moment I fall asleep I am dreaming all night from dream to dream to dream. Hopefully tonight I get to sleep, even if it’s dream and dream and dream.

I hope tonight you have wonderful dreams always ~Emma~

Being comfortable

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What is one thing you would change about yourself?

I have grown into a better version of myself. I have learned from my mistakes and changed my perspective on life. I think it’s easy for us to forget that in order for us to keep moving forward. We need to focus on something greater than ourselves.

I am learning to be more confident in myself and more comfortable in my own skin. If there is one thing I can change about myself, it would be to stay more silent.

I was once told by an old acquaintance that sometimes it is better to not say anything or be comfortable in the silence. I never understood what he meant until I started taking time for myself in the silence.

There is such power being in silence and not having to fill the silence with words that mean nothing. Taking time to reflect or be comfortable in the silence is extremely powerful.

I never got to share that with him, that he taught me an extremely important lesson. And though our paths may never cross again, I am grateful that he did teach me such an important lesson.

Sometimes being in the quietness amongst the chaos of the world is absolute freedom.

So if I have to change about myself it would be to spend more time in the silence. Thinking my own thoughts, listening to the words of other people around me just being comfortable in the silence.

Let go

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What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

Letting go of someone I loved with all my heart. Why? Because sometimes what we want and what other people want isn’t the same thing. So you have to let go.

It’s one of the hardest things you may ever have to do. But it is also one of the best things you can do for yourself.

When you used to…

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I asked last year around September for guidance from God. My prayer is what one of the books I read would be called “dangerous prayers”.

It’s not dangerous prayers that cause any danger. But it’s more along the line praying for something and not knowing how much time it will take or what you will lose in the process. Learning that it’s not going to be given in your time nor the way you want it.

A lot of Christians don’t really believe in dangerous prayers I am one of the ones that has seen dangerous prayers answered over and over again..

Again, dangerous prayers are not causing danger or even asking for some sort of dangerous activity to happen. I guess you can say it’s more of be careful what you’re praying for because you might actually get what you prayed for.

So like I said last September 2023 I prayed for God to guide me closer to him no matter what. In the prayer, I asked God if there is anything in my life that is distracting me or pulling me away from you I want it removed. I don’t care what I lose or the pain caused I want to be closer to You oh Lord.

So a couple months go by and I started seeing people that I was close to just kind of like disappear. So it started with a person I was close to. We spoke daily a lot and as time went on, I started to see a shift and at first I wanted to ignore it pretend like that’s not what’s going on, but then I started to see the distance and it was clear.

After we stop speaking and months went by earlier this year, I started to realize it was God pulling that person out of my life. The reason that God pulled that person out of my life was because that person was a distraction. Someone might say that that’s cruel to say. But for me, my goal has always been to get closer to God. My life mission has always been to be one of God‘s Warriors.

So here we are in November 2024, a year has passed and I haven’t spoken to this person in a good 10 or 11 months. Do I miss the person? Yeah sometimes. But I have also learned to mourn the relationship and move on.

Just today another thing that I loved doing became meh. I wasn’t excited I wasn’t thrilled to be doing it. I just felt nothing. One must be prepared that when you ask for something and you ask obstacles or anything to be removed, they will be removed. Your love for them will be taken away. Your desire to be filled with them will be destroyed if that’s what you asked for.

There are other things that have changed. My love for a lot of things have changed. I spend more time in prayer, more time writing, more time in self-reflection, learning more about myself, and learning to grow from my past mistakes.

It is in this waiting season that I have learned that God has stripped away a lot of distractions from my life. Things that I held onto that I didn’t even think were distractions, but they were. They were distractions from me, developing a relationship with God and for me developing into a better individual for myself, for my family, for society, and for God.

It is in this waiting season that I have learned to let go of things that don’t matter. I have learned to forgive those that hurt me in the past. I have learned that the most important thing in life is to cherish each and every single moment you are alive.

I have learned to embrace each and every single moment. Whether it’s spending a Sunday cleaning with my niece, nephew, my sister, my mom, my dad and my brother, in the garage hanging up Christmas lights. Whether it’s spending Sabbath with my family and drinking cappuccinos with the new Nespresso machine. It’s in those little moments that we’re making memories that will last a lifetime. It’s in those moments that we are truly living life.

I don’t know what tomorrow might bring but I definitely know. I trust God to bring me through tomorrow.

So has God answered my dangerous prayer? The answer to that is yes and no. He is definitely answering the prayer. I just haven’t gotten to the end yet.

I did ask for more than just becoming closer to God. That was my main prayer and still my main objective. But there’s one little part of that prayer that I’m waiting for. I have constantly waited, and God has referred to this moment as the waiting season.

Sometimes we become impatient during the waiting season, but we have to remember that when you ask for something from God he’s going to deliver. Whether it’s through a dangerous prayer like I said before or just a prayer he will answer.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in dangerous prayers. But I can tell you based on my own history dangerous prayers are real just be careful and be ready for the consequences of asking such prayers. It’s all about trust baby. It’s all about trust and having faith in Jesus Christ to answer your prayer.

Remember, God always answers in his time not our own. 

I hope this is a lesson for you to learn and I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful blessed week. Love always, Emma.