It’s the night for me before Christmas Eve. It should be one filled with joy and happiness. Unfortunately with me being sick most of the month I haven’t felt joyful to say the least. I have been reading this Bible plan which talks about Christmas and the true meaning and how much we have forgotten about what it truly means. I guess that’s why I am truly sad about. Christmas no longer is about Christ’s birth. No it’s about gifts and it’s about dinners and what to wear how to dress what to decorate. Today I worked my ass off decorating our family room making sure it is perfect for anyone coming over. As I did that my sister took off with my niece and brother. I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much but the fact that here I am trying to make it perfect for no one. Because the truth is no one cares. I cared and put all my effort into something no one will give a shit about. It broke my heart and made me super angry. Why do I continue the cycle of insanity of trying to make others happy even as I feel like complete crap? Why am I still freaking doing everything I can to make them happy when in the end you truly have no one that actually cares or is even willing to give you the time you want. This used to be my favorite season and I wish I could say it has been one thing that took that from me but it wasn’t. No it’s been a long month of crap that just stripped it all from me and it was today that I decided I don’t want any part of it. My sister and mother say it’s just me throwing my usual tantrum but they don’t get it. How hard it has been on me personally but the truth is they don’t care. No one cares how you feel or how your mind turns. They only care of themselves and what they are going through to actually care about others. They don’t care about you they say they do but the truth is when you feel the loneliest no one is there. So my my friends tonight might be my last post for a few days. But regardless of how my Christmas will be I do hope for you all to have a wonderful one. I wish I could give you a positive attitude but at this moment I am too down to actually be positive about anything. God is my strength and with him I will carry on. No matter how anyone makes me feel I will hold hope by holding his hand. And I hope for the rest of you that feel the way I do at this moment you do the same. Hope by holding the hand of God, you have nothing to lose by holding on to him for strength. That’s the only thing I can give you. Merry Christmas everyone. ~Emma~
Tag: rest
Still sick but still smiling
Trying to stay positive but my body is betraying me. I spend most of my time sleeping. Hopefully this medication will help me get my strength back. I have so much to do. I am missing my group therapy for a second time this month. I really enjoy them but I can’t get through the session with all this coughing. So I am aiming for next week. I hope you have a beautiful day. Don’t forget no matter how crappy you feel things could always be worse. So even through the bad mood or sickness smile, it not only changes your moody ass but others around you. So don’t forget to Smile 😊 ~Emma~
Take some time…
I spend my Friday nights at home. Shocking I know, I also know what one might think “that’s insane, you’re young go out and have fun”! Yes that might sound appealing to many out there but it’s not appealing to me. From Friday sundown to Saturday sundown I rest. Yes just like the Jewish nation of the Old Testament. I am not Jewish I am Christian but I keep the Sabbath. For me it is a way to unplug from the chaos, the outside world and spend time with The Creator. I don’t watch tv, go on the computer, I don’t go reading any articles online, I don’t even touch my phone, wait that’s a lie I listen to music through the phone so yeah I touch my 📱 phone but that’s it. I read the Bible, different books, listen to gospel music 🎶 soft classical music 🎶 and I just unplug! I am not perfect, I am sinner and I don’t even try and pretend to be “good”. I am a girl just trying to survive in a world, a society that tells her to conform or else. So my words today are take time to unplug. Spend 24hrs no tv, no phone, no computer, no restaurant, no going out to hang with friends at a bar, just unplug. Take time out that is why God made the Sabbath not only to show He was The Creator (one of the main reasons) but also for man. He knew what man was capable of. Work, work, work, play, play, play but what about rest? Take that time out each week to unplug and you will see soon, how happier you are for it.
Emma the Mizfit 