Tag: relationships

Feelings

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Do you need a break? From what?

I need a break from my feelings. I am one of those people that cares about everything and everyone. Constantly worried about people that no longer have a place in my life. I worry about them not knowing if they are okay or doing well. It’s just a super annoying feeling to constantly have feelings about other people. Especially people that can’t even be bothered to care about you. I know I shouldn’t care, I know I shouldn’t worry, I know I should just ignore it all but I still care. So yeah I wish I could take a break from feeling anything. I wish I could be as heartless as others. I wish I could be free from feelings, unfortunately I am not and it is part of who I am.

FaceTime

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The most important invention in your lifetime is…

FaceTime it allows you to see your loved ones no matter where they are in the world. Though it will never be the same as holding and hugging the people you love. It gives you the opportunity to speak to them daily. It better than cellphones. Because again you can be with the person see their face enjoy the time together even though you are in different parts of the country or even the world. It’s definitely the greatest invention during my time.

Scars Fade

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How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

Each life event we go through as human beings we either learn and grow from that experience. Or we learn nothing and stay in a perpetual state of victimhood. We are all struggling, fighting our own demons or just simply fighting life. It is through these trials that we become stronger and learn from our past mistakes. Not taking the time to learn from our past mistakes will allow us to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. I have learned in life that we must change our perspective, focus on the goals we wish to obtain and let go of the things that we cannot change. Doing this, I have allowed myself to become stronger and not defined by my past. This has also allowed me to be open about my feelings, my sickness and not hide who I am. It’s given me great strength. It has me freed me to be myself. Growing constantly into a better version of myself. It has given me the confidence that I need to be comfortable in my own skin. I may not be perfect, I am extremely flawed and extremely chaotic but I have learned there’s only one like me. Through time life events are like scars, they never really go away, but they fade. They stay a part of you as a lesson, but overtime you can hardly see them.

White Flag by Dido

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I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you

Or tell you that

But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it

Where’s the sense in that?

I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and

Destruction to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can’t talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of it’s over

Then I’m sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

And when we meet

Which I’m sure we will

All that was there

Will be there still

I’ll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I’ve moved on

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag abobe my door

I’m in love and always will be

Feminism

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What do you complain about the most?

I am always complaining about how feminism has ruined our society. Women have shaped our society into a very weak, passive aggressive, crap talking, sitting in the corner, waiting for the approval of other people to make them feel better about themselves. It’s all about projecting to others how they feel. I know other women will get mad about it but honestly it has become this constant conversation of just strong independent woman that don’t need a man. I am sick of it. I have nephew and two nieces and I fear the society they are growing up in. This is not a good thing. Instead of raising boys to become men, strong and take care of their families, they are raising boys into little girls. It’s insane and what is even more insane is how we have continued to allow this insanity to go on. We have let it happen due to our own tolerance. We are now allowing men into women’s sports, into women’s bathrooms, into women’s changing rooms in the name of tolerance. What even angers me more is the biggest loudest feminist are the ones that are constantly saying you are some sort of “ism” if you don’t believe it. Well as a woman I say woman and men are different. We compliment each other and are made that way on purpose. I do believe the woman belongs at home taking care of the kids. If we had more moms taking care of kids and not dropping them off in public schools to be indoctrinated we would have a better society. Now before everyone starts yelling about how I want women to be abused or something, which I am not saying that. I personally feel that women have not helped our society thrive instead it has destroyed the one thing that kept our society thriving. Women were made to be the care givers of the home. My mom is loved us, my dad provided for us. She is our rock, she our foundation, she is the heart of our home. That is what every mom should be but today that is not celebrated that is not the standard. That is where women have failed. Now I want to be clear I wasn’t always thinking this way, it wasn’t till I got older I saw the errors in my thinking. As I have grown and learned more I saw the truth. I am not asking for women to be treated as a second class citizen or to be hiding and not talking. I again believe that feminism is what destroyed what is means to truly be a woman. It has downgraded us and now future generations will have to pay for our mistakes.

Farm life

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

I would buy a huge farm where I can grow my own food, have lots of dogs, chickens and other animals. Hire people to help me run the farm. I would rescue of bunch of the dogs from the shelter. Yeah even save some of the them cats at the shelter. Build a grand house where my whole family can live. But also build different guest houses on the property so they can stay, while also having privacy for themselves. Though while staying they would have to do tasks around the farm to earn their stay. We would all have to eat dinner together as one family. I know it’s crazy coming from a girl that grew up in the city but honestly I think that would be the best life.

MOMA

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Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.

MOMA also known as the Museum of Modern Art. I live right by the City but have yet to actually visit that museum. It’s crazy that someone can live right next to something so many visitors visit yearly and here I am not sure why I haven’t visited. 🤣 It’s on my list of things to do before I leave this area but still haven’t done it. In fairness there are a lot of attractions by me. But yes it is on my list to see before I permanently leave and I will visit it one day just not yet. There are a few places I would like to visit in this area before I leave.

No regrets

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If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

If I could make my pet understand one thing it would probably be how much I will miss them when they are gone. The life of a dog is so short and time flies right by. They go from pups to old dogs so fast. It’s hard to love someone knowing it will not last but still you love them with all your heart. It’s like when I said in my vlog, I tell people how I feel about them. If I love you, I will say it because I don’t ever want to live with regrets. Life happens so fast and quickly you can be here and gone tomorrow. It’s better to have said your thoughts today because tomorrow isn’t promised. I loved my dog Spencer with all my heart losing him last year was a big blow. But I don’t regret loving him. I won’t regret loving another dog because in the end even the short time shared with them, is worth it.

Fighting

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It’s been a struggle for me the last few months with the ups and downs of the bipolar. I have decided again to try and find another therapist and try to find another group therapy to get into. I know I was doing much better during that time period but the program was cut because of funds. Ofc as we know mental health is the first program that get cut in the health industry. Especially when the state is making decisions as to where money goes. It’s been something I have struggled with for the last 2 years mainly because of the fact that my psychiatrist of many years died in 2020 and my therapist died two years ago. Bipolar ppl don’t deal good with changes and this year losing my another good therapist due to funding in hospital program along with my group therapy that I attended weekly. Adding the loss of my dog, uncle and losing friends. So for a few months the lack of therapy has definitely taken a toll and finally I have no choice but to try and find myself both. Without any therapy I will end up spiraling completely out of control so I know I must get back to the basics and find another. Unfortunately it’s not easy and exhausting to constantly look for another group or even just a good therapist. I write this blog to vent my frustrations with just the whole process and lack of help that is out there for myself and ppl like me. People wonder why there is such a crisis when it comes to mental health, I don’t. I know the main problems but unfortunately I cannot solve them. I have tried endlessly to speak out but no one actually wants to help the mental health community or the effects it has on people. They just don’t care. As in life we must choose to either get ourselves up or let life devour us. I know my story seems silly but unfortunately it’s the truth. I at least have my faith in God which is unwavering. So I know in the end I still hold onto hope. I hope if you read this and have no hope you find some strength inside yourself, ask God for help but do ask for help. hope you have a blessed weekend.

Bear my feelings

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Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

I have a Winnie the Pooh bear that was given to me I believe it was my first boyfriend but I don’t really remember who gave it to me. Regardless during my sickness and my darkest time Winnie was always there with me. Every night I went to bed he slept next to me. When I was hospitalized, when I traveled Winnie was always with me. It’s been a couple of years since he has slept with me hugging him but he still is in my room. I think he was my security blanket. When I had horrible dreams he was the one I held tight to. He was my comfort, he is so old and worn from being washed his colors have faded but he is still my favorite bear. When I am down I will still hug him to make myself feel better.