Save yourself

Sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you will never be good enough for him. It’s something you need to learn, no matter how much you try to be the one you aren’t. So accept the defeat and learn to just walk away. Somethings are worth fighting for, others aren’t worth your time. Learn the difference it will save you time and energy. ~Emma~

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Mom

Mom you are the light in my world You are the stone that keeps me grounded You are my lighthouse on a stormy night on the sea You are stars and moon …

Mom

10 things I believe to be absolutely certain.

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain

One- I believe without a doubt that there is a God.

Two- I don’t know what life was like before I became sick, but I also don’t know what life is like without my chaos.

Three- People are flawed and you just learn to accept that or move on.

Four- Love can only be felt when you have met and known God. For without knowing God one cannot truly know what love is.

Five- Showing kindness to a stranger can truly change their day.

Six- Falling in love with a face is easy but falling in love with the person’s soul that’s epic.

Seven- Death pardons no one. Cherish each moment in life for it is precious.

Eight- You never stop learning from life. For if one is not learning each day, they will never grow as a person.

Nine- Loyalty cannot be bought.

Ten- Trust is given but once it’s betrayed it will never be the same.

Gets better with age

What do you think gets better with age?

You learn to spot fake bullshit people faster. You no longer have the patience to deal with them wasting your time, so you just learn to cut ties. You can say it’s heartless but the truth is life is too short to be surrounded by people that don’t care about you. The older you get the more you understand your time is valuable. You stop wasting time on others. I myself am learning to do this. It’s not easy but we all must learn when it’s time to just walk away from a situation or people. Some might call it being selfish. I call it learning from your past and growing. The beautiful thing about aging is becoming wiser. It’s something you can’t know at 21, it only comes through lessons and time.

Romance

What’s your definition of romantic?

I like to think that we all have a little bit of romantic side in us. For me personally the definition of romantic varies probably from others. Romantic isn’t laying on beach at sunset, or taking a long walk holding hands with someone. It doesn’t involve dinner though that is nice don’t get me wrong, all of that is nice. But being romantic for me is more of a man doing something completely unexpected. Something as simple as cooking one of my favorite meals when I am in one of my moods. Telling me how beautiful I am when I feel like complete crap. Giving me kisses on the back of my neck as he slides his arms around my waist. Going out of his way to make me feel wanted and needed in his life. Watching a movie at home while his fingers run up and down my arms because he needs to be touching me. I guess romance for me is more of showing little actions more than just roses, dinner at a fancy restaurant, or buying me some expensive jewelry. You don’t have to be wealthy to show your love nor do you need wealth to be romantic. It’s something you do because you love that person and value them in your life. You want to show them you know their favorite song, dance in the middle of the living room with them because to you that person is someone precious to you. Romance is something that cannot be bought it’s something that must come from inside you. I know when someone loves me and when someone tells me they love me. It’s in the actions that each one takes that shows the difference. But that’s just my thoughts on it.

Moody AF

It’s been a super moody day for me. I am in such a bad mood, I have tried all my coping strategies to try and change it. Nothing has worked so far unfortunately. Maybe it was the whole weekend I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do about it. I walked this morning with the dogs, played with them, played the game, it’s this sour moody cloud over me that has set in. It has made me just unbearable. Everything is pissing me off, especially things that wouldn’t piss me off usually are definitely pissing me off. I am trying to be the positive person that doesn’t want to get too upset or too down on myself. This morning seemed fine but I quickly turned. I think the problem is me and it’s always been me. I invest so much of my energy to others that I forget about myself. I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like complete insanity yet I still do it. I know just another rant about my thoughts. I hope your weekend was better than mine. I am still grateful for the small victories. It’s just this cloud over me doesn’t feel good right now and I feel I am to blame somehow. As if I was the one that set myself up to fall into the pit. I end this Sunday blog with a small victory for me today. The team(game team) I am currently playing with locked with a seat of power. It really isn’t a big deal, wasn’t even a big seat of power but the amazing feeling of getting that sop brought me back to my first big clan I joined. And when we first locked with our first 3 star. We were so excited about it, from that point on it was a fight every weekend. Took months of hard work but we finally found ourselves holding everything. I bring it up because it was definitely the highlight of the day and it brought me back to a time that was so much simpler. So even in the midst of darkness God shines his light to remind me things will get better. I hope today is a blessed day for you all. ~Emma~

Making choices

Sometimes we try to make things fit together when they don’t belong together. Sometimes we try so hard that we forget somethings were never meant to be. It’s hard to admit, we think we can control things, only to learn we control nothing. It’s something we all must learn the hard way. Either through pain, tears or just experiences. We control nothing but ourselves and even that is hard sometimes. Learning to try and control your emotions, feelings, crazy outbursts or drama is hard. For myself it seems sometimes like a never ending battle to try to gain control of myself. I hate feeling pain and rejection, it’s something no one ever gets used to. Pain you learn to just embrace without letting it drown you. On the other hand rejection makes you feel as though you did something wrong. You ask yourself, what is it about myself that makes me not likable. Sometimes it might be your fault, allowing the wrong people in, allowing people that don’t deserve your love. This isn’t about being better than another person it’s about finding out sometimes some things are not worth fighting for. Time pardons no one and doesn’t wait for one to get their crap together. We must learn to move forward without looking back. It’s okay to learn from our mistakes and grow from them but it’s better to not dwell there. I know how hard it is, I myself am trying my hardest to move forward without looking back. I don’t want to let go but unfortunately like I said before time pardons no one. Life continues to move forward we must learn to do the same. Either we move forward or stay the same, doom to repeat the same mistakes. Have a beautiful weekend. ~Emma~