Today wasn’t any better my mood spiked to further level of down. Sat on my bed crying for about an hour before trying to find something to wear. I wish I could say I felt better and I did this morning when I woke up. I got up and decided to try and smile and put myself to work doing different things to get excited. Unfortunately something triggered me into a downward spiral of just feeling like completely angered and out of control. The truth is I knew it was happening but couldn’t stop myself from just losing complete control. I did end up in my room pleading with God to help me, I cried as I laid in bed. I finally got up again and here I am getting dressed, trying to get excited for tonight and smile for everyone around. One of the most important things for me, is to know when I have lost control and try avoid things that will bring me into that state of mind. It’s one of my coping skills and asking God just for the strength to get up again is enough for me to get up. I did cry in a full blown crying fit and as I write this I am still not carefree. It’s a matter of knowing I will never be “normal” like others and learning to just be happy being myself. It’s not easy I wish I could say it is but it is not. It is something I must fight everyday, every single morning and throughout the day. If fighting bipolar was as easy as taking a pill and walking around happy everyone that suffers from it would be happy. Unfortunately reality is much more harsh than some dream pill to make you feel like you are normal. It’s a fight that you have to be willing to fight and if I can fight it so can you. So if you reading this right now and suffer from it or know someone that suffers from it. Just know you aren’t alone and it’s extremely hard but you can do it. And to all those whom hold the person that suffers from the illness don’t give up because they need you more than you will ever know. I do hope this Christmas is blessed for all of you. ~Emma~
Tag: prayer
Love always
bible.com/bible/1/1jn.4.20.KJVBeing sick 🤒
I have been sick for over a week. I finally get some antibiotics after seeing the doctor this afternoon. Hopefully I will be fine by the weekend so I can try posting again. Hope everyone has a wonderful blessed week. No matter how small the victory is remember to always be grateful for it. ~Emma~
You know Nothing!!!
Today was a long day. Sitting here about to have a conversation with God and wanted to drop few lines. I finished reading the first Dune book. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to the next book in the series. I watched the whole Tim Pool/Kayne thing last night. My heart goes out to Kayne. Unfortunately, the world is extremely cruel to ppl with a mental illness disorder. They don’t understand and they are extremely dismissive about anything coming from someone that has any mental health issue. I really do feel for him because unlike many others that assume to know how it feels or understand, you don’t. It’s not easy and you can be compassionate, understanding and love the person that suffers. But at the end of the day you have no clue how hard it is for them to fight to be heard. You have no idea how hard life is for them. You can watch all you like and judge however you like. But unless you are suffering and fighting every day with mental health problems you have no idea. So please do me a favor to all the ppl that think they know….shut up! You know nothing. What that person needs is love, kindness, compassion, understanding, to feel like they are heard and God. If you can’t be any of those things in that person’s life stfu and walk away. I have zero tolerance for ppl that pretend to know how it feels or how they think it is. You have no clue, so stop. My prayers go out to Kayne and all of you whom suffer from any mental disorder. It’s not an easy fight. You fight each and every day but don’t give up. You are not alone. Never forget you are not alone!!! I might be one but together we are many. Always, Emma~
Thee Lord God Almighty
Lord Almighty, on this damp cold night I thank Thee Oh Lord. Lord this week You have given me the strength to do all the things I needed to do. Lord this week You have awoken me each morning with a smile on my face, no matter the rain or the cold there is always something to smile about. Lord this week You gave me hope, when I speak to You in my quite time with You, I feel Your Presence. Lord this week You gave me a new understanding that no matter what I do The Creator of the Universe shall never leave my side. Lord this week You have protected me and my family from the dangers of this chaotic world. Lord this week You have picked up when I felt defeated. Lord I bow before Thee and Praise You in the Highest for Your Love is Truly Great.
~~your servant~~
The Unicorn
My dearest love,
I know these words will find you one day, after I have long forgotten the way you taste. But in order to let you go I must tell you how much of my mind you once held in your hands. My love for you was one of the purest forms of lust, you will never get to know. For you were driven by the need for wealth, greed and to be so the great. Never knowing, you were the greatest to me and wealth is a matter of the value you place on someone’s heart. Most people search the world all their lives for the devotion I was willing to give you. But you felt your calling was bigger than what we could have had. As sadness fills my heart I still wonder what might have been if you had made the right choices. Maybe that’s the one of the things we will never truly know. It is true life spins us in different circles and love doesn’t pay bills or feed you but my sweet love, living the life you have now is not living. Well, what does selfishness, greed, loveless relationships, meaningless sex, drugs, alcohol, or the endless admiration, truly cost? The only thing that life brings is a huge hole inside yourself, that you are constantly trying to fill with anything that will give instant gratification. The problem with instant gratification is just that, it doesn’t last, at the end of the rush and when the dust settles you are left empty and hollowed inside. Thinking to yourself what am I missing? I have money, women, houses, cars, I can travel anywhere, I am doing good in the world, I am fighting for those without a voice, I am fighting for the world, what am I missing???? I would say me but to be honest the truth is your missing God. I myself, my sweet love, found myself in the very same dilemma you find yourself in now. I had everything, meaningless sex, empty relationships, men giving me what I want, money, anything could have been mine. But I lost myself in that life and found the only thing that I was truly missing was God. So, as these words reach you and you find yourself wondering who is this from? Could this be from the unicorn I have searched for so long, the missing piece I need to be complete? The unicorn writes to you to say, I can never make you happy! For you have no idea what love truly is, as I myself did not know what love was till the day I found God. Through finding Him, I found what love truly is and I was able to see my love for you was not love. Just a desire to be with you, to kiss you, to touch you, to feel your hands in mine, my legs wrapped around you, to have tasted you, to have smelled you, to have run my hands through your hair, to have had you inside me, nothing more than desire. An animal instinct to be with you, a carnal demand. The truth of the matter is I would have gotten bored and tossed you aside like the others. The relationship I have with God has freed me to be the person I am today. Compassionate to others, willing to let my feelings be hurt so others feel better, setting my dreams aside to let another shine, to love others with no expectations of receiving love in return, and seeing the world for all it is. My eyes were opened, I enjoy fighting with my family, making up with them, laughing with them, being passionate about things people think are completely crazy and I love being different. I love being me with all my scars inside and out. I love sitting on my bed at night staring into the ceiling speaking to the Creator of the Universe, and knowing He is there listening to every word even when I rant for an hour. My endless need to find the truth and knowing in my heart only God holds the answers I seek. If there is anything I wish you to take from this is the book of Psalms. During the worse parts of my dark life that book was my life line. And to this day the book of Psalms is my favorite book of the Bible. King David was a very bad man but regardless of being such a bad man Jesus refers to David as the one after his heart. Even with King David’s flaws God saw into his heart and reading that book you can feel David’s pain, his passion, his sadness and his love for God. As I started writing this I had no intention of saying any of this but God is at the center of my heart and I can’t help it, He is My Lord. So, as I end this hoping one day these words will reach you. I pray you do find Him. There is no secret way of finding God, there is no number you can call, there is no one single place to find Him. Get on your knees and call to Him. Tefillah which means prayer in Hebrew. Prayer is the only way to talk to God. On your knees cry out to God open your heart completely to Him and you will see Him show up. You have to be willing to listen to His Words, not what you want to hear. For His Words might not be what you want to hear and most of the time His Plans are never what you think your plans should be. Open your heart to Him, my sweet, I pray this finds one day.
Nothing but Love,
The Unicorn
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Emma the Mizfit 