Wondering how long you have waited for me. I know you look for me. I know you refuse to let me know that you’re watching me. You watch my every move wondering what I will do next. You can’t help it, it consumes you. You want to walk away and never look back but you can’t. Don’t worry darling your secret is safe with me.
Tag: poetry
Names
Today and gone tomorrow will you remember my name.
Will you whisper it to the wind?
Will you shout it from the rooftop?
Will you know what it meant?
Will you remember how I felt?
Will it ever make you mad?
Or will you just be sad?
Time will know the pain but darling will you remember my name?
~Emmanuelle-Rose Grace~
To the One with No Name
I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.
You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.
I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.
I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.
I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.
Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~
Being comfortable
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
I have grown into a better version of myself. I have learned from my mistakes and changed my perspective on life. I think it’s easy for us to forget that in order for us to keep moving forward. We need to focus on something greater than ourselves.
I am learning to be more confident in myself and more comfortable in my own skin. If there is one thing I can change about myself, it would be to stay more silent.
I was once told by an old acquaintance that sometimes it is better to not say anything or be comfortable in the silence. I never understood what he meant until I started taking time for myself in the silence.
There is such power being in silence and not having to fill the silence with words that mean nothing. Taking time to reflect or be comfortable in the silence is extremely powerful.
I never got to share that with him, that he taught me an extremely important lesson. And though our paths may never cross again, I am grateful that he did teach me such an important lesson.
Sometimes being in the quietness amongst the chaos of the world is absolute freedom.
So if I have to change about myself it would be to spend more time in the silence. Thinking my own thoughts, listening to the words of other people around me just being comfortable in the silence.
Goodness of God: sang by CeCe Winans
I love You, Lord
Oh, Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah
And all my life You have been faithful, oh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me, oh-oh
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me
And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing
Oh, 'cause
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Deal with it
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Oh yeah I have had so many. Let’s see I have had a face lift, lip fillers, boob lift, butt lift liposuction but who hasn’t right? Nah I haven’t had any of that stuff done.
We have all had surgeries, life before surgery and life after surgery. Too many to name but probably the most painful one was my back surgery.
Probably it was because even after the surgery I still have a lot of pain. I have just learned to make myself stronger and deal with it. I don’t depend on drugs to take the pain away. Sometimes one just has to learn to tolerate the pain. Once it has become part of you the pain doesn’t overwhelm you.
I am not giving advice on to deal with your pain, I am merely saying how I deal with pain. Like the saying goes what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.
It’s a big scary world out there filled with a lot of pain, hate, anger and just plain evil. You have to learn to be strong and better than that. You can do it my strength comes from God. I hope today you find your strength and don’t allow the world or aches and pains hold you down. Life is too short and beautiful to not embrace the beauty in life. Have a good one. ~Emma~
Finding love
How does one truly find love? Now I am not talking about the love of family, friends or even the love of God. Though all these are important, I am speaking of love from a partner.
I believe there must be a connection to the person, whether that be a person that is attractive to you by some sort of beauty, personality, a quality that makes them more outstanding than others.
I am one that personally goes by the smile I see on a man. For me a man that has a beautiful smile is absolutely a must. Not anything other than the fact that when a man has a genuine beautiful smile it usually means he will make me smile. I love to smile and I love to have someone that makes me laugh.
In a world filled with so much darkness it’s nice to have a companion that can make you smile. Smiling can change anyone’s day. It’s like walking into work and passing by a coworker that greets you with a genuine smile and says have a beautiful day. Somehow that makes you feel better, it brightens your day, it lightens your mood. Did that coworker know all that m, probably not nor did they probably think about it. But that coworker just changed your day. I use this as an example because it has happened to me and I am sure it has happened to you. It’s why I always speak about smiling because you never know whose day you might change just by a smile.
So this brings me back to love a smile is a definite for me. I have not found love yet and maybe when I find it I will know. It is extremely hard to find love today for the simple fact many men search for beauty, youthful girls and I cannot compete with a 20 year old. That just isn’t happening I have accepted that and I am completely fine with that. There are a lot of things girls that are single will do that I won’t. I have respect for myself and expect the same from the man I date.
There has to be more than just a smile that connects two people. There has to be more than attractiveness that connects two people. Both are fleeting and won’t make anything last.
There has to be things other than outside appearances that connect two people to truly make you find that connection. Common goals, common dreams, common beliefs, these are things I truly believe make connections last longer. Leading to the path of find love. Being able to have conversations with that person about anything because you trust them. Or even sit in silence with that person that is a connection very few have.
Love is a feeling. I love music, I love writing, I love walking dogs, I love playing with dogs, I love the seasons and when they change, I love Christmas, I love roses and how they are full of thorns. I love having conversations with men and learning about what they like and don’t like. I love hearing about passions. I love being myself and I love finding someone whom I can be myself with. I love a lot of things.
So I guess finding love is somewhere in between all that. Love is more than just feeling it’s also having that connection with a person. Going through the pain, happiness, sadness together that is love. Have I found it, not yet. But one can never lose hope. Hope is eternal and I like to keep hope alive always.
Dragon Stole My Heart: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
The other side of the world, I still think of you
Coming from two different cultures I still want you
Knowing that it will never be a possibility I still wish for it
Seeing your smile brightens my day
Seeing you laugh, makes me feel
Giddy like I want to play
I dream of the day I get to kiss you
I dream of the day I get to touch you
I dream of your laughter in my ear
My fingers running through your black hair
My hands touching your white pale skin
It’s only in my dreams that I get to see you
It’s only in my dreams that I get to be with you
To hear your laugh, to touch your skin, to feel your lips
The day may never come, that I may never get to do any of these things
But for now, as I fall asleep, I know that I will get to see you there. Good night my sweet Babe
Ordinary World: Duran Duran
Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio
Still I can’t escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is the life that I recognise? (Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
“Pride will tear us both apart”
Well, now pride’s gone out the window
Cross the rooftops, run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is my friend when I need you most? (Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ahh-ah-ahh
Away-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay
Oh, oh
Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Fear today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh-ooh
Here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
(Every world is my world)
I will learn to survive
(Any world is my world)
I will learn to survive
(Any world is my world)
(Every world is my world)
Scars Fade
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Each life event we go through as human beings we either learn and grow from that experience. Or we learn nothing and stay in a perpetual state of victimhood. We are all struggling, fighting our own demons or just simply fighting life. It is through these trials that we become stronger and learn from our past mistakes. Not taking the time to learn from our past mistakes will allow us to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. I have learned in life that we must change our perspective, focus on the goals we wish to obtain and let go of the things that we cannot change. Doing this, I have allowed myself to become stronger and not defined by my past. This has also allowed me to be open about my feelings, my sickness and not hide who I am. It’s given me great strength. It has me freed me to be myself. Growing constantly into a better version of myself. It has given me the confidence that I need to be comfortable in my own skin. I may not be perfect, I am extremely flawed and extremely chaotic but I have learned there’s only one like me. Through time life events are like scars, they never really go away, but they fade. They stay a part of you as a lesson, but overtime you can hardly see them.
Emma the Mizfit 