How do you feel about cold weather?
I absolutely love the cold. I not only sleep better in the winter but in the summer my room has to be 60 degrees while also using two fans. I want it cold, I want to be under my blankets so I can feel cozy. That is the best way to sleep so for me it’s the best.
How do you balance work and home life?
It’s extremely exhausting but it must be done. If you work all the time and never take time for home life you will burn out. Home life is just as important as work life. Working from home I find that learning to make time for things around the house or even time for myself can be extremely hard. But it is something we all must learn to do and find balance. Saturday which is the Sabbath day, is my day to rest. From Friday night to Saturday night I turn off twitter and every single social media app. It helps me to focus on just being in the moment, spending time with God, reading scripture and listening to Christian music like Family Radio. I also enjoy playing with my team on the game. We play together, I listen to them on Voice Chat and it helps me to just not worry about what is happening outside in the world. Again I focus on resting and not stressing myself out. Though to some it might be waste of time but for me it absolutely resets me for the week. If I have a dog that is staying he chills with me. It is something that I feel really is something that everyone should do. No tv no social media just music to relax to. Listening to soft music praying reflecting being in that moment living in that moment. It truly feels good. But hey that’s just me.
Had a dream the other night. Saw a man and woman standing in front of me. Beside me I can hear a male voice. He whispered in my ear Star Dust over and over again. I looked to see but saw no one there. The woman and man wore white. Above the sky was gold stars they weren’t just yellow stars they were gold by the way they glittered. Again I heard the voice star dust, star dust. What it meant have no clue. Maybe I will find the meaning soon enough.
Today I went through one of my journals. It’s funny the things we don’t remember and the things we choose to remember. In this specific book was a letter to my niece. Now the interesting part is I refer to another journal to her in this letter. I wrote it in 2012 and speak of the other journal that I assume I wrote during my time being sick.
I speak of asking her to read the journals of my life to truly understand what I have been through. I even speak about a memory I don’t have in my mind. But the memory was written in the journal at the time. I tell her of the specific memory about a night that it was raining and thundering hard and she said let us pray. “Let us ask God to stop the rain and thunder.” Apparently that’s exactly what we did, and sure enough it had stopped raining and thundering. She tells me “let’s pray again and thank God for stopping the rain and thunder.”
I speak about the memory and reference to it as how close we were and go on about my sickness.
The actual reason I speak about it now, while reading that I thought to myself how much was my choice to not remember. It’s clear I was in the right mind in that particular letter. Yet the memory isn’t there of me ever writing this letter. How weird is it as humans we experience so much but don’t remember so many of the things we experience. We tell the same stories but without remembering all the details of the stories.
In this letter I beg her to read from one of the many journals I have of my life. I tell her to read the brown journal because in that journal I speak about her so much. It’s weird when all your memories are gone and you go back to read things you don’t remember writing.
I am extremely grateful that even though I lost so many of my memories, my journals are my archive. Maybe one day I will write a book completely based on those journals. It seems there are so many things that I experienced and don’t know about. I guess that was always the purpose behind journaling. You write what you feel in the moment. Years later that moment is gone but the memories, the pain, the thoughts you had are there written for you to see again.
I believe I was 12 years old when my mom gave me my first journal. I never thought my life would take so many turns. I am just grateful that it’s written in books I can go back to. Even if the memories aren’t there, I can still read them as if they were. Like going back in time I feel the memory like it’s just a dream.
Do you vote in political elections?
Yes I do vote I think it’s extremely important to vote. Sometimes I believe it won’t make a difference but in truth if I don’t vote I have no reason to complain. Not voting is like not speaking. Regardless of what one might say they still have the right to say it. It might be something no one wants to hear, or might be something worth hearing but if one chooses not to speak they have silenced themselves.
As a Puerto Rican Christian American born in this great beautiful country it’s an honor to live here. To vote for what I believe in. To voice my thoughts, to let my voice be heard. It’s a beautiful thing to have freedoms that many places don’t have in the world.
I am extremely blessed to live here. It’s not perfect but no place on earth is perfect. I vote for my values. Every time I vote I pray before entering the booth. God truly is the Power and he can raise kings or bring them down. So I make sure the person I vote for is one that values America. A person that loves this country. One that believes in the American people. One that wants the American people to thrive. One that believes that We the People have the power and not some lobbyist or agency. It’s what the founders wanted for America. Freedom from tyranny.
As I have gotten older I see more of the value of voting in each election. It’s important for all Americans to vote. If we don’t protect our rights the government won’t. We the People must always protect and remember this is our country and whoever we vote works for us not themselves. If they work for anyone else they needed to be voted out.
Be proud my fellow Americans for God will get us through these dark days. We must trust His Plan. ~Emma~
When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.
I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~
It’s easy to forget why we even spoke. I found you to be incredibly interesting and a mystery to me. As time went on I started to see how truly amazing your thinking can be. It’s extremely important for you to understand that your way of thinking was something I never encountered before.
You were extremely helpful to me in learning about others and the way they think. I appreciate you taking the time to show me how to grow as an individual and to become more confident in myself. Though our paths maybe be different, it was enjoyable to have you during that time.
Our paths may never cross again but I did want to take time to thank you for being there. I learned a lot about myself and my own journey that I must take to grow. I also learned that communication and compromise must always be there, in order for anything to work. Regardless of the relationship, lovers, friends or family, communication and patience are a must. In order for any relationship to succeed one must be willing to compromise, understand and trust one another. Without those main elements the relationship will not be successful at all.
So even though we don’t talk anymore and time has gone by. May the next chapter of life, wherever it may take us, be a good chapter. So regardless of the outcome it was well worth the wasted time we spent together. ~Emma~
Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.
I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.
Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.
Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~
I was told the other day I need to find myself a partner. So there is a whole back story but what is interesting is how people just assume so much about me. I don’t compare my life to anyone. I have complete trust in God no matter the path I must walk. Even if it means walking this life alone with just Him. I am doing what I thought was the right thing. Which by the way is the right thing to do. But somehow this individual took it upon himself to tell me this and how I need to find someone. Why would it interest someone, my love life? Don’t really know but it seems it was advice no one was asking for. I sure as hell didn’t ask for his opinion or advice, yet somehow he took it upon himself to give me life advice. Kettle meet pot.
At first I was completely offended. How dare this MF call me a loser? I mean isn’t that what you would assume he meant by his words, that was my first response. My second response was far more of and angry AF swearing like this man isn’t even married and he has the audacity to talk about me? Wtf!!!
After much thought and reflection I realized who the fk cares what some a hole thinks. My life doesn’t revolve around some a hole that thinks he can pass judgement on a day in my life that he has never lived.
I am not going to sit here and say “living my best life.” That would be a lie. I struggle, I work, I do a lot of things to keep myself busy. I run a business. I am working on a book. I don’t do one thing, I am doing many things. I spend time on social media because in order to do anything on social media you have to build yourself up. Which means spending time on social media interacting with others on social media that’s how you gain a following. People think that’s not work but it is a lot of work. A lot of time you don’t get paid for.
Either which way I did realize that this person doesn’t know crap about me. Made assumptions based on my time playing the game and came to the conclusion I need a man. Well darling I do need a man. A real man one that can treat me good and is a God fearing Christian man.
My path is the one I am building that God is helping me build. No one knows where it will lead but God does and that is enough for me.
So thank you Mr kettle for pointing out how I need a partner. Hope you got to laugh with friends while calling me a loser. Darling, I have been called worse and to be honest after this blog I will never think about it again. Life is too short to be dwelling on things that can’t be changed. I am focusing on my goals and heading in that direction. So thanks for the advice no one asked for.
Yes that is my rant. Nite y’all. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 