Tag: pain

Reminder: Mental Health Awareness

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As I have said before May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a list of things that have helped me. I hope they help you. You are not alone.

Also trying to be a better version of yourself doesn’t mean you are weak.

Learning to forgive others for what they have done for you, only makes you feel stronger.

Self care is something we all must do. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will either.

Therapy is a tool to be used not ignored.

I want to encourage everyone that kindness goes a long away.

Coping skills are there to remind you, how to deal with issues.

Praying is one of the greatest ways to heal and find true peace.

Working out helps to make you feel good and give you the confidence you need.

Healthy eating is a way for you to take out the food that makes you feel down. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel sluggish. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel regret. Only eat and drink things that will help you to feel good about yourself. Not to mention that when eating healthy foods you also gain clarity. Stay away from junk food.

Remember journaling is way to put your thoughts down on paper. Even if it feels pointless the thought has been written and maybe now you can let it go.

If you experience any thoughts about self deleting please call for help or ask for help. People are not mind readers and don’t know what is going on. So please do seek help because you are not alone.

Last but not least remember God isn’t just the Creator. He can be your partner, your friend, your guide, your anchor through your life. If you truly need someone always there God is the perfect companion for you.

Feeling down?

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When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Life lesson

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Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.

I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.

Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.

Ordinary World: Duran Duran

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Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue

Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio

Still I can’t escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some’d say

Where is the life that I recognise? (Gone away)

But I won’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say

“Pride will tear us both apart”

Well, now pride’s gone out the window

Cross the rooftops, run away

Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?

Crazy, some’d say

Where is my friend when I need you most? (Gone away)

But I won’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ahh-ah-ahh

Away-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay

Oh, oh

Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed

Fear today, forgot tomorrow

Ooh-ooh

Here besides the news of holy war and holy need

Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

(Every world is my world)

I will learn to survive

(Any world is my world)

I will learn to survive

(Any world is my world)

(Every world is my world)

Scars Fade

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How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

Each life event we go through as human beings we either learn and grow from that experience. Or we learn nothing and stay in a perpetual state of victimhood. We are all struggling, fighting our own demons or just simply fighting life. It is through these trials that we become stronger and learn from our past mistakes. Not taking the time to learn from our past mistakes will allow us to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. I have learned in life that we must change our perspective, focus on the goals we wish to obtain and let go of the things that we cannot change. Doing this, I have allowed myself to become stronger and not defined by my past. This has also allowed me to be open about my feelings, my sickness and not hide who I am. It’s given me great strength. It has me freed me to be myself. Growing constantly into a better version of myself. It has given me the confidence that I need to be comfortable in my own skin. I may not be perfect, I am extremely flawed and extremely chaotic but I have learned there’s only one like me. Through time life events are like scars, they never really go away, but they fade. They stay a part of you as a lesson, but overtime you can hardly see them.

Not really

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Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

Well if it has to be someone that I have never met per as without a spiritual connection it would have to be Jesus Christ. He gives me the direction I must go. Fills my heart when I am sad and hopeless. He gives me hope that no matter how dark times maybe He will always be by my side. As for a man not counting Jesus Christ, a few have come and gone that have left impressions and lessons I have learned from them. But to be honest I have never met anyone other than Jesus that has positively influenced my life. Again don’t get me wrong few have come and helped me to grow into a better person. But if I weigh that against how they made me feel or the way the spoke to me or treated me, it would be a hard not enough to justify them being in my life at all.

Living blissfully

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What’s something most people don’t know about you?

What I really am facing each and every single day. They think they know they think they understand but the truth is they have no idea. I won’t share it because it’s pointless because they will never understand nor would they ever truly care to understand. I have family that think they know what I go through they think that. Truth is they don’t and I won’t shatter the illusion they have of me. Let them think what they want. Let them believe what they want. No matter what I do I will never live up to the expectations they have of me. So it’s better to let them live in ignorance because ignorance is bliss and they would rather live there than in reality.

Lost at Sea

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I feel so stupid when we talk. Not because I can’t talk to you but because you make me feel dumb. You say I spin in circles and you are right. I try so hard not to but I am trying to fix that and make it right. I hate the feeling of disappointment I hear in your voice. I hate feeling like no matter what I do you I will never be your choice. I hate that I care. I hate that I become jealous for reasons I can’t explain. I hate that when I talk to you I feel safe. I hate that when I say something you get so mad. I especially hate when you make me laugh. I want to stay mad but can’t. I want to hate you but I can’t. I hate to care and think of you all the time. I know you don’t have feelings but that doesn’t change mine. Lost in the deep sea of reflection. Darkness consuming my mind. Trying to escape in the incoming flood. Lost in the sea of your non existent callous heart. ~Emma~

10 things I believe to be absolutely certain.

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List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain

One- I believe without a doubt that there is a God.

Two- I don’t know what life was like before I became sick, but I also don’t know what life is like without my chaos.

Three- People are flawed and you just learn to accept that or move on.

Four- Love can only be felt when you have met and known God. For without knowing God one cannot truly know what love is.

Five- Showing kindness to a stranger can truly change their day.

Six- Falling in love with a face is easy but falling in love with the person’s soul that’s epic.

Seven- Death pardons no one. Cherish each moment in life for it is precious.

Eight- You never stop learning from life. For if one is not learning each day, they will never grow as a person.

Nine- Loyalty cannot be bought.

Ten- Trust is given but once it’s betrayed it will never be the same.