Tag: pain

Expectations

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Why is loyalty an expensive expectation? It’s not like it’s not earned. It is something you have to work for and when it’s given to you, it should be cherished. Yet so many are not loyal. Not loyal friends not loyal to their family not loyal to their country Not loyal to their partners.

If I myself asking this question over and over again, why can’t people be loyal? Is it because of the disloyalty of Adam and Eve? Are we meant to carry the same sin of disloyalty towards others?

It might be that simple maybe not I could be wrong. I hope Someone proves me wrong. If not, I will die knowing that loyalty is something many just don’t get.

Birthday

Emma the Mizfit2 Comments

My birthday was the other day and it got me thinking. I am incredibly grateful for each and every single day I wake up. I know everyone doesn’t get to do the things that they have or that I have. I know some people don’t have the people that they have in their lives and I am extremely lucky to still have my parents and my family involved in my life.

I think after a certain age, you stop actually counting as you go up, but you are incredibly more blessed and thankful. You concentrate more on the things that you do have and not the things that you don’t have.

You think of all the ways that you have survived, the battles that you fought and still walked away. With scars and sweat and blood dripping down, it made no difference because you still walked away stronger.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and filled with gratitude. Just because you don’t think God exists or is working in your life doesn’t mean that he isn’t. God is always working in your life. God is always blessing you sometimes it’s just not the way that you expect things to be. So as I go to another year, hopefully with God‘s blessing. I hope I’m able to do all the things that I wanna do and all the things he wants me to do. I want to show him as my greatest joy in my life because God has always and will always be my greatest love

I can’t do anything if God doesn’t give me the strength the will and the power to do it. I owe all of the blessings I have to my Lord and Savior. So as I reflect on the year that has passed and the year that’s coming I hope and pray that this be the year that God grant me the one thing I’m asking for. But either which way my life is in his hand and it’s all in his timing. ~~always, Emma~~

Hope

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

It should never shock me how cruel people can be but somehow it always shocks me. In the times we live in, it’s extremely easy to become complacent with our environment. One can become completely desensitized at every thing around them. No matter how evil or horrific the stories we hear, we still live our lives unchanged. Getting up each morning, and moving through life like it’s just another day.

Each morning I create a vlog. I post it on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. To everyone else it seems dumb and stupid to post the same greeting each time. It goes “Good morning you wonderful amazing beautiful people I hope you woke up thanking God for the wonderful day He has bestowed on upon you.”

Each day it’s the same I change it up but it’s mostly the same greeting each day. I just want to spread words of comfort to anyone who may come across my story. I don’t care if they subscribe, like, or even care about me. I want them to remember to thank God for the beautiful day of life God has given them.

No matter how cruel and evil the world we might live in. I want everyone to start the day with a grateful heart. No matter how small it might be, it will always make a difference in someone else’s day. I might not be the biggest person on TikTok, YouTube or any other platform but for me making those videos not only helps me, they help to speak to others.

Just a simple post to remind others you are not alone. You might feel alone. You might feel lost. You might feel like complete 💩. You might feel helpless. You might feel hopeless. I once felt that way and with each post I hope anyone that comes across them feels my hope. I know I can’t change the world but hopefully they can feel my hope through the screen.

So as I write this I pray that whoever may come across this may find God. God is my hope without Him I would be nothing. He gave me hope when I felt nothing. He gave me hope when I had given up. He gave hope when I declared that my life was worth nothing. He gave me hope and I pray He bestows every single person that comes across my videos or this post, with HOPE.

Times may not always be good but with God there is always hope. So even if every one is cruel and evil, hope for better day. ~Emma~

Letting you in

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.

But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.

I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.

Dream last night..

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Dream 4:15 am

I don’t want to write this but I will. For I believe this is the future and death of my mother. The day is sad and I hear people crying. Looking around I don’t know what is happening. Somber faces with looks of pity on every face. I am filled with this immense amount of despair within my heart. My best friend is gone. My confident, my anchor, my love is gone. Words I speak in front of faceless eyes. Condolences they offer as the smell of flowers fill my mind. The joy and laughter I was once knew has disappeared from the world I knew. More days to hug her and say I love you. More time go tell her my stories. More time to just breathe the air with her. We knew the day would come but the feeling of despair and heartbreak I wasn’t prepared for. My heart feels a part has died. I see all around but I can’t breathe I don’t know why. It feels like a dream will I wake up. The sun is shining it’s a beautiful day outside not a cloud in the sky. I can’t see myself but I know I am there. I see my siblings with me right there. My chest feels heavy when I try to breathe but I know God let me see. The dream is of the day I lose my mom. My rock and the foundation of whom I am. She loved me at my worst and held me at my best. Today I wake from this dream knowing she is still in my world. Don’t know how much time I have but God showed me this point. The reason I don’t know. I write this filled with joy and sadness in my heart. I know I will see her when I get up. But one day when this dream has come to pass I will know God gave me this moment to make it last. Even as I write these words trying not to stress I know my love for her will never end. Death may come one day to take her from us. But today I thank God for another day with my mom. 

This was a dream I had on December 10 at 4 am. I wrote as much as I could remember and try to keep the details right in my head. Laying in the dark I try not to feel dread I hope this doesn’t happen for many years to come. But I know God gave me this dream to show whatever happens next. I also believe he showed me to tell me I will be able to get through this dark time. The sky is a color blue I have never seen before. Birds chirping in the air. The spring breeze flows through the air. I look to the sky with deep sorrow in my eyes I love you mom are the only words to escape my silent mind. Tears filled in my sister’s eyes she hugs me as we cry. I wake up with pain and shocked did I just see her death. I don’t know but it was a dream I felt. A little shaken I hear my sister take out the dogs. I look in the camera she is feeding Luna with QVC on. I get up to go pee I should be asleep. But here I write this of the dream I just had.

Being comfortable

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

I have grown into a better version of myself. I have learned from my mistakes and changed my perspective on life. I think it’s easy for us to forget that in order for us to keep moving forward. We need to focus on something greater than ourselves.

I am learning to be more confident in myself and more comfortable in my own skin. If there is one thing I can change about myself, it would be to stay more silent.

I was once told by an old acquaintance that sometimes it is better to not say anything or be comfortable in the silence. I never understood what he meant until I started taking time for myself in the silence.

There is such power being in silence and not having to fill the silence with words that mean nothing. Taking time to reflect or be comfortable in the silence is extremely powerful.

I never got to share that with him, that he taught me an extremely important lesson. And though our paths may never cross again, I am grateful that he did teach me such an important lesson.

Sometimes being in the quietness amongst the chaos of the world is absolute freedom.

So if I have to change about myself it would be to spend more time in the silence. Thinking my own thoughts, listening to the words of other people around me just being comfortable in the silence.

When you used to…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

I asked last year around September for guidance from God. My prayer is what one of the books I read would be called “dangerous prayers”.

It’s not dangerous prayers that cause any danger. But it’s more along the line praying for something and not knowing how much time it will take or what you will lose in the process. Learning that it’s not going to be given in your time nor the way you want it.

A lot of Christians don’t really believe in dangerous prayers I am one of the ones that has seen dangerous prayers answered over and over again..

Again, dangerous prayers are not causing danger or even asking for some sort of dangerous activity to happen. I guess you can say it’s more of be careful what you’re praying for because you might actually get what you prayed for.

So like I said last September 2023 I prayed for God to guide me closer to him no matter what. In the prayer, I asked God if there is anything in my life that is distracting me or pulling me away from you I want it removed. I don’t care what I lose or the pain caused I want to be closer to You oh Lord.

So a couple months go by and I started seeing people that I was close to just kind of like disappear. So it started with a person I was close to. We spoke daily a lot and as time went on, I started to see a shift and at first I wanted to ignore it pretend like that’s not what’s going on, but then I started to see the distance and it was clear.

After we stop speaking and months went by earlier this year, I started to realize it was God pulling that person out of my life. The reason that God pulled that person out of my life was because that person was a distraction. Someone might say that that’s cruel to say. But for me, my goal has always been to get closer to God. My life mission has always been to be one of God‘s Warriors.

So here we are in November 2024, a year has passed and I haven’t spoken to this person in a good 10 or 11 months. Do I miss the person? Yeah sometimes. But I have also learned to mourn the relationship and move on.

Just today another thing that I loved doing became meh. I wasn’t excited I wasn’t thrilled to be doing it. I just felt nothing. One must be prepared that when you ask for something and you ask obstacles or anything to be removed, they will be removed. Your love for them will be taken away. Your desire to be filled with them will be destroyed if that’s what you asked for.

There are other things that have changed. My love for a lot of things have changed. I spend more time in prayer, more time writing, more time in self-reflection, learning more about myself, and learning to grow from my past mistakes.

It is in this waiting season that I have learned that God has stripped away a lot of distractions from my life. Things that I held onto that I didn’t even think were distractions, but they were. They were distractions from me, developing a relationship with God and for me developing into a better individual for myself, for my family, for society, and for God.

It is in this waiting season that I have learned to let go of things that don’t matter. I have learned to forgive those that hurt me in the past. I have learned that the most important thing in life is to cherish each and every single moment you are alive.

I have learned to embrace each and every single moment. Whether it’s spending a Sunday cleaning with my niece, nephew, my sister, my mom, my dad and my brother, in the garage hanging up Christmas lights. Whether it’s spending Sabbath with my family and drinking cappuccinos with the new Nespresso machine. It’s in those little moments that we’re making memories that will last a lifetime. It’s in those moments that we are truly living life.

I don’t know what tomorrow might bring but I definitely know. I trust God to bring me through tomorrow.

So has God answered my dangerous prayer? The answer to that is yes and no. He is definitely answering the prayer. I just haven’t gotten to the end yet.

I did ask for more than just becoming closer to God. That was my main prayer and still my main objective. But there’s one little part of that prayer that I’m waiting for. I have constantly waited, and God has referred to this moment as the waiting season.

Sometimes we become impatient during the waiting season, but we have to remember that when you ask for something from God he’s going to deliver. Whether it’s through a dangerous prayer like I said before or just a prayer he will answer.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in dangerous prayers. But I can tell you based on my own history dangerous prayers are real just be careful and be ready for the consequences of asking such prayers. It’s all about trust baby. It’s all about trust and having faith in Jesus Christ to answer your prayer.

Remember, God always answers in his time not our own. 

I hope this is a lesson for you to learn and I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful blessed week. Love always, Emma. 

Chasing you? Nope that’s a hard pass!

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Disappointed is some thing I have become very familiar with. Just when you start to feel comfortable around people you find out that they are complete jerks. You want to try to do your best, you wanna to fit in but when you realize that you don’t, it’s doesn’t seem to matter as much. As I have gotten older I realize that I’m more comfortable in my skin. As time flows by I realize that the people that I want in my life, won’t ask to be in it. If you don’t want to be in my life, leave. I will never ask you to be in it. If you feel that you want to leave, I am not going to hold you back. I want you to be able to want to stay. I don’t want to be second place, I don’t wanna be the default choice I want to be the one that you choose. If you can’t do that, and if you feel like you’re missing out then by all means walk away. If you think that I’m going to sit here and beg you to stay, you’re wrong. I’m an extremely loyal person and if I can’t get that loyalty back, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about making the wrong choices. It’s about knowing my worth and I know I am worthy of being loved and being happy. Surrounded by people that want to be with me. Surrounded by people that love me for me. Surrounded by people that accept me for me.

People are like seasons, in the summer you feel the heat of some peoples love. In the winter, you feel the chill and cold you see the real face of people that hide it so much to not show. In the spring, you might find the warmth of the sun that makes you think people can change. Like a rose that is blooming. But just like the autumn season, you see the beautiful colors of change and right before winter the leaves die, the flowers die, and everything dies right before the cold of winter. People are exactly the same way. You may never get to see their real cold side. You may never get to see the blooming rose in the spring and you may never feel the heat of summer, but you definitely get to feel the autumn right before the winter when everything has died.

Some things need to be let go of, I won’t hold you to your word. I won’t even try to win you back. I won’t even try to talk to you to reason with you. Because in the end I chose me. And my choice, I chose to walk away. Because in the end you are not worth fighting for. If you feel, I am not worth fighting for I think we are exactly where we are supposed to be. On the opposite of friendship. You make time for the people who mean something to you. Let this be a lesson to learn that letting go or walking away is more powerful than being surrounded by snakes.

I wish you the best always ~Emma~

Journals

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Do you have any collections?

I have a collection of journals. I started to write in my first diary at the age of 12. My mom was the one that bought me this little purple diary with a lock on it. After that she would buy me one for Christmas if I asked for one. I would ask for them because it depends how much I wrote. I know right now I have about 24 books. I have also a prayer book, a poem book, dream book, and my love book.