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When you are surrounded by people that are constantly shutting you down maybe you need space from them. If they can’t accept you the way you are, they don’t deserve you. Walk away for your own mental health. Staying positive and having negative experiences isn’t good. So just walk away from them. Even if they are family. Simply learn to keep space and learn to not engage. Hopefully the situation will get better with you learning to just walk away from them.

I am the chaos and the chaos is me….

How does one ever truly learn to treat others than not by the people around them? How can a girl learn how a man is to treat her if the men around her weren’t strong or a good example? How can she learn what love looks like when she doesn’t know? Questions I have asked myself a dozen times. I have never truly found love or been loved by a man because I don’t know what that feels like. Though I might not have the love of a father that showed me how to love and be loved, my mother showed me a different kind of love. It’s weird because my father has always provided for us but has never truly been there, if that makes any sense. I guess it’s why I have never truly found a man to love me. It’s because I have never seen a strong relationship around me. With that said my mother has shown me love beyond words. But I will save that for Mother’s Day. But today my blog is about not having a strong man to show me how love is suppose to be like. Am I doomed to never know what love is? I have given my heart to men that have never deserved my heart. But was I truly in love if I have never known what love was? Love is more than butterflies in your stomach or feeling happy to see someone. It’s a connection, more than just a connection it’s respect, it’s unconditional, and it’s something worth fighting for I assume. Maybe not knowing how to love is a good thing. A chaotic soul as myself will surely find it easier being alone when you feel no one can truly hold you down. It’s easy to fall in and out of love with men I will never truly give my heart to. It’s easy to love someone far away like on the other side of the country because you will never be with them. Falling in love with their soul is easy but it’s truly never real. It’s easy to feel like it is real for the time because it does feel real but as time moves you know it is not real. In the end you learn it was just a connection you had with someone but never truly loved them. So on this Friday night I wonder will I ever fall in love or learn what that feels like. I guess only time will tell for as the night passes, my mind wanders into the chaos of stars in the sky. As the warm temperatures are high I know one day all my questions will be answered. But on this day, this night I sit in the quiet peace of the chaotic soothing sound of silence. Have a blessed weekend my friends. ~Emma~