Tag: moods

Moody girl

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I woke up this morning in such a mood. As I went through the day I felt it was just progressively getting worse. As I sit here at 4:15 pm in the afternoon I can honestly say it’s gotten a lot better. Even earlier when I made my video for the day I said I wasn’t in a good mood. It was just one of those moody days.

I still woke up grateful and thanked God for the new day. Even after slamming my wrist into a window causing my wrist to swell up and see stars. I was able to get the internet to finally work with the help of the technician that came to the house. He helped me with hooking up my Mac book and everything. It was such a help on a day that was just not going well.

Even just chatting with the guy was helpful we spoke about Japan and how I should definitely go visit. 😂

So I say again just because your day might start out moody or crappy, be grateful. It is through the grateful heart that God changed my day.

I even was yelling at God this afternoon, after slamming my wrist. I was like oh it’s pick on Emma today. lol it was a joke and I really didn’t think it was going to change anything and yet here I am grateful for the better mood.

I think sometimes letting out your frustrations out to God as if He is there with you, even if you think He might not be listening, you find out soon enough He is always listening. So have a little faith and just chat with Him. Tell Him your frustrations, tell Him how you feel, let Him know everything and you might be surprised when He does answer.

I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed day.

Journals

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Do you have any collections?

I have a collection of journals. I started to write in my first diary at the age of 12. My mom was the one that bought me this little purple diary with a lock on it. After that she would buy me one for Christmas if I asked for one. I would ask for them because it depends how much I wrote. I know right now I have about 24 books. I have also a prayer book, a poem book, dream book, and my love book.

Feeling down?

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When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Life lesson

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Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.

I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.

Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.

What it’s the truth?!?

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Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~

Dragon Stole My Heart: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

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The other side of the world, I still think of you

Coming from two different cultures I still want you

Knowing that it will never be a possibility I still wish for it

Seeing your smile brightens my day

Seeing you laugh, makes me feel

Giddy like I want to play

I dream of the day I get to kiss you

I dream of the day I get to touch you

I dream of your laughter in my ear

My fingers running through your black hair

My hands touching your white pale skin

It’s only in my dreams that I get to see you

It’s only in my dreams that I get to be with you

To hear your laugh, to touch your skin, to feel your lips

The day may never come, that I may never get to do any of these things

But for now, as I fall asleep, I know that I will get to see you there. Good night my sweet Babe

Ordinary World: Duran Duran

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Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue

Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio

Still I can’t escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some’d say

Where is the life that I recognise? (Gone away)

But I won’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say

“Pride will tear us both apart”

Well, now pride’s gone out the window

Cross the rooftops, run away

Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?

Crazy, some’d say

Where is my friend when I need you most? (Gone away)

But I won’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ahh-ah-ahh

Away-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay

Oh, oh

Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed

Fear today, forgot tomorrow

Ooh-ooh

Here besides the news of holy war and holy need

Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don’t cry for yesterday

There’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

(Every world is my world)

I will learn to survive

(Any world is my world)

I will learn to survive

(Any world is my world)

(Every world is my world)

White Flag by Dido

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I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you

Or tell you that

But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it

Where’s the sense in that?

I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and

Destruction to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can’t talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of it’s over

Then I’m sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

And when we meet

Which I’m sure we will

All that was there

Will be there still

I’ll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I’ve moved on

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag abobe my door

I’m in love and always will be

Random thoughts

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I try hard to keep up. You have never made it easy so I gave up. Time has lost all its luster and my feelings are dead. I stop caring after learning you can careless. It’s like the quote goes from How I met your mother…

“You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option: you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.” – Ted Mosby

Twisted Hearts: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

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Days

Weeks

Months

Years

Still you managed to make me smile today

It’s been over a year

My thoughts go back in time

To a time we would just laugh

Endless chatters

Sharing secrets

Careless whispers in the night

Song lists from the heart

Music that made us feel connected

Nights falling asleep sounds in our ears

Words that made us express our deepest desires

Though the puzzle never fit

We tried to find ways

Life decided for us

You were right coffee, no one is to blame

Life is to blame