It’s been a super moody day for me. I am in such a bad mood, I have tried all my coping strategies to try and change it. Nothing has worked so far unfortunately. Maybe it was the whole weekend I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do about it. I walked this morning with the dogs, played with them, played the game, it’s this sour moody cloud over me that has set in. It has made me just unbearable. Everything is pissing me off, especially things that wouldn’t piss me off usually are definitely pissing me off. I am trying to be the positive person that doesn’t want to get too upset or too down on myself. This morning seemed fine but I quickly turned. I think the problem is me and it’s always been me. I invest so much of my energy to others that I forget about myself. I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like complete insanity yet I still do it. I know just another rant about my thoughts. I hope your weekend was better than mine. I am still grateful for the small victories. It’s just this cloud over me doesn’t feel good right now and I feel I am to blame somehow. As if I was the one that set myself up to fall into the pit. I end this Sunday blog with a small victory for me today. The team(game team) I am currently playing with locked with a seat of power. It really isn’t a big deal, wasn’t even a big seat of power but the amazing feeling of getting that sop brought me back to my first big clan I joined. And when we first locked with our first 3 star. We were so excited about it, from that point on it was a fight every weekend. Took months of hard work but we finally found ourselves holding everything. I bring it up because it was definitely the highlight of the day and it brought me back to a time that was so much simpler. So even in the midst of darkness God shines his light to remind me things will get better. I hope today is a blessed day for you all. ~Emma~
Tag: mental health
Making choices
Sometimes we try to make things fit together when they don’t belong together. Sometimes we try so hard that we forget somethings were never meant to be. It’s hard to admit, we think we can control things, only to learn we control nothing. It’s something we all must learn the hard way. Either through pain, tears or just experiences. We control nothing but ourselves and even that is hard sometimes. Learning to try and control your emotions, feelings, crazy outbursts or drama is hard. For myself it seems sometimes like a never ending battle to try to gain control of myself. I hate feeling pain and rejection, it’s something no one ever gets used to. Pain you learn to just embrace without letting it drown you. On the other hand rejection makes you feel as though you did something wrong. You ask yourself, what is it about myself that makes me not likable. Sometimes it might be your fault, allowing the wrong people in, allowing people that don’t deserve your love. This isn’t about being better than another person it’s about finding out sometimes some things are not worth fighting for. Time pardons no one and doesn’t wait for one to get their crap together. We must learn to move forward without looking back. It’s okay to learn from our mistakes and grow from them but it’s better to not dwell there. I know how hard it is, I myself am trying my hardest to move forward without looking back. I don’t want to let go but unfortunately like I said before time pardons no one. Life continues to move forward we must learn to do the same. Either we move forward or stay the same, doom to repeat the same mistakes. Have a beautiful weekend. ~Emma~
Finding my own way…
Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?
After I became sick I was on many medications that made me gain a lot of weight. Always being thin I had no clue how it felt to gain so much weight. After years later and I started getting better at controlling my moods I also started to control my weight. Seeing how all the weight was gained because of the medications, I was slowly taken off most of them. With my doctor’s approval. I lost so much weight but I am no where near the weight I was before becoming sick. So I spend my time dog sitting(my business) which helps to keep me active. It keeps me walking and constantly moving. It has helped me mentally and physically taking care of the dogs. I eat healthy meals and focused my goal to return to me original weight. It’s harder now that I am older but I refuse to give up. Learning to live life after being sick and learning ways to combat the slide of any mental illness is not easy. It’s a constant battle for me each day. Dog sitting is one example of my many ways of trying to live a sustainable lifestyle. I find different things to keep me growing into a better version of the person I was yesterday while also learning to live a better day today. It’s not easy but I try to keep my focus and just ask God to help me each day. It takes time to learn how to find a balance within yourself. But it can be done, again not easy but totally worth it when you get there. Finding the path to a healthy lifestyle while growing, learning to become a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically will be beautiful when I reach my goal. As for now I take it one day at a time, one walk at a time, one meal at a time, one coping skill at a time. It’s hard especially when you want to give up when life gets so dark but you must never giveyes up. My number one thing I do each day is thank God for waking me up and I ask to give me the strength and He does. I am still learning to not suffocate people instead enjoy the silence alone. I am trying to learn to take time for myself. I am also trying to learn to allow space for myself for my feelings for my thoughts. While also learning to give people the space that they need. While also learning to give people the space that they need. These are some of the things I do to help me live a sustainable lifestyle. Learning to respect myself and others, and giving time for things to grow. I hope the reading this you can learn something to. Have a beautiful night\day. ~Emma~
Never give up never give in
I am grateful today to be alive. I might be having a really hard month. I am having a good day. Good or bad either way I am grateful to be alive to live even through the pain. Some days might be hard and I have to push myself even harder to keep moving. I will never give up. Today I ask you to find one thing you can find to be grateful about. Whatever that one thing is hold on to it, and don’t let go. Keep fighting no matter how dark everything may seem. You will make it through but only if you don’t give up on yourself. Keep fighting. Have a blessed week. ~Emma~
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is being myself. I am completely unpredictable, chaotic, lost, even sometimes just dumb. I can be completely passionate about things, I love with no apologies. I love whole heartedly and without boundaries. I am loyal and never try to be something I am not. Being myself is the best part of myself. Because just like a painting, like all art, what is beautiful to me may not be for you. Love me or hate me I am always me. ~Emma~
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
The most important things needed in my life to live a good life is…
One- my relationship with God. I have nothing without Him in my life. Through the darkest times in my life he was the only One that has always been there never leaving my side. For me I can’t have a good life if God is not in it.
Two- my health. When I speak of my health I don’t just mean healthy life style, eating food and working out. I am also talking about my mental health. It is just as important to eat well as it is to have good coping skills, seeking therapy, having a back up plan. To some this might seem silly but for a person who has mental health issues it’s extremely important to stay on top of your own condition. It is a way you can learn to grow and become a more independent person and not be in the dark space of mental illness. I am a firm believer in having these skills and ways to help one always know when they might be sliding down a path they can’t come back from.
For me having both of these no matter how dark life may get, no matter how many people you lose life is always good.
What jobs have you had?
Too many to count. I love working but what I do now it’s the best.
Spencer greatest Frenchie ever!!!!
Today I found out I need to put my baby boy (dog) Spencer to sleep. I wish I could be more joyful but unfortunately this post won’t be joyful just sad. This little Frenchie came into my life 10 years ago. He was a whirlwind of just love and energy. He slept on my bed on his pillow that I had given him with his sheets. The sheets consisted of a pink playboy blanket that was super soft that he loved. On top of him he had a Tinkerbell blanket or the Dallas Cowboys blanket. He loved sleeping with them because my room was cold. We used to go for walks in the park and he loved walking. As he got older he would get more tired but he still loved walking even if he could hardly breathe on our walks. My sister lost her dog two years after I got Spencer. While she was grieving her loss I would let Spencer comfort her. It did cause a bit of struggle between us because she basically took ownership of him. But Spencer in the end had two mothers that loved him more than life itself. He continues to fight so I just pray that God have mercy and put him to rest. It will be painful to live without him but I wouldn’t trade one moment with him for not having this pain. The pain in my heart just reminds me how much I love him. In the end it is all worth the sadness and grief. So my message on this warm night is to be present in life and enjoy each moment for nothing last forever but the love we give each other. Have a beautiful day/night. ~Emma~
? Daily what ?
I know I am loving person. I try and go out of my way to be a kind individual. I know we each are fighting our own internal battle. Sometimes I even find myself going down the rabbit hole of why do we have to go through all this. The mundane things in life, getting up each morning, working all day, eating, bathing and heading to bed to sleep. Why do we have to do all these things? I know how easy it is to ask why, but you won’t get an answer. Many try to tell you what to do or how to feel, these are things that I think pretty much everyone has asked. Honestly I don’t think anyone knows the real answer. I guess today I am feeling a little curious to find out what others think. I know I can’t be the only one that feels that way. Or even questioning why do we have to continue doing the same exact things daily. But I guess these are things we will not know. Either way I hope you have a blessed day. ~Emma~
Know the difference
The best person to be around is someone that listens to you. Someone that accepts you and your crazy ways. One that still takes the extra time to let you know they will always be there for you no matter what. One that you never feel that you are constantly letting down by being yourself. If you find someone like that hold on to them. Because not everyone you meet will be that way in life. You will find many that will judge, cast stones, speak to you like you are stupid and dumb. Those are the ones you avoid. Because those people aren’t friends they are enemies learn the difference. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 