What notable things happened today?
As always finding myself in place I don’t belong. I was named Mizfit Queen for a reason and today I was reminded why that is.
Tag: men
Passion
What are you passionate about?
I am passionate about everything I do. When I write my poems I am speaking from my heart. When I make books I love spending the time to create something. When I play my games I love helping my teammates and being part of team. When I dog sit I take care of the dogs like they are my own. When I make videos I spend time making everything perfect. I don’t do anything I am not passionate about. With that said it does carry a heavy burden. For what I give I never get back. I give my all but not everyone appreciates the time and effort. The care I take with everything I do. Instead it’s kind of just thought of as silly. But like I said I don’t do anything I am not passionate about it’s why I do it. Because it makes me happy to have completed something I gave my all.
Why bother?
Trying to get through the week. It’s only Tuesday and I am so over it. Heading to bed wondering why I even care. Care for people that are selfish and only care for themselves. I put myself out there because I am told over and over again not everyone is the same. In my most recent years I have learned that’s exactly what people are all the same. There is not point in trying to build relationships with people. Regardless if it’s friendship or anything else today people are cold and uncaring. Save yourself because no one cares. I speak a lot about being the change you want to see in the world. I want to still hold on to that but I am afraid my faith is falling. I have been hurt too many times to think anyone is different. So I end my night with this post I hope your week is better than mine. ~Emma~
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
The most important things needed in my life to live a good life is…
One- my relationship with God. I have nothing without Him in my life. Through the darkest times in my life he was the only One that has always been there never leaving my side. For me I can’t have a good life if God is not in it.
Two- my health. When I speak of my health I don’t just mean healthy life style, eating food and working out. I am also talking about my mental health. It is just as important to eat well as it is to have good coping skills, seeking therapy, having a back up plan. To some this might seem silly but for a person who has mental health issues it’s extremely important to stay on top of your own condition. It is a way you can learn to grow and become a more independent person and not be in the dark space of mental illness. I am a firm believer in having these skills and ways to help one always know when they might be sliding down a path they can’t come back from.
For me having both of these no matter how dark life may get, no matter how many people you lose life is always good.
Am I the problem
Last night I got into a fight with someone. He is a friend or I would like to think we are friends. Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend or just someone that annoys him. I was upset because I don’t have many friends so after the death of my beloved Spencer last Friday I was feeling really down and depressed. I spent an hour crying and after crying I got super mad. Maybe I pointed the anger the wrong way which I can admit but it also made me wonder why this person didn’t even reach out to see if I am okay. We spoke several times through the day but not once did he ask. Maybe I am wrong to have expected anything from anyone only setting myself for disappointment. But I truly believed it was different with us that our friendship was genuine and true. But maybe the only fool was me for actually believing that we were friends. Or maybe I thought of the relationship as more than it was. I really don’t want to believe that but then again I have been told I am delusional, chaotic and a drama queen. So adding to that growing list, clueless and stupid wouldn’t be that far out there. I wanted to end this on a positive note so I will finish with this. After telling this person I was mad at them, would not talk to them because I was pissed that they didn’t even reach out. I was told that it was my choice to not speak to them and when I do decide to speak to them they won’t be around. Which brings me back to my main concern which is am I the problem and was it my fault that caused the situation. Am I the one who is being unreasonable with just expecting someone to just reach out to see if I am okay. Or am I just dumb to even think of us as friends? I leave the question to you hopefully you can answer me. It’s clear his answer will be nothing but crickets so I do hope someone can give me some good advice. Maybe I am delusional but I don’t know what to do. I keep giving my heart in these friendships and I am constantly abandoned by the same people that say they will be there. Maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there. Am I the problem? ~Emma~
Myself
Who do you spend the most time with?
Myself and I love it. It’s not that I don’t like ppl but it’s clear everyone around me is set to constantly be disappointing. So I would rather be by myself to not have to deal with selfish people that only care about themselves.
Cut ties
Stop waiting for people that don’t give a crap about you to accept you. You look for validation from people that should not even be on your radar. So my advice, from my own personal experience is to just move on, do not look back. Whoever is left behind, never deserved to be in your presence. Have a blessed weekend. ~Emma~
Push yourself
What fears have you overcome and how?
The fear of trying new things. After being sick for so long I was afraid to stray outside my comfort zone. After years of trying I just couldn’t do it but finally about a year ago I started to push myself more and more outside my comfort zone. It started with making books that would help others with mental health issues. Books for coloring, books with puzzles, crosswords anything to use as a coping mechanism. I learned during my own time these things helped me. By November of last year I started a YouTube channel Emma the Mizfit. Again pushing myself further out, the channel is small. Doesn’t have many members but I did it to help others that struggle like me. It has music videos for healing that I made. I even share my own experiences. Recently, I started an Etsy store, again pushing myself out more and more. The fear of failing never entering my mind because my focus is to try and get out of my safe space. The only way to get rid of the fear is to try and overcome it. If you fail you can always try again. will it be easy no, but it’s worth trying so you can grow to become the better version of yourself. Have a blessed day.
Broken Trust : written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Black arrows go piercing through the night
Screaming in agony as blood pours out her mouth
The shots piercing close to the heart
Hiding in the shadows she tries to run
He points the arrows to hit again
With disgust in his eyes
Tears fall as she cries
Pleading and begging for her life
He leans back with his bow
Shoots her right through the leg
She falls to the ground
No expression as he walks down
The death of her merely an inconvenience he tries to say
Abandoned and laying in a pool of blood
Her eyes filled with suffering the unbearable pain
She looks to the star filled sky as her breathing starts to fade
Looking down at her
He bends down to whisper words for her to hear
“You were never worthy of being here with me”
He reaches and grabs one more arrow
His hand sweeps her tear filled face
He sticks the arrow deep within her heart
Tear stained cheeks as life leaves her behind
With pity he looks back his head facing down
Sorry for the chaos of putting her down
Sorrow sweeps into his heart
The smell of her scent
The way she smiled
The way she laughed
The way she felt in his arms
The memories rush to him like hitting a brick wall
But as cold as ice he simply pushes them away
He no longer can afford to care
No one will get that close he vows to the sky
She is the last one to ever make him feel alive
Consumed by death he walks away
Never to return to the way of light
He walks in the darkness never to see the day
For the light he once held is gone and dead
No longer left to shine in his world
Walking back he tries to forget her face
But he looks back one more time and turns away.
? Daily what ?
I know I am loving person. I try and go out of my way to be a kind individual. I know we each are fighting our own internal battle. Sometimes I even find myself going down the rabbit hole of why do we have to go through all this. The mundane things in life, getting up each morning, working all day, eating, bathing and heading to bed to sleep. Why do we have to do all these things? I know how easy it is to ask why, but you won’t get an answer. Many try to tell you what to do or how to feel, these are things that I think pretty much everyone has asked. Honestly I don’t think anyone knows the real answer. I guess today I am feeling a little curious to find out what others think. I know I can’t be the only one that feels that way. Or even questioning why do we have to continue doing the same exact things daily. But I guess these are things we will not know. Either way I hope you have a blessed day. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 