Tag: life

Another day

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

I am grateful for the strength I have been given through my time of struggles. The world is a crazy chaotic mess and some people are just plain evil. Each time I am reminded of how mean people can be, I am also reminded how amazing life is. Life is short and it is precious. Many will cause you pain. Work can stress you out, daily activities can drive you nuts. But what I have found is, showing gratitude even for the smallest thing makes it worth fighting for. I have gone through a lot of tribulations in my life. I wake up each morning and thank God for another day. I know I have said this before but it is through His strength I am here. The point is finding things to be grateful for, even when you see nothing but darkness. Being kind, finding someone that was kind to you, maybe by holding the door open while you walked out the store. Waking up to breathe air and getting out of bed, these are things that might be small but always be grateful for. Old friends that make you smile. Laughing with your sister about a silly dog pooping in someone’s mouth. (By the way that’s an actual article she read to me today.) It is in those moments we must be grateful for. Let go of the weight of negativity, people that are mean, people that don’t appreciate you for being you. Find coping skills to help you find a better way to deal with the darkness. Being grateful, seeing the glass half full, try to find the silver lining, I know it’s hard. But you are worthy, find music to make you feel happy or sad. Sometimes a good cry helps. But always keep trying to fight the darkness that wants to bring you down. Going through any mental illness isn’t easy but keep fighting. And always remember you aren’t alone. God is there even if you don’t believe in Him, He believes in you. And I believe in you and I believe you can make it because I am a walking example of how you can get out of the dark and back into the light. It won’t be easy it will be hard. You will have to fight each and every single day but never give up. I am grateful today for my family, being able to get on this blog and write to you. One person might read this and I am okay with that. Because if that one person changes their outlook by reading my words than my job is done. I have been really busy but later today I will do one of my podcasts. It will just be me talking but I do believe it is important to continue reinforcing that mental health is a huge problem and it doesn’t get enough attention. I am grateful I woke up this morning and I am drinking my coffee. Hoping to share some positive thoughts to help or at least make you laugh. Before going through your day find something to be grateful. Grateful for shelter, grateful for a bed, grateful for another day, grateful for food. Check out the YouTube video I made, it’s a 3 min video with music and pictures. You can use it for praying, mediation or just sitting still and calming your thoughts that are trying to make you feel worthless. Start somewhere only you can decide to fight. Write down your thoughts, find the strength to keep moving forward. I can’t make you fight depression or any mental illness. Only you can scream to the heavens and beg for strength. But for now dwell in the knowledge I will be praying for all of you. Let us all wake up with grateful hearts. Have a beautiful day ~Emma~

https://youtu.be/blQGHN_hZUA

Check out the link 👆🏻

New Poetry…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

The Widow

Lying in bed with a broken heart trying to understand why I am the way I am

Looking to the right and staring at a blank wall with nothing to say

Looking to the left and staring at the pictures that once hung there

Happy faces and smiles from time shared gone bye

How do I escape the pain from not having you here?

How do I fill this empty bed where you use to lay?

I feel my throat closing as I try to breathe in the last scent of you

The sheets still hold the faint smell of us

How do I escape the touch I need so much?

How do I free my mind from the prison I sit in now?

Tears stain my red cheeks

Sadness grabs a hold of me

My breathing becomes labored

How can I get you back?

I stare at the ceiling the sun shines through the blinds

But all I feel is the pain of not having you by my side

Tell me how can I live in a world you no longer live in

How can I go on without you?

I will do anything to get you back

But I know the one place I cannot get you from is the one place you belong

I turn to the dark side of the bed and hold the pillows tight

Knowing in heaven you will be alright

Written by:

Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

Today…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Some days I just want to give up. Some days I can fight the world.

Some days I just want to be left alone.

Today I wake up with hope that things are going to get better.

Grateful for the blessings and struggles.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

But today you can make a difference even if tomorrow never comes.

Have a beautiful blessed day.

~Emma~

how I am doing…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

It has been a very difficult year for me especially the last five months. I did not notice I had gone into a depression until I was in the middle of it. I am working hard with my books and creating content, so I really thought I was fine. It wasn’t till about around my birthday that I realized, I was not just depressed, I was extremely depressed. I have joined group therapy again which is helping me a lot. I am trying some new coping skills to try and change my behavior. The fact that I didn’t even notice I was going through a depression is extremely alarming to me. I can’t afford to allow it to take me over. I spent over 10 years fighting a very dark depression. So, for me being proactive is the only way I can keep myself from falling that deep again. Therapy has always been my go to, coloring, writing, working out all kept me focus. I really thought with the busy schedule, I was doing much better. Now I realized I wasn’t. Why share this? Simple you are not alone. I was so busy trying to focus on the future, what I was doing and how to get there. I wasn’t taking the time to focus on myself. You need to focus on yourself not just work, not just the future and what you want to do. Being proactive when you know you suffer from any mental illness will keep you from losing complete control. It’s important to establish ways to cope and find help when you need it. I made my appointments, told my family and I am going to each session. It is not something I can afford to lose control of, so today I decided to share that with you. Don’t be afraid to fall and seek help when needed. It is not weak to ask for help or find help for yourself. Remember fighting mental illness is a fight that never stops. You wake up, it is part of you and you have to learn to fight it every day. No day will be easy, no day will be lite, each day is worth fighting for. Some people don’t have that battle but it is my battle and if it is your battle don’t give up. You are not alone no matter how many times you feel alone. Keep fighting because each day is worth living. ~~Emma~~

My mood right now— Happier Than Ever by: Billie Eilish

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever
Wish I could explain it better
I wish it wasn’t true
Give me a day or two to think of something clever
To write myself a letter
To tell me what to do, mm-mmm

Do you read my interviews?
Or do you skip my avenue? (My avenue)
When you (when you) said you were passing through
Was I even on your way?
I knew when I asked you to (when I asked you to)
Be cool about what I was telling you
You’d do the opposite of what you said you’d do (what you said you’d do)
And I’d end up more afraid

Don’t say it isn’t fair
You clearly weren’t aware that you made me miserable
So if you really wanna know

When I’m away from you (when I’m away from you)
I’m happier than ever (happier than ever)
Wish I could explain it better (wish I could explain it better)
I wish it wasn’t true (wish it wasn’t true), mmm-hmm

You call me again, drunk in your Benz
Driving home under the influence
You scared me to death, but I’m wasting my breath
‘Cause you only listen to your fucking friends
I don’t relate to you
I don’t relate to you, no
‘Cause I’d never treat me this shitty
You made me hate this city

And I don’t talk shit about you on the internet
Never told anyone anything bad
‘Cause that shit’s embarrassing, you were my everything
And all that you did was make me fucking sad

So don’t waste the time I don’t have
And don’t try to make me feel bad
I could talk about every time that you showed up on time
But I’d have an empty line ’cause you never did
Never paid any mind to my mother or friends
So I shut ’em all out for you ’cause I was a kid

You ruined everything good
Always said you were misunderstood
Made all my moments your own
Just fucking leave me alone

Storms Wrath

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Storms Wrath

Her heart breaks at his words

Crushing the red dried roses that were once hers

Leaving nothing but dark red broken petals falling towards the grass

As the she lets out a howl from deep within

Crushed by his hateful words of deceit

The stab wounds going deep in her soul

She goes blue like a chill from winter’s brutal cold

Pain freezing her every thought

As her heart stops beating so damn hard

Tears staining her face with marks

She tries to understand what came her way

Lost for words with nothing left to say

Falling to the ground, she grabs the wounds on her way

His words of hate, breaking her once beautiful face

Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

The Unicorn

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

My dearest love,

I know these words will find you one day, after I have long forgotten the way you taste. But in order to let you go I must tell you how much of my mind you once held in your hands. My love for you was one of the purest forms of lust, you will never get to know. For you were driven by the need for wealth, greed and to be so the great. Never knowing, you were the greatest to me and wealth is a matter of the value you place on someone’s heart. Most people search the world all their lives for the devotion I was willing to give you. But you felt your calling was bigger than what we could have had. As sadness fills my heart I still wonder what might have been if you had made the right choices. Maybe that’s the one of the things we will never truly know. It is true life spins us in different circles and love doesn’t pay bills or feed you but my sweet love, living the life you have now is not living. Well, what does selfishness, greed, loveless relationships, meaningless sex, drugs, alcohol, or the endless admiration, truly cost? The only thing that life brings is a huge hole inside yourself, that you are constantly trying to fill with anything that will give instant gratification. The problem with instant gratification is just that, it doesn’t last, at the end of the rush and when the dust settles you are left empty and hollowed inside. Thinking to yourself what am I missing? I have money, women, houses, cars, I can travel anywhere, I am doing good in the world, I am fighting for those without a voice, I am fighting for the world, what am I missing???? I would say me but to be honest the truth is your missing God. I myself, my sweet love, found myself in the very same dilemma you find yourself in now. I had everything, meaningless sex, empty relationships, men giving me what I want, money, anything could have been mine. But I lost myself in that life and found the only thing that I was truly missing was God. So, as these words reach you and you find yourself wondering who is this from? Could this be from the unicorn I have searched for so long, the missing piece I need to be complete? The unicorn writes to you to say, I can never make you happy! For you have no idea what love truly is, as I myself did not know what love was till the day I found God. Through finding Him, I found what love truly is and I was able to see my love for you was not love. Just a desire to be with you, to kiss you, to touch you, to feel your hands in mine, my legs wrapped around you, to have tasted you, to have smelled you, to have run my hands through your hair, to have had you inside me, nothing more than desire. An animal instinct to be with you, a carnal demand. The truth of the matter is I would have gotten bored and tossed you aside like the others. The relationship I have with God has freed me to be the person I am today. Compassionate to others, willing to let my feelings be hurt so others feel better, setting my dreams aside to let another shine, to love others with no expectations of receiving love in return, and seeing the world for all it is. My eyes were opened, I enjoy fighting with my family, making up with them, laughing with them, being passionate about things people think are completely crazy and I love being different. I love being me with all my scars inside and out. I love sitting on my bed at night staring into the ceiling speaking to the Creator of the Universe, and knowing He is there listening to every word even when I rant for an hour. My endless need to find the truth and knowing in my heart only God holds the answers I seek. If there is anything I wish you to take from this is the book of Psalms. During the worse parts of my dark life that book was my life line. And to this day the book of Psalms is my favorite book of the Bible. King David was a very bad man but regardless of being such a bad man Jesus refers to David as the one after his heart. Even with King David’s flaws God saw into his heart and reading that book you can feel David’s pain, his passion, his sadness and his love for God. As I started writing this I had no intention of saying any of this but God is at the center of my heart and I can’t help it, He is My Lord. So, as I end this hoping one day these words will reach you. I pray you do find Him. There is no secret way of finding God, there is no number you can call, there is no one single place to find Him. Get on your knees and call to Him. Tefillah which means prayer in Hebrew. Prayer is the only way to talk to God. On your knees cry out to God open your heart completely to Him and you will see Him show up. You have to be willing to listen to His Words, not what you want to hear. For His Words might not be what you want to hear and most of the time His Plans are never what you think your plans should be. Open your heart to Him, my sweet, I pray this finds one day.

Nothing but Love,

The Unicorn

Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace