Last night was fun and today is peaceful. I am grateful to have my family that accepts me even at my worst. I knew the other day I lashed out it had been a while since I went so down so fast. Maybe it was being sick and down that drove to lose control so easily. But the truth is I still need to find better coping skills to keep me ahead of the twists and turns. Life is extremely unpredictable and I need to learn to cope with I can control which is myself. There will always be a trigger always something will change my moods. It’s learning and finding new ways to adapt to the chaos that I must learn to master in myself. I know I am not alone, I trust in God and I know somewhere someone else may be experiencing the same thing. It is through that I must learn to find ways to keep fighting. The mood swings can happen but learning to keep calm and being aware is something we must all learn. Learning to lean on those that support us is a good thing. Therapist, group therapy, God, family, friends whatever it is keep finding good coping skills to help you find the strength you have. I learned last night not only God gave me the strength but my family did also. It was through that support I have in place that gave me the chance to speak to them, to trust in them and allow myself to vulnerable with them. Having the conversation and being completely open with them helped me enjoy being in the moment with the whole family. It was truly an amazing night that I will remember for a long time. I hope your Christmas was blessed. As I said to everyone yesterday remember we celebrate Christmas because it was the gift that we got from God in Jesus Christ who came and died to save us. We celebrated His birth. You might not believe but this what I believe and I am willing to stand on that rock always. God has given me so much and Jesus isn’t just my king, he is my friend, the lover of my soul, He knows me in ways no one will ever know and it’s a comfort for me. To have trust and faith in someone I can feel in my heart. Without God I would not be here it is through his love and Grace that I am at peace tonight. I send you some of that peace that maybe you can have that inner peace starting this new week. Have a wonderful week, filled with many blessings. ~Emma~
Tag: lies
Dear friend: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Dear “friend”, I want to say thank you for we no longer speak. Time has passed us by and friends we never really were you see. Things change, I have changed, my heart no longer cares for any of you. It’s strange you love something till you find out it wasn’t worth your time and it never was. You learn to let go not because you have forgotten the hurt or pain but because you no longer need them at all. They no longer exist in your life. You learned a valuable lesson that your “friend” may never see but wish them well. Never look back with regret and don’t forget the only one with the power is yourself. This “friend” I write about doesn’t exist they never did. Complete figment of my imagination because the truth is, real friends would be there for you, only figments of our imagination never existed in our life. So let go of the lie this friend never existed. Tomorrow when you open your eyes it’s your world no one else’s. So erase the figment of your imagination and dive into a new world free from the lie. Stop wasting time on shadows that never existed live in the present with the love around you. Sincerely, the Black Rose
You know Nothing!!!
Today was a long day. Sitting here about to have a conversation with God and wanted to drop few lines. I finished reading the first Dune book. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to the next book in the series. I watched the whole Tim Pool/Kayne thing last night. My heart goes out to Kayne. Unfortunately, the world is extremely cruel to ppl with a mental illness disorder. They don’t understand and they are extremely dismissive about anything coming from someone that has any mental health issue. I really do feel for him because unlike many others that assume to know how it feels or understand, you don’t. It’s not easy and you can be compassionate, understanding and love the person that suffers. But at the end of the day you have no clue how hard it is for them to fight to be heard. You have no idea how hard life is for them. You can watch all you like and judge however you like. But unless you are suffering and fighting every day with mental health problems you have no idea. So please do me a favor to all the ppl that think they know….shut up! You know nothing. What that person needs is love, kindness, compassion, understanding, to feel like they are heard and God. If you can’t be any of those things in that person’s life stfu and walk away. I have zero tolerance for ppl that pretend to know how it feels or how they think it is. You have no clue, so stop. My prayers go out to Kayne and all of you whom suffer from any mental disorder. It’s not an easy fight. You fight each and every day but don’t give up. You are not alone. Never forget you are not alone!!! I might be one but together we are many. Always, Emma~
Listening to music can be the most therapeutic thing for me at times
Narcissist by: Avery Anna
Out of touch with my feelings
I can’t help it if I’m happy or sad
Today I cried for no reason
Made me feel like a psychopath
I should hate you ’cause I love you
You should hate yourself for treating me like that
We both know you only love you
Did you know they have a name for that?
You say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
My parents don’t like you
Why would they want to?
After they found me crying on the bathroom floor
I don’t even like me anymore
‘Cause you say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
You lose your voice when you yell too much
Don’t say you love me until you mess up
Phone calls past twelve o’clock, wanting me back
Don’t you know that they got a name for that?
You say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
My mood right now— Happier Than Ever by: Billie Eilish
When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever
Wish I could explain it better
I wish it wasn’t true
Give me a day or two to think of something clever
To write myself a letter
To tell me what to do, mm-mmm
Do you read my interviews?
Or do you skip my avenue? (My avenue)
When you (when you) said you were passing through
Was I even on your way?
I knew when I asked you to (when I asked you to)
Be cool about what I was telling you
You’d do the opposite of what you said you’d do (what you said you’d do)
And I’d end up more afraid
Don’t say it isn’t fair
You clearly weren’t aware that you made me miserable
So if you really wanna know
When I’m away from you (when I’m away from you)
I’m happier than ever (happier than ever)
Wish I could explain it better (wish I could explain it better)
I wish it wasn’t true (wish it wasn’t true), mmm-hmm
You call me again, drunk in your Benz
Driving home under the influence
You scared me to death, but I’m wasting my breath
‘Cause you only listen to your fucking friends
I don’t relate to you
I don’t relate to you, no
‘Cause I’d never treat me this shitty
You made me hate this city
And I don’t talk shit about you on the internet
Never told anyone anything bad
‘Cause that shit’s embarrassing, you were my everything
And all that you did was make me fucking sad
So don’t waste the time I don’t have
And don’t try to make me feel bad
I could talk about every time that you showed up on time
But I’d have an empty line ’cause you never did
Never paid any mind to my mother or friends
So I shut ’em all out for you ’cause I was a kid
You ruined everything good
Always said you were misunderstood
Made all my moments your own
Just fucking leave me alone
Storms Wrath
Storms Wrath
Her heart breaks at his words
Crushing the red dried roses that were once hers
Leaving nothing but dark red broken petals falling towards the grass
As the she lets out a howl from deep within
Crushed by his hateful words of deceit
The stab wounds going deep in her soul
She goes blue like a chill from winter’s brutal cold
Pain freezing her every thought
As her heart stops beating so damn hard
Tears staining her face with marks
She tries to understand what came her way
Lost for words with nothing left to say
Falling to the ground, she grabs the wounds on her way
His words of hate, breaking her once beautiful face
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Two headed Snake
Two headed Snake
Liar liar is all one sees
Tall tales is what thou repeats
No words of truth fall from thee
Just tales of lies thou sows and weaves
Spinning tales of deceit
Deception of how good to be
Making others wonder how thou can be
Manipulation is truly thy greatest masterpiece
Telling lies how great one can be
Twisting and turning people to fit the monster’s needs
Liar liar that is all thou will ever be
Today mine eyes were opened to see
The two-headed trickster dining at my feet
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
To my old clan- Adieu
Adieu
There are no words I can say that will ever make this okay.
There are no words to ever be told to make the truth ever sound sweet.
Lessons are learned from the mistakes we’ve made.
Lies and deceit are ever so instant nowadays.
Loyalty and love dead at the scene.
Words upon the alter sacrificed and slaughtered at your feet.
My love for you upon that slab beaten and battered.
I will take my memories, walk away, while my tears fall and splatter.
But remember one thing it was you I chose day after day.
With nothing left to say sweet goodbye are the last words you will hear me say. —Mizfit Queen aka Emma
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Emma the Mizfit 