I feel so stupid when we talk. Not because I can’t talk to you but because you make me feel dumb. You say I spin in circles and you are right. I try so hard not to but I am trying to fix that and make it right. I hate the feeling of disappointment I hear in your voice. I hate feeling like no matter what I do you I will never be your choice. I hate that I care. I hate that I become jealous for reasons I can’t explain. I hate that when I talk to you I feel safe. I hate that when I say something you get so mad. I especially hate when you make me laugh. I want to stay mad but can’t. I want to hate you but I can’t. I hate to care and think of you all the time. I know you don’t have feelings but that doesn’t change mine. Lost in the deep sea of reflection. Darkness consuming my mind. Trying to escape in the incoming flood. Lost in the sea of your non existent callous heart. ~Emma~
Tag: letting go
Save yourself
Sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you will never be good enough for him. It’s something you need to learn, no matter how much you try to be the one you aren’t. So accept the defeat and learn to just walk away. Somethings are worth fighting for, others aren’t worth your time. Learn the difference it will save you time and energy. ~Emma~
What notable things happened today?
As always finding myself in place I don’t belong. I was named Mizfit Queen for a reason and today I was reminded why that is.
Cut ties
Stop waiting for people that don’t give a crap about you to accept you. You look for validation from people that should not even be on your radar. So my advice, from my own personal experience is to just move on, do not look back. Whoever is left behind, never deserved to be in your presence. Have a blessed weekend. ~Emma~
Spencer greatest Frenchie ever!!!!
Today I found out I need to put my baby boy (dog) Spencer to sleep. I wish I could be more joyful but unfortunately this post won’t be joyful just sad. This little Frenchie came into my life 10 years ago. He was a whirlwind of just love and energy. He slept on my bed on his pillow that I had given him with his sheets. The sheets consisted of a pink playboy blanket that was super soft that he loved. On top of him he had a Tinkerbell blanket or the Dallas Cowboys blanket. He loved sleeping with them because my room was cold. We used to go for walks in the park and he loved walking. As he got older he would get more tired but he still loved walking even if he could hardly breathe on our walks. My sister lost her dog two years after I got Spencer. While she was grieving her loss I would let Spencer comfort her. It did cause a bit of struggle between us because she basically took ownership of him. But Spencer in the end had two mothers that loved him more than life itself. He continues to fight so I just pray that God have mercy and put him to rest. It will be painful to live without him but I wouldn’t trade one moment with him for not having this pain. The pain in my heart just reminds me how much I love him. In the end it is all worth the sadness and grief. So my message on this warm night is to be present in life and enjoy each moment for nothing last forever but the love we give each other. Have a beautiful day/night. ~Emma~
Know the difference
The best person to be around is someone that listens to you. Someone that accepts you and your crazy ways. One that still takes the extra time to let you know they will always be there for you no matter what. One that you never feel that you are constantly letting down by being yourself. If you find someone like that hold on to them. Because not everyone you meet will be that way in life. You will find many that will judge, cast stones, speak to you like you are stupid and dumb. Those are the ones you avoid. Because those people aren’t friends they are enemies learn the difference. ~Emma~
Have a blessed weekend
I know what I say doesn’t really matter to many people but this week has been very disheartening for me. Watching people losing their jobs(Tucker), rejoicing in a divorce(Steven Crowder) and finding some sort of sick pleasure in being right. While these things might seem trivial to some it has weighed on my heart. Not because of the actions of the individuals this has happened to but the people responding to these events. I used to think people can be cruel but held onto hope. But this week I was reminded that maybe there isn’t hope for a future. Maybe our time has come to end on this planet and it will all be over soon. I want to believe people can still be good and kind but the more I see people behave the less I believe humans are capable of being good at all. I take comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ died for this very reason. We aren’t good, we are all bad and it is through the blood of Jesus Christ that we will truly be made clean. I no longer think man can redeem themselves at all. The darkness chocking this earth is too great and instead of fighting it, many have just surrendered to it. Allowing themselves to become part of the darkness, part of the sin. They revel in its power and enjoy condemning others while not even looking at themselves in the mirror. None of us are good and we are all hypocrites but there is a difference between having pleasure in your sin and having remorse. I will not call on Christians or anyone else out because in the end we are each responsible for our own journey and what we did on this earth with our time. I do pray that this Sabbath many take time to be in the Presence of God. Not dwelling on others but asking God to change the sinfulness we carry. Instead of being the ugliest parts of the human race we become the beautiful things God created. Ask God to fill your heart with His love, His Holy Spirit and that He may guide you to be the light for His Glory not your own glory but His. I really hope everyone has a beautiful blessed weekend. May you all find peace in the chaos of this world. As always be the change you want to see in the world. Don’t be like everyone else, learn to be the light God made you to be, and shine in the darkness. ~Emma~
Life lessons
This week has been extremely hard and long. Super busy working and still somehow getting sucked into drama that just shouldn’t include me. As I sit on this Sabbath in a state of rest reminding myself that God only allows what we can handle. We forget that we are made stronger by each and every single event in our life. I know it might seem like a struggle, it sure as hell does feel that way for me. But we must never give up. We must keep fighting. So today I ask you to take time for yourself. Take time to reflect, to mediate, to pray, to speak to God, be one with yourself. Allow healing to come into you and allow God’s power to strengthen you to keep fighting. Because you are loved and you are not alone. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Don’t be afraid
Even if you express your affection to someone and they reject it. Don’t give up, someone else will accept you. So never be afraid of telling someone you like them. It makes you courageous and teaches you accept rejection with grace. Learning and growing is a part of the human experience. We must all learn and grow if not we will never be the best version of ourselves. So never stop growing, never stop learning and even in the face of rejection remember you are stronger today than you were yesterday. Everything happens for a reason, so embrace your chaos. Courage is not found in hiding who you are. Courage is found being confident in who you have become. Grow, learn and be the best version of yourself. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Never give up
Never stop being the best version of yourself. Many will try to change you. Many will find ways to convince you that you are not good enough. Many will try to let you believe that you are too broken to be loved. Don’t let that thinking keep you from shining the light God put inside you. Instead keep fighting the darkness that is trying to destroy you. Only you can fight that darkness. Only you have the power to keep fighting. Stay strong. You are not alone. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 