Do you have any collections?
I have a collection of journals. I started to write in my first diary at the age of 12. My mom was the one that bought me this little purple diary with a lock on it. After that she would buy me one for Christmas if I asked for one. I would ask for them because it depends how much I wrote. I know right now I have about 24 books. I have also a prayer book, a poem book, dream book, and my love book.
As I have said before May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a list of things that have helped me. I hope they help you. You are not alone.
Also trying to be a better version of yourself doesn’t mean you are weak.
Learning to forgive others for what they have done for you, only makes you feel stronger.
Self care is something we all must do. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will either.
Therapy is a tool to be used not ignored.
I want to encourage everyone that kindness goes a long away.
Coping skills are there to remind you, how to deal with issues.
Praying is one of the greatest ways to heal and find true peace.
Working out helps to make you feel good and give you the confidence you need.
Healthy eating is a way for you to take out the food that makes you feel down. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel sluggish. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel regret. Only eat and drink things that will help you to feel good about yourself. Not to mention that when eating healthy foods you also gain clarity. Stay away from junk food.
Remember journaling is way to put your thoughts down on paper. Even if it feels pointless the thought has been written and maybe now you can let it go.
If you experience any thoughts about self deleting please call for help or ask for help. People are not mind readers and don’t know what is going on. So please do seek help because you are not alone.
Last but not least remember God isn’t just the Creator. He can be your partner, your friend, your guide, your anchor through your life. If you truly need someone always there God is the perfect companion for you.
Today I went through one of my journals. It’s funny the things we don’t remember and the things we choose to remember. In this specific book was a letter to my niece. Now the interesting part is I refer to another journal to her in this letter. I wrote it in 2012 and speak of the other journal that I assume I wrote during my time being sick.
I speak of asking her to read the journals of my life to truly understand what I have been through. I even speak about a memory I don’t have in my mind. But the memory was written in the journal at the time. I tell her of the specific memory about a night that it was raining and thundering hard and she said let us pray. “Let us ask God to stop the rain and thunder.” Apparently that’s exactly what we did, and sure enough it had stopped raining and thundering. She tells me “let’s pray again and thank God for stopping the rain and thunder.”
I speak about the memory and reference to it as how close we were and go on about my sickness.
The actual reason I speak about it now, while reading that I thought to myself how much was my choice to not remember. It’s clear I was in the right mind in that particular letter. Yet the memory isn’t there of me ever writing this letter. How weird is it as humans we experience so much but don’t remember so many of the things we experience. We tell the same stories but without remembering all the details of the stories.
In this letter I beg her to read from one of the many journals I have of my life. I tell her to read the brown journal because in that journal I speak about her so much. It’s weird when all your memories are gone and you go back to read things you don’t remember writing.
I am extremely grateful that even though I lost so many of my memories, my journals are my archive. Maybe one day I will write a book completely based on those journals. It seems there are so many things that I experienced and don’t know about. I guess that was always the purpose behind journaling. You write what you feel in the moment. Years later that moment is gone but the memories, the pain, the thoughts you had are there written for you to see again.
I believe I was 12 years old when my mom gave me my first journal. I never thought my life would take so many turns. I am just grateful that it’s written in books I can go back to. Even if the memories aren’t there, I can still read them as if they were. Like going back in time I feel the memory like it’s just a dream.
I am grateful for the strength I have been given through my time of struggles. The world is a crazy chaotic mess and some people are just plain evil. Each time I am reminded of how mean people can be, I am also reminded how amazing life is. Life is short and it is precious. Many will cause you pain. Work can stress you out, daily activities can drive you nuts. But what I have found is, showing gratitude even for the smallest thing makes it worth fighting for. I have gone through a lot of tribulations in my life. I wake up each morning and thank God for another day. I know I have said this before but it is through His strength I am here. The point is finding things to be grateful for, even when you see nothing but darkness. Being kind, finding someone that was kind to you, maybe by holding the door open while you walked out the store. Waking up to breathe air and getting out of bed, these are things that might be small but always be grateful for. Old friends that make you smile. Laughing with your sister about a silly dog pooping in someone’s mouth. (By the way that’s an actual article she read to me today.) It is in those moments we must be grateful for. Let go of the weight of negativity, people that are mean, people that don’t appreciate you for being you. Find coping skills to help you find a better way to deal with the darkness. Being grateful, seeing the glass half full, try to find the silver lining, I know it’s hard. But you are worthy, find music to make you feel happy or sad. Sometimes a good cry helps. But always keep trying to fight the darkness that wants to bring you down. Going through any mental illness isn’t easy but keep fighting. And always remember you aren’t alone. God is there even if you don’t believe in Him, He believes in you. And I believe in you and I believe you can make it because I am a walking example of how you can get out of the dark and back into the light. It won’t be easy it will be hard. You will have to fight each and every single day but never give up. I am grateful today for my family, being able to get on this blog and write to you. One person might read this and I am okay with that. Because if that one person changes their outlook by reading my words than my job is done. I have been really busy but later today I will do one of my podcasts. It will just be me talking but I do believe it is important to continue reinforcing that mental health is a huge problem and it doesn’t get enough attention. I am grateful I woke up this morning and I am drinking my coffee. Hoping to share some positive thoughts to help or at least make you laugh. Before going through your day find something to be grateful. Grateful for shelter, grateful for a bed, grateful for another day, grateful for food. Check out the YouTube video I made, it’s a 3 min video with music and pictures. You can use it for praying, mediation or just sitting still and calming your thoughts that are trying to make you feel worthless. Start somewhere only you can decide to fight. Write down your thoughts, find the strength to keep moving forward. I can’t make you fight depression or any mental illness. Only you can scream to the heavens and beg for strength. But for now dwell in the knowledge I will be praying for all of you. Let us all wake up with grateful hearts. Have a beautiful day ~Emma~
Check out the link 👆🏻
It has been a very difficult year for me especially the last five months. I did not notice I had gone into a depression until I was in the middle of it. I am working hard with my books and creating content, so I really thought I was fine. It wasn’t till about around my birthday that I realized, I was not just depressed, I was extremely depressed. I have joined group therapy again which is helping me a lot. I am trying some new coping skills to try and change my behavior. The fact that I didn’t even notice I was going through a depression is extremely alarming to me. I can’t afford to allow it to take me over. I spent over 10 years fighting a very dark depression. So, for me being proactive is the only way I can keep myself from falling that deep again. Therapy has always been my go to, coloring, writing, working out all kept me focus. I really thought with the busy schedule, I was doing much better. Now I realized I wasn’t. Why share this? Simple you are not alone. I was so busy trying to focus on the future, what I was doing and how to get there. I wasn’t taking the time to focus on myself. You need to focus on yourself not just work, not just the future and what you want to do. Being proactive when you know you suffer from any mental illness will keep you from losing complete control. It’s important to establish ways to cope and find help when you need it. I made my appointments, told my family and I am going to each session. It is not something I can afford to lose control of, so today I decided to share that with you. Don’t be afraid to fall and seek help when needed. It is not weak to ask for help or find help for yourself. Remember fighting mental illness is a fight that never stops. You wake up, it is part of you and you have to learn to fight it every day. No day will be easy, no day will be lite, each day is worth fighting for. Some people don’t have that battle but it is my battle and if it is your battle don’t give up. You are not alone no matter how many times you feel alone. Keep fighting because each day is worth living. ~~Emma~~
Emma the Mizfit 