I wish I could write a happy note and be positive but it has escaped me. Right at this very moment I am extremely hurt. I can’t even begin to explain the pain I feel but it has taken a hold of me. When you find that you have loved someone so much but they have disregarded you as piece of shit it is soul crushing. It makes me mad, angry, and just utterly broken. I will never be like that no matter how broken I feel. I won’t be like that person or the people that defend this person. I have lost a part of my heart probably to never find it again. All I can do is mourn it and let it go eventually. There is no point in trying to find or let anyone understand what you feel. They see things through their eyes and only their eyes, you can’t change that. It’s just heartbreaking and I am not okay with it. ~Emma~
Tag: hurt
Embrace the Chaos
When the world is mean and makes you full of sadness, remember how special you are to God. He will never leave your side, He will always love you. He will always accept your kind of crazy because He knows you are enough being you. Embrace the chaos that is you, because it’s beautiful when it is you. Don’t let anyone take that from you. ~Emma~
Christmas message
It’s the night for me before Christmas Eve. It should be one filled with joy and happiness. Unfortunately with me being sick most of the month I haven’t felt joyful to say the least. I have been reading this Bible plan which talks about Christmas and the true meaning and how much we have forgotten about what it truly means. I guess that’s why I am truly sad about. Christmas no longer is about Christ’s birth. No it’s about gifts and it’s about dinners and what to wear how to dress what to decorate. Today I worked my ass off decorating our family room making sure it is perfect for anyone coming over. As I did that my sister took off with my niece and brother. I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much but the fact that here I am trying to make it perfect for no one. Because the truth is no one cares. I cared and put all my effort into something no one will give a shit about. It broke my heart and made me super angry. Why do I continue the cycle of insanity of trying to make others happy even as I feel like complete crap? Why am I still freaking doing everything I can to make them happy when in the end you truly have no one that actually cares or is even willing to give you the time you want. This used to be my favorite season and I wish I could say it has been one thing that took that from me but it wasn’t. No it’s been a long month of crap that just stripped it all from me and it was today that I decided I don’t want any part of it. My sister and mother say it’s just me throwing my usual tantrum but they don’t get it. How hard it has been on me personally but the truth is they don’t care. No one cares how you feel or how your mind turns. They only care of themselves and what they are going through to actually care about others. They don’t care about you they say they do but the truth is when you feel the loneliest no one is there. So my my friends tonight might be my last post for a few days. But regardless of how my Christmas will be I do hope for you all to have a wonderful one. I wish I could give you a positive attitude but at this moment I am too down to actually be positive about anything. God is my strength and with him I will carry on. No matter how anyone makes me feel I will hold hope by holding his hand. And I hope for the rest of you that feel the way I do at this moment you do the same. Hope by holding the hand of God, you have nothing to lose by holding on to him for strength. That’s the only thing I can give you. Merry Christmas everyone. ~Emma~
Dear friend: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Dear “friend”, I want to say thank you for we no longer speak. Time has passed us by and friends we never really were you see. Things change, I have changed, my heart no longer cares for any of you. It’s strange you love something till you find out it wasn’t worth your time and it never was. You learn to let go not because you have forgotten the hurt or pain but because you no longer need them at all. They no longer exist in your life. You learned a valuable lesson that your “friend” may never see but wish them well. Never look back with regret and don’t forget the only one with the power is yourself. This “friend” I write about doesn’t exist they never did. Complete figment of my imagination because the truth is, real friends would be there for you, only figments of our imagination never existed in our life. So let go of the lie this friend never existed. Tomorrow when you open your eyes it’s your world no one else’s. So erase the figment of your imagination and dive into a new world free from the lie. Stop wasting time on shadows that never existed live in the present with the love around you. Sincerely, the Black Rose
You know Nothing!!!
Today was a long day. Sitting here about to have a conversation with God and wanted to drop few lines. I finished reading the first Dune book. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to the next book in the series. I watched the whole Tim Pool/Kayne thing last night. My heart goes out to Kayne. Unfortunately, the world is extremely cruel to ppl with a mental illness disorder. They don’t understand and they are extremely dismissive about anything coming from someone that has any mental health issue. I really do feel for him because unlike many others that assume to know how it feels or understand, you don’t. It’s not easy and you can be compassionate, understanding and love the person that suffers. But at the end of the day you have no clue how hard it is for them to fight to be heard. You have no idea how hard life is for them. You can watch all you like and judge however you like. But unless you are suffering and fighting every day with mental health problems you have no idea. So please do me a favor to all the ppl that think they know….shut up! You know nothing. What that person needs is love, kindness, compassion, understanding, to feel like they are heard and God. If you can’t be any of those things in that person’s life stfu and walk away. I have zero tolerance for ppl that pretend to know how it feels or how they think it is. You have no clue, so stop. My prayers go out to Kayne and all of you whom suffer from any mental disorder. It’s not an easy fight. You fight each and every day but don’t give up. You are not alone. Never forget you are not alone!!! I might be one but together we are many. Always, Emma~
Listening to music can be the most therapeutic thing for me at times
Narcissist by: Avery Anna
Out of touch with my feelings
I can’t help it if I’m happy or sad
Today I cried for no reason
Made me feel like a psychopath
I should hate you ’cause I love you
You should hate yourself for treating me like that
We both know you only love you
Did you know they have a name for that?
You say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
My parents don’t like you
Why would they want to?
After they found me crying on the bathroom floor
I don’t even like me anymore
‘Cause you say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
You lose your voice when you yell too much
Don’t say you love me until you mess up
Phone calls past twelve o’clock, wanting me back
Don’t you know that they got a name for that?
You say that I’m crazy
You say that you’re sorry
Won’t happen again
You say I’m dramatic
I’m overreacting
And maybe I am
And I know you’ll get over me
But can you get over yourself?
Before you go and love somebody else
You should probably get some help
Storms Wrath
Storms Wrath
Her heart breaks at his words
Crushing the red dried roses that were once hers
Leaving nothing but dark red broken petals falling towards the grass
As the she lets out a howl from deep within
Crushed by his hateful words of deceit
The stab wounds going deep in her soul
She goes blue like a chill from winter’s brutal cold
Pain freezing her every thought
As her heart stops beating so damn hard
Tears staining her face with marks
She tries to understand what came her way
Lost for words with nothing left to say
Falling to the ground, she grabs the wounds on her way
His words of hate, breaking her once beautiful face
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Two headed Snake
Two headed Snake
Liar liar is all one sees
Tall tales is what thou repeats
No words of truth fall from thee
Just tales of lies thou sows and weaves
Spinning tales of deceit
Deception of how good to be
Making others wonder how thou can be
Manipulation is truly thy greatest masterpiece
Telling lies how great one can be
Twisting and turning people to fit the monster’s needs
Liar liar that is all thou will ever be
Today mine eyes were opened to see
The two-headed trickster dining at my feet
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Emma the Mizfit 