Tag: growing

Wasted time

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It’s easy to forget why we even spoke. I found you to be incredibly interesting and a mystery to me. As time went on I started to see how truly amazing your thinking can be. It’s extremely important for you to understand that your way of thinking was something I never encountered before.

You were extremely helpful to me in learning about others and the way they think. I appreciate you taking the time to show me how to grow as an individual and to become more confident in myself. Though our paths maybe be different, it was enjoyable to have you during that time.

Our paths may never cross again but I did want to take time to thank you for being there. I learned a lot about myself and my own journey that I must take to grow. I also learned that communication and compromise must always be there, in order for anything to work. Regardless of the relationship, lovers, friends or family, communication and patience are a must. In order for any relationship to succeed one must be willing to compromise, understand and trust one another. Without those main elements the relationship will not be successful at all.

So even though we don’t talk anymore and time has gone by. May the next chapter of life, wherever it may take us, be a good chapter. So regardless of the outcome it was well worth the wasted time we spent together. ~Emma~

Best advice

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What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

A real friend will tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings. Others will lie and not tell you the truth. Why because they don’t care if you look or sound stupid, but I do.

Energy

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What things give you energy?

Working out gives me energy, going through one of my bipolar highs gives me a lot of energy. Maybe sometimes a little too much energy it can be overwhelming for others. But two things that give me a lot of energy.

Save yourself

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Sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you will never be good enough for him. It’s something you need to learn, no matter how much you try to be the one you aren’t. So accept the defeat and learn to just walk away. Somethings are worth fighting for, others aren’t worth your time. Learn the difference it will save you time and energy. ~Emma~

Lessons to learn

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I wish I could write from a place of positivity but life is harsh and cruel. I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am also grateful for the tough lessons I must still learn. They are painful lessons but they must be learned, to make a better person. Yesterday, I prayed on some things and this morning I got the answers. It’s not a choice I wanted to make, but sometimes it’s something we must do in order to find ourselves on the right path. There is a saying about dangerous prayers, if you ask God for something what you get might not be the answer you asked for. The answer isn’t always what we want when we ask for God’s help. It’s for Him to take control and if we truly believe that He is in control we must listen to what He is telling us. It might not be what we wanted but it will be the path God wanted us to go. These are what they call dangerous prayers because He will answer the prayer. In my own life I have been blessed to have some of my own dangerous prayers answered. Some in a good way that I was so excited and other times I lost people I loved or doors that closed. I have asked for others in those dangerous prayers and have seen them take a different path right before my eyes. God is working in our lives, we just need to be able to surrender and give Him full control. It might not be what we wanted but the truth is we don’t know the future and if He pulls something from your life it’s because He needs you somewhere else. Like I started this blog, life is harsh and cruel and I want to be the positive hope you see. But in honesty even my hopes are broken when what I want isn’t something for me. We must learn to accept the disappointment and learn to become stronger from the lesson. Not everyone is meant to be a chapter in your story. Some are just meant to be side characters or tiny little paragraphs on one page. They are not meant for more than the lesson you learn and they serve that purpose. It is up to us to learn the lesson and grow from that. I hope you all have a beautiful blessed week. ~Emma~

Grateful

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How do you express your gratitude?

Each morning I wake up and thank God for allowing me to wake up. I ask Him to grant me the strength to face the day. At the end of the day before heading to bed I thank God for all the little things. I also thank Him for the big things but especially the little things that I might not give thanks for in my prayer. The way I see it is God is constantly in your day, every single moment of your day, so ofc He knows what you go through. So I might thank Him for one particular thing because I forget when praying at night. So I make sure to include the little things that have slipped my mind and express my gratitude for Him getting me through that moment. We all get overwhelmed by life, other people in our lives, feelings, issues that nag us, things we wish we could change but can’t because it’s beyond our own power. These things make us feel sad, depressed or even just overwhelmed with stress. It is those moments that I lean on God the most. This weekend I was completely hurt by an individual that went out of their way to hurt me. Was it necessary, no it made me feel like crap. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to not get angry to just move on and He helped me. Am I still hurt of course I am but I am also learning and growing, trying to become a better person. I can’t do that alone, no one can. Even when you are having the worst day in the world and your life is completely in chaos, there is still something to be grateful for. You just need to find it and learn to practice being grateful. It is one of my coping skills and it doesn’t always work but learning to be thankful even for waking up in the morning is a start. It’s something I try to live by and it’s something I try to teach others to use as a coping skill. A thankful heart is one that can always find hope even in the midst of darkness.

Finding my own way…

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Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

After I became sick I was on many medications that made me gain a lot of weight. Always being thin I had no clue how it felt to gain so much weight. After years later and I started getting better at controlling my moods I also started to control my weight. Seeing how all the weight was gained because of the medications, I was slowly taken off most of them. With my doctor’s approval. I lost so much weight but I am no where near the weight I was before becoming sick. So I spend my time dog sitting(my business) which helps to keep me active. It keeps me walking and constantly moving. It has helped me mentally and physically taking care of the dogs. I eat healthy meals and focused my goal to return to me original weight. It’s harder now that I am older but I refuse to give up. Learning to live life after being sick and learning ways to combat the slide of any mental illness is not easy. It’s a constant battle for me each day. Dog sitting is one example of my many ways of trying to live a sustainable lifestyle. I find different things to keep me growing into a better version of the person I was yesterday while also learning to live a better day today. It’s not easy but I try to keep my focus and just ask God to help me each day. It takes time to learn how to find a balance within yourself. But it can be done, again not easy but totally worth it when you get there. Finding the path to a healthy lifestyle while growing, learning to become a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically will be beautiful when I reach my goal. As for now I take it one day at a time, one walk at a time, one meal at a time, one coping skill at a time. It’s hard especially when you want to give up when life gets so dark but you must never giveyes up. My number one thing I do each day is thank God for waking me up and I ask to give me the strength and He does. I am still learning to not suffocate people instead enjoy the silence alone. I am trying to learn to take time for myself. I am also trying to learn to allow space for myself for my feelings for my thoughts. While also learning to give people the space that they need. While also learning to give people the space that they need. These are some of the things I do to help me live a sustainable lifestyle. Learning to respect myself and others, and giving time for things to grow. I hope the reading this you can learn something to. Have a beautiful night\day. ~Emma~

I am the chaos and the chaos is me….

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How does one ever truly learn to treat others than not by the people around them? How can a girl learn how a man is to treat her if the men around her weren’t strong or a good example? How can she learn what love looks like when she doesn’t know? Questions I have asked myself a dozen times. I have never truly found love or been loved by a man because I don’t know what that feels like. Though I might not have the love of a father that showed me how to love and be loved, my mother showed me a different kind of love. It’s weird because my father has always provided for us but has never truly been there, if that makes any sense. I guess it’s why I have never truly found a man to love me. It’s because I have never seen a strong relationship around me. With that said my mother has shown me love beyond words. But I will save that for Mother’s Day. But today my blog is about not having a strong man to show me how love is suppose to be like. Am I doomed to never know what love is? I have given my heart to men that have never deserved my heart. But was I truly in love if I have never known what love was? Love is more than butterflies in your stomach or feeling happy to see someone. It’s a connection, more than just a connection it’s respect, it’s unconditional, and it’s something worth fighting for I assume. Maybe not knowing how to love is a good thing. A chaotic soul as myself will surely find it easier being alone when you feel no one can truly hold you down. It’s easy to fall in and out of love with men I will never truly give my heart to. It’s easy to love someone far away like on the other side of the country because you will never be with them. Falling in love with their soul is easy but it’s truly never real. It’s easy to feel like it is real for the time because it does feel real but as time moves you know it is not real. In the end you learn it was just a connection you had with someone but never truly loved them. So on this Friday night I wonder will I ever fall in love or learn what that feels like. I guess only time will tell for as the night passes, my mind wanders into the chaos of stars in the sky. As the warm temperatures are high I know one day all my questions will be answered. But on this day, this night I sit in the quiet peace of the chaotic soothing sound of silence. Have a blessed weekend my friends. ~Emma~

Don’t be afraid

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Even if you express your affection to someone and they reject it. Don’t give up, someone else will accept you. So never be afraid of telling someone you like them. It makes you courageous and teaches you accept rejection with grace. Learning and growing is a part of the human experience. We must all learn and grow if not we will never be the best version of ourselves. So never stop growing, never stop learning and even in the face of rejection remember you are stronger today than you were yesterday. Everything happens for a reason, so embrace your chaos. Courage is not found in hiding who you are. Courage is found being confident in who you have become. Grow, learn and be the best version of yourself. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~