Tag: growing

Expectations

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Why is loyalty an expensive expectation? It’s not like it’s not earned. It is something you have to work for and when it’s given to you, it should be cherished. Yet so many are not loyal. Not loyal friends not loyal to their family not loyal to their country Not loyal to their partners.

If I myself asking this question over and over again, why can’t people be loyal? Is it because of the disloyalty of Adam and Eve? Are we meant to carry the same sin of disloyalty towards others?

It might be that simple maybe not I could be wrong. I hope Someone proves me wrong. If not, I will die knowing that loyalty is something many just don’t get.

That’s why

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Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

I’m at the age where I realize I am grateful for the life I have lived. It wasn’t what I set out in my life. Many things happened that took me off the path I wanted to be on. But ultimately it was God that made this path I walk on. For His Will and His Purpose I walk it willingly. I don’t know why but His Purpose is what I live for. So no there is no age or year of my life I would re-live.

Everything happens for a reason learning to accept that is hard. But knowing the path you walk is with God makes it much easier to walk.

Birthday

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My birthday was the other day and it got me thinking. I am incredibly grateful for each and every single day I wake up. I know everyone doesn’t get to do the things that they have or that I have. I know some people don’t have the people that they have in their lives and I am extremely lucky to still have my parents and my family involved in my life.

I think after a certain age, you stop actually counting as you go up, but you are incredibly more blessed and thankful. You concentrate more on the things that you do have and not the things that you don’t have.

You think of all the ways that you have survived, the battles that you fought and still walked away. With scars and sweat and blood dripping down, it made no difference because you still walked away stronger.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and filled with gratitude. Just because you don’t think God exists or is working in your life doesn’t mean that he isn’t. God is always working in your life. God is always blessing you sometimes it’s just not the way that you expect things to be. So as I go to another year, hopefully with God‘s blessing. I hope I’m able to do all the things that I wanna do and all the things he wants me to do. I want to show him as my greatest joy in my life because God has always and will always be my greatest love

I can’t do anything if God doesn’t give me the strength the will and the power to do it. I owe all of the blessings I have to my Lord and Savior. So as I reflect on the year that has passed and the year that’s coming I hope and pray that this be the year that God grant me the one thing I’m asking for. But either which way my life is in his hand and it’s all in his timing. ~~always, Emma~~

Life update

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It’s been a really busy week. A good time of the year because we’re extremely busy, but my allergies have been making my life hard. I am still grateful for each and every single day that I get to wake up in the morning. I thank God every single day for each and every single moment that I get to spend with my mom, my dad, my sister the dog, working out, eating healthy, and and not trying to spend too much time watching C dramas

I have spent more time this week, not being on TikTok, YouTube, or any other social media platform. Mainly because there’s a lot of reasons for you to get angry and I don’t like to get angry. So for my own peace of mind, I have decided to take some time off of the social media platforms.

I am more focused on my relationship with God than I am about other people and their drama and bringing that person down and all the stuff that’s so unnecessary right now. Life is difficult enough. We don’t really need to be fighting for every single thing. I am trying to get my mom to work out more because she’s elderly and I’m trying to prepare her for the cruise next year.

So I spend a lot of time working out with her to get her into shape that makes her more flexible. Not just flexible, but also stronger so that she could have more stamina when we’re walking around. I don’t think people realize how hard it is to take care of your parents as they get older. It’s like dealing with toddlers. Except for toddlers, you can put your foot down but with your parents, they’re adults and you don’t want to belittle them. They’ve worked hard all their lives, and they do deserve to kind of like sit back. Even if I disagree with all the time that they sit back and take naps.

But I am in a really good headspace right now and I think that is the best part of my life right now. I am becoming more disciplined, focusing more on getting stronger building a foundation and spending time with my family and God.

I hope you are all doing well and I hope you have a wonderful beautiful weekend. Stay blessed.~~ Emma~~

To the One with No Name

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I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.

You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.

I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.

I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.

I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.

Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~

Absolutely!!!

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Do you trust your instincts?

I absolutely trust my instincts without a doubt. I was one that used to doubt myself and my own instincts. But as I got older and more aware of how people behave it became extremely clear.

We all meet people the kind of people that don’t sit right with us. It’s not judging them without knowing them or anything like that. It’s more like something inside you is telling you, something about this person gives off this strange vibe.

We write it off as being paranoid or just thinking about it too much. Later on we find out boom the person wasn’t trust worthy, and completely backstabbed you.

I used to a be a firm believer give everyone a chance. If I am kind and loving they will be the same. Instead I lost a lot of time on people that didn’t deserve to be in my life. I even lost myself for a time, chasing after a bunch of losers I thought were friends. They weren’t friends, they were users.

You know the kind of people that use you for a time and then turn their back on you like if you meant nothing.

That is because you meant nothing to them. You were replaced with someone else. People like this don’t deserve to be in your life. Even if they have changed and you meet again wish them luck and move on.

I feel strongly that our basic instincts are God given and Him speaking to us. But we are so used to thinking that can’t be true. I strongly believe and feel that your instincts turn out right because it was God warning you. So instead of not listening to our instincts we need to learn to trust them. Because there is a reason God gave us this gift. Learn to use it to protect yourself.

I have learned many lessons the older I got and the first lesson was always trust my instincts. Because every single time it has been right. Hope you all have a beautiful day.

Foot check?!?

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So today I went to doctor to get my foot checked. Not only is there a tear in a ligament but I also have a deep sprain in one of the ligaments that are “strongest” ones in the foot. I am going to have to do therapy and walk with the stupid foot corset till it gets better. 

It’s funny since I was young I have always been accident prone. I have always blamed Satan 🤣. I always would say “damn Satan is really trying to take me out” not just take me out but with walls, floors, kitchen island, chairs, stairs, doors, sidewalks, my cat. It’s endless the ways he has tried. 

I laugh about it now but in reality I have always felt that way. Still I am grateful that regardless of all the “accidents” I have had I am still alive to write this blog. Not only alive but grateful for each and every scar that I have gotten on this journey called life. 

We must always be grateful for the good and bad moments in life. It’s through the bad moments we learn to cherish the good moments even more. So even though I will end up in therapy for my foot, hopefully I will learn to tolerate the pain and get through each moment smiling. 

For each day we wake up is a good day.  ~Emma~ 

Goodness of God: sang by CeCe Winans

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I love You, Lord
Oh, Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah

And all my life You have been faithful, oh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me, oh-oh
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing
Oh, 'cause
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God

Who Am I to Stand in Your Way

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Song by: Chester See

Forgive me

I may have said things

That aren’t exactly

The way that I feel

I told you I’d be strong

I said that I’d moved on

But it doesn’t take long

To realize

That I’m not over you

But if there is somebody that makes you feel happy

Tends to your heart in the ways I’d been lacking

Then who am I who am I to stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

I won’t stand in your way…

I know it sounds crazy

But I need you to trust me

If it’s how it must be

Then I’ll fade away

When it finally feels true

Then do what you have to

‘Cause I’ll never blame you

For not choosing me

But I’m not over you

But If there is somebody that makes you feel happy

Tends to your heart in the ways I’d been lacking

Then who am I who am I to stand in your way

That I feel is no longer your burden

If there is someone that can make you feel perfect

Then who am I who am I to stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

I won’t stand in your way…

Down the road someone will ask me if I know you

I’ll pause for a moment I’ll smile and say that I used… to

If there is somebody that makes you feel happy

Tends to your heart in the ways I’d been lacking

Then who am I who am I to stand in your way

That I feel is no longer your burden

If there is someone that can make you feel perfect

Then who am I who am I to stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

To stand in your way…

I won’t stand in your way…

I won’t stand in your way

I won’t stand in your way

Chasing you? Nope that’s a hard pass!

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Disappointed is some thing I have become very familiar with. Just when you start to feel comfortable around people you find out that they are complete jerks. You want to try to do your best, you wanna to fit in but when you realize that you don’t, it’s doesn’t seem to matter as much. As I have gotten older I realize that I’m more comfortable in my skin. As time flows by I realize that the people that I want in my life, won’t ask to be in it. If you don’t want to be in my life, leave. I will never ask you to be in it. If you feel that you want to leave, I am not going to hold you back. I want you to be able to want to stay. I don’t want to be second place, I don’t wanna be the default choice I want to be the one that you choose. If you can’t do that, and if you feel like you’re missing out then by all means walk away. If you think that I’m going to sit here and beg you to stay, you’re wrong. I’m an extremely loyal person and if I can’t get that loyalty back, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about making the wrong choices. It’s about knowing my worth and I know I am worthy of being loved and being happy. Surrounded by people that want to be with me. Surrounded by people that love me for me. Surrounded by people that accept me for me.

People are like seasons, in the summer you feel the heat of some peoples love. In the winter, you feel the chill and cold you see the real face of people that hide it so much to not show. In the spring, you might find the warmth of the sun that makes you think people can change. Like a rose that is blooming. But just like the autumn season, you see the beautiful colors of change and right before winter the leaves die, the flowers die, and everything dies right before the cold of winter. People are exactly the same way. You may never get to see their real cold side. You may never get to see the blooming rose in the spring and you may never feel the heat of summer, but you definitely get to feel the autumn right before the winter when everything has died.

Some things need to be let go of, I won’t hold you to your word. I won’t even try to win you back. I won’t even try to talk to you to reason with you. Because in the end I chose me. And my choice, I chose to walk away. Because in the end you are not worth fighting for. If you feel, I am not worth fighting for I think we are exactly where we are supposed to be. On the opposite of friendship. You make time for the people who mean something to you. Let this be a lesson to learn that letting go or walking away is more powerful than being surrounded by snakes.

I wish you the best always ~Emma~