Last night I got into a fight with someone. He is a friend or I would like to think we are friends. Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend or just someone that annoys him. I was upset because I don’t have many friends so after the death of my beloved Spencer last Friday I was feeling really down and depressed. I spent an hour crying and after crying I got super mad. Maybe I pointed the anger the wrong way which I can admit but it also made me wonder why this person didn’t even reach out to see if I am okay. We spoke several times through the day but not once did he ask. Maybe I am wrong to have expected anything from anyone only setting myself for disappointment. But I truly believed it was different with us that our friendship was genuine and true. But maybe the only fool was me for actually believing that we were friends. Or maybe I thought of the relationship as more than it was. I really don’t want to believe that but then again I have been told I am delusional, chaotic and a drama queen. So adding to that growing list, clueless and stupid wouldn’t be that far out there. I wanted to end this on a positive note so I will finish with this. After telling this person I was mad at them, would not talk to them because I was pissed that they didn’t even reach out. I was told that it was my choice to not speak to them and when I do decide to speak to them they won’t be around. Which brings me back to my main concern which is am I the problem and was it my fault that caused the situation. Am I the one who is being unreasonable with just expecting someone to just reach out to see if I am okay. Or am I just dumb to even think of us as friends? I leave the question to you hopefully you can answer me. It’s clear his answer will be nothing but crickets so I do hope someone can give me some good advice. Maybe I am delusional but I don’t know what to do. I keep giving my heart in these friendships and I am constantly abandoned by the same people that say they will be there. Maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there. Am I the problem? ~Emma~
Tag: friends
Broken Trust : written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Black arrows go piercing through the night
Screaming in agony as blood pours out her mouth
The shots piercing close to the heart
Hiding in the shadows she tries to run
He points the arrows to hit again
With disgust in his eyes
Tears fall as she cries
Pleading and begging for her life
He leans back with his bow
Shoots her right through the leg
She falls to the ground
No expression as he walks down
The death of her merely an inconvenience he tries to say
Abandoned and laying in a pool of blood
Her eyes filled with suffering the unbearable pain
She looks to the star filled sky as her breathing starts to fade
Looking down at her
He bends down to whisper words for her to hear
“You were never worthy of being here with me”
He reaches and grabs one more arrow
His hand sweeps her tear filled face
He sticks the arrow deep within her heart
Tear stained cheeks as life leaves her behind
With pity he looks back his head facing down
Sorry for the chaos of putting her down
Sorrow sweeps into his heart
The smell of her scent
The way she smiled
The way she laughed
The way she felt in his arms
The memories rush to him like hitting a brick wall
But as cold as ice he simply pushes them away
He no longer can afford to care
No one will get that close he vows to the sky
She is the last one to ever make him feel alive
Consumed by death he walks away
Never to return to the way of light
He walks in the darkness never to see the day
For the light he once held is gone and dead
No longer left to shine in his world
Walking back he tries to forget her face
But he looks back one more time and turns away.
Know the difference
The best person to be around is someone that listens to you. Someone that accepts you and your crazy ways. One that still takes the extra time to let you know they will always be there for you no matter what. One that you never feel that you are constantly letting down by being yourself. If you find someone like that hold on to them. Because not everyone you meet will be that way in life. You will find many that will judge, cast stones, speak to you like you are stupid and dumb. Those are the ones you avoid. Because those people aren’t friends they are enemies learn the difference. ~Emma~
Don’t be afraid
Even if you express your affection to someone and they reject it. Don’t give up, someone else will accept you. So never be afraid of telling someone you like them. It makes you courageous and teaches you accept rejection with grace. Learning and growing is a part of the human experience. We must all learn and grow if not we will never be the best version of ourselves. So never stop growing, never stop learning and even in the face of rejection remember you are stronger today than you were yesterday. Everything happens for a reason, so embrace your chaos. Courage is not found in hiding who you are. Courage is found being confident in who you have become. Grow, learn and be the best version of yourself. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Just something to think about
When people first show a peek into their heart don’t just dismiss it. Some people are extremely good at hiding their dark side so the moment you even see a hint of it don’t dismiss it. Because if they are that good at hiding their real side they are capable of anything. ~Emma~
Random thoughts: Freedom
One of the most profound moments in life is finding freedom. Freedom from people that don’t care about you. Freedom from situations you stop caring about. Freedom from the chains of obligations you have put on yourself to people that truly only care about themselves. Freedom to create a brighter future for yourself. Freedom to know your worth and no longer give a fk what others think. That is the most profound freedom one can find. ~Emma~
Feelings ?!?
What do you say to a person that is your friend that you may have feelings for them? You don’t want to ruin what you have but you can feel all these things you never knew you felt. Stupid I know, that’s what I keep saying. Don’t fall into old patterns. And it’s stupid because he is not like any other person I have ever met. Is it stupid? Am I crazy? To feel like I genuinely like them. I don’t know maybe I am stupid and completely reckless with my heart. But it’s like when we speak, even speaking of him being with another person, my heart feels something. It’s dumb I know. I just don’t know anymore. He makes me question everything. He makes me feel like I can achieve my goals. I can find my own happiness and it just feels like he takes joy in me becoming a better person. I know I shouldn’t even entertain the ideas, if I do it will just mess up our friendship. I love our friendship I don’t want to ruin that I want to be honest and just love him. Maybe just being his friend is enough love and not expecting anything back. I am stupid I know but I do know I don’t want us to not be friends. He is extremely important to me and I can’t lose him. Not over emotions that I am sure he doesn’t have. So I will stay positive and allow time to do it’s thing. Just working on myself. Yes I am sharing my own personal crazy thoughts. I hope the new day brings you much love and a beautiful day. Remember be the reason smiles today. ~Emma~
People suck
It’s always remarkable to me how quickly people turn their back on you. You stand there looking out for them and it quickly becomes “I never asked you to.” Some things we learn over time. Some things we learn through nothing more than being told we cause “drama” by existing. Well I no longer care if you see me as drama. It used to be called loyalty but in a world with no true meaning of anything, I can understand why one sees as drama. The days of me sticking my neck out for others is done. Because this girl no longer cares what happens to anyone. ~Emma~
Closure
Closure
Goodbyes are not easy
Closing a chapter is hard
Ending the time, you shared
Adapting to a new environment is tricky
Letting go finally makes life move forward
Don’t allow your past define your future
Learn from the mistakes
Learn from the lessons
Learn and adapt
One can only move forward by letting go
Never looking back
The future is ahead of you not behind you
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Love letters-Always the Huntress
Dear Sweet Love,
I wonder what you are doing right now. So much time has passed since our last real conversation. A year has gone by it seems like time flies right by. I could tell you so much has happened but I know we no longer share any connection. I used to think that maybe life would bring us back together, but if wishes were fishes we would all live in the sea. I am trying hard to forget everything you made me feel. I know it’s for the best and if I am honest with myself I know you did me the favor. You knew I would not be able to let go, so you did it for me. I will never be able to thank you for what you did but I am so grateful. Thank you for knowing me better than I knew myself. The year has been filled with tears, heartache, and pain but it has also been filled with lots of new adventures. Learning to fly is exactly what I needed to do. I will be forever grateful for falling in love with you. Moving forward I look at our time fondly but no longer want to repeat the time spent together. My heart no longer aches for you. I miss your laugh, smile and countless times we spent talking. You even make guest appearances in my dreams. Thank you for being the person I needed and for being the friend that let me go. I look forward to my future and know our paths will never cross again. You will always have a place in my heart even if we never see each other again. My dear sweet darling, I wish you nothing but love and the best.
Always the Huntress
Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Emma the Mizfit 