Written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
I scream
I yell
Still no one hears me
I shake my hands
I stomp my feet
Still no one hears me
I jump up
I jump down
Still no one sees me
I cry
I die
Still no one can hear or see me
Tag: friends
Love
What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?
Give my heart completely to a man. I have never actually given my heart away. I have liked many and fallen for a few but honestly I have never given my heart to any man.
Abortion
What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?
Abortion: I once believed it was the right of the woman to make that choice. Though I was always a Christian and didn’t believe it should be used in most cases, just for rape the usual talking points, you know them. Well when my brother and his girlfriend which would be his wife later on had their first child. They had the child young, anyway it was seeing her born that changed my life. I was young only in my own teens when I saw this beautiful baby. She was the most adorable beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes upon. She had stolen my heart away my beautiful niece. It was in that day I no longer believed it was the right of any woman to take a child’s life. If I could love a baby that much and she wasn’t my own, no baby should ever not exist because someone else decided their fate. This is something I believe in my core and will never change my mind. All babies deserve to live. The fact that we even live in a society that doesn’t protect babies makes this a very dark time period in our history.
What do I value?
What’s the trait you value most about yourself?
I am myself all the time, I think it’s the most valuable trait. It also comes with a downside. Everyone always talks about how they want someone who is themselves and not trying to be anyone else. But the cold hard truth is men like to buy the lie. Girls that are lying to them, using them, girls that will have sex with them on the first night. They say they have standards but the truth is they don’t. A pretty face with a hot body and that’s it, they are all after you. Five month later they wonder why the relationship didn’t work. Turns out she was a nasty bit*h that was only using you for whatever she wanted. I am who I am and only grow to be a better version of myself. I am completely unpredictable, and even chaotic at times but always myself.
Best advice
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
A real friend will tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings. Others will lie and not tell you the truth. Why because they don’t care if you look or sound stupid, but I do.
Save yourself
Sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you will never be good enough for him. It’s something you need to learn, no matter how much you try to be the one you aren’t. So accept the defeat and learn to just walk away. Somethings are worth fighting for, others aren’t worth your time. Learn the difference it will save you time and energy. ~Emma~
Write about your first crush.
I don’t remember my first crush due to having a lot of ECT done on me. So if I was just to take the last 10 years. I had a crush on someone I play a game with. He is sweet and an amazing human being. We are just friends which is nice. So even though I have a crush on them it doesn’t go beyond that.
Why bother?
Trying to get through the week. It’s only Tuesday and I am so over it. Heading to bed wondering why I even care. Care for people that are selfish and only care for themselves. I put myself out there because I am told over and over again not everyone is the same. In my most recent years I have learned that’s exactly what people are all the same. There is not point in trying to build relationships with people. Regardless if it’s friendship or anything else today people are cold and uncaring. Save yourself because no one cares. I speak a lot about being the change you want to see in the world. I want to still hold on to that but I am afraid my faith is falling. I have been hurt too many times to think anyone is different. So I end my night with this post I hope your week is better than mine. ~Emma~
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
The most important things needed in my life to live a good life is…
One- my relationship with God. I have nothing without Him in my life. Through the darkest times in my life he was the only One that has always been there never leaving my side. For me I can’t have a good life if God is not in it.
Two- my health. When I speak of my health I don’t just mean healthy life style, eating food and working out. I am also talking about my mental health. It is just as important to eat well as it is to have good coping skills, seeking therapy, having a back up plan. To some this might seem silly but for a person who has mental health issues it’s extremely important to stay on top of your own condition. It is a way you can learn to grow and become a more independent person and not be in the dark space of mental illness. I am a firm believer in having these skills and ways to help one always know when they might be sliding down a path they can’t come back from.
For me having both of these no matter how dark life may get, no matter how many people you lose life is always good.
Am I the problem
Last night I got into a fight with someone. He is a friend or I would like to think we are friends. Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend or just someone that annoys him. I was upset because I don’t have many friends so after the death of my beloved Spencer last Friday I was feeling really down and depressed. I spent an hour crying and after crying I got super mad. Maybe I pointed the anger the wrong way which I can admit but it also made me wonder why this person didn’t even reach out to see if I am okay. We spoke several times through the day but not once did he ask. Maybe I am wrong to have expected anything from anyone only setting myself for disappointment. But I truly believed it was different with us that our friendship was genuine and true. But maybe the only fool was me for actually believing that we were friends. Or maybe I thought of the relationship as more than it was. I really don’t want to believe that but then again I have been told I am delusional, chaotic and a drama queen. So adding to that growing list, clueless and stupid wouldn’t be that far out there. I wanted to end this on a positive note so I will finish with this. After telling this person I was mad at them, would not talk to them because I was pissed that they didn’t even reach out. I was told that it was my choice to not speak to them and when I do decide to speak to them they won’t be around. Which brings me back to my main concern which is am I the problem and was it my fault that caused the situation. Am I the one who is being unreasonable with just expecting someone to just reach out to see if I am okay. Or am I just dumb to even think of us as friends? I leave the question to you hopefully you can answer me. It’s clear his answer will be nothing but crickets so I do hope someone can give me some good advice. Maybe I am delusional but I don’t know what to do. I keep giving my heart in these friendships and I am constantly abandoned by the same people that say they will be there. Maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there. Am I the problem? ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 