I had this friend, who I thought was a friend that completely turned his back on me. Turns out he wasn’t a friend, he was a user. The moment I no longer became useful he tossed me like garbage. Now this person used to say how loyal he was and all this fake 💩. The truth is I should have known he was fake. I should have known he was a liar. I should have known everything he spoke about was lies. Regardless of him cutting me out I had hoped we would reconcile but I no longer want to reconcile. I have mourned the relationship between us. Today I put the final nail in the coffin. I have moved on and thought I would like to be the better person and wish him luck. I have to be honest I literally don’t give a 💩 what happens to him. It’s not about bitterness or anything I just don’t care. A person can wish well and hope for the best but once you cross the line to where they no longer care. It’s gone nothing you do matters nothing you say matters you are dead to them. And he is dead to me. Mourn the loss of the people that have done you wrong and after that let it go. No use holding on to grudges or even any feelings for them. After you have mourned their death you can move forward never looking back. It’s the best way to heal yourself.
Tag: friends
Mother’s Day
It’s Mother’s Day again and here I am about to tell you all how amazing my mother is. But before I do that I must remind everyone that having a mom is privilege and I know how lucky I am to have her in my life.
My mother has sacrificed so much for all her kids but when you ask her she wouldn’t change any of it. I can never understand that kind of love because I don’t have kids and probably never will.
It’s a love that is profound and not every single woman that has a child is like my mom. She can be my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic. She can be my anchor and also that one kills my dreams in a second.
She is beautiful and only gets more beautiful as she gets older. With each year passing by my mother shows me how to love more.
During my sickness my mother was there for me far beyond anyone on this planet. She saw me at my worst and loved me harder each time. The sicker I got the more she tried to pull me back.
Though my childhood was stolen from me and my memories taken. The pain I saw on my mother talking about what I went through broke my heart. Because even though I went through it I don’t remember it, but she does. I love my mother more than words can ever express. She isn’t just my mom, she is my best friend.
I don’t know if you have a mom like that or not but if you do remember these words. Love her, cherish her, let her know how much you love her. Because life is short and mom won’t always be around, so let her know today and every day how amazing she truly is. Mami thank you for showing me love. For showing me strength, for loving me regardless of flaws, for never leaving my side. You are my hero and one of kind. I dedicate this day and everyday to the most precious amazing woman I will ever know. I love Mami~always your daughter~
Life is nothing but a dream
Today I went through one of my journals. It’s funny the things we don’t remember and the things we choose to remember. In this specific book was a letter to my niece. Now the interesting part is I refer to another journal to her in this letter. I wrote it in 2012 and speak of the other journal that I assume I wrote during my time being sick.
I speak of asking her to read the journals of my life to truly understand what I have been through. I even speak about a memory I don’t have in my mind. But the memory was written in the journal at the time. I tell her of the specific memory about a night that it was raining and thundering hard and she said let us pray. “Let us ask God to stop the rain and thunder.” Apparently that’s exactly what we did, and sure enough it had stopped raining and thundering. She tells me “let’s pray again and thank God for stopping the rain and thunder.”
I speak about the memory and reference to it as how close we were and go on about my sickness.
The actual reason I speak about it now, while reading that I thought to myself how much was my choice to not remember. It’s clear I was in the right mind in that particular letter. Yet the memory isn’t there of me ever writing this letter. How weird is it as humans we experience so much but don’t remember so many of the things we experience. We tell the same stories but without remembering all the details of the stories.
In this letter I beg her to read from one of the many journals I have of my life. I tell her to read the brown journal because in that journal I speak about her so much. It’s weird when all your memories are gone and you go back to read things you don’t remember writing.
I am extremely grateful that even though I lost so many of my memories, my journals are my archive. Maybe one day I will write a book completely based on those journals. It seems there are so many things that I experienced and don’t know about. I guess that was always the purpose behind journaling. You write what you feel in the moment. Years later that moment is gone but the memories, the pain, the thoughts you had are there written for you to see again.
I believe I was 12 years old when my mom gave me my first journal. I never thought my life would take so many turns. I am just grateful that it’s written in books I can go back to. Even if the memories aren’t there, I can still read them as if they were. Like going back in time I feel the memory like it’s just a dream.
Live Show in Atlantic City
What was the last live performance you saw?
Well it depends on what you consider live performance. Last time I was in Atlantic City I saw a live band. They are not famous. They weren’t this huge group, but it was really good. It was very entertaining. The music was wonderful. They were playing like older music by other artists but it was so good. It was live and everybody was having fun and it was so good to watch and enjoy the music. So I would definitely say that was the last live performance that I saw.
To Vote or Not to Vote?!?
Do you vote in political elections?
Yes I do vote I think it’s extremely important to vote. Sometimes I believe it won’t make a difference but in truth if I don’t vote I have no reason to complain. Not voting is like not speaking. Regardless of what one might say they still have the right to say it. It might be something no one wants to hear, or might be something worth hearing but if one chooses not to speak they have silenced themselves.
As a Puerto Rican Christian American born in this great beautiful country it’s an honor to live here. To vote for what I believe in. To voice my thoughts, to let my voice be heard. It’s a beautiful thing to have freedoms that many places don’t have in the world.
I am extremely blessed to live here. It’s not perfect but no place on earth is perfect. I vote for my values. Every time I vote I pray before entering the booth. God truly is the Power and he can raise kings or bring them down. So I make sure the person I vote for is one that values America. A person that loves this country. One that believes in the American people. One that wants the American people to thrive. One that believes that We the People have the power and not some lobbyist or agency. It’s what the founders wanted for America. Freedom from tyranny.
As I have gotten older I see more of the value of voting in each election. It’s important for all Americans to vote. If we don’t protect our rights the government won’t. We the People must always protect and remember this is our country and whoever we vote works for us not themselves. If they work for anyone else they needed to be voted out.
Be proud my fellow Americans for God will get us through these dark days. We must trust His Plan. ~Emma~
Feeling down?
When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.
I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~
Wasted time
It’s easy to forget why we even spoke. I found you to be incredibly interesting and a mystery to me. As time went on I started to see how truly amazing your thinking can be. It’s extremely important for you to understand that your way of thinking was something I never encountered before.
You were extremely helpful to me in learning about others and the way they think. I appreciate you taking the time to show me how to grow as an individual and to become more confident in myself. Though our paths maybe be different, it was enjoyable to have you during that time.
Our paths may never cross again but I did want to take time to thank you for being there. I learned a lot about myself and my own journey that I must take to grow. I also learned that communication and compromise must always be there, in order for anything to work. Regardless of the relationship, lovers, friends or family, communication and patience are a must. In order for any relationship to succeed one must be willing to compromise, understand and trust one another. Without those main elements the relationship will not be successful at all.
So even though we don’t talk anymore and time has gone by. May the next chapter of life, wherever it may take us, be a good chapter. So regardless of the outcome it was well worth the wasted time we spent together. ~Emma~
What it’s the truth?!?
Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~
Dogs giving me advice?!?
I was told the other day I need to find myself a partner. So there is a whole back story but what is interesting is how people just assume so much about me. I don’t compare my life to anyone. I have complete trust in God no matter the path I must walk. Even if it means walking this life alone with just Him. I am doing what I thought was the right thing. Which by the way is the right thing to do. But somehow this individual took it upon himself to tell me this and how I need to find someone. Why would it interest someone, my love life? Don’t really know but it seems it was advice no one was asking for. I sure as hell didn’t ask for his opinion or advice, yet somehow he took it upon himself to give me life advice. Kettle meet pot.
At first I was completely offended. How dare this MF call me a loser? I mean isn’t that what you would assume he meant by his words, that was my first response. My second response was far more of and angry AF swearing like this man isn’t even married and he has the audacity to talk about me? Wtf!!!
After much thought and reflection I realized who the fk cares what some a hole thinks. My life doesn’t revolve around some a hole that thinks he can pass judgement on a day in my life that he has never lived.
I am not going to sit here and say “living my best life.” That would be a lie. I struggle, I work, I do a lot of things to keep myself busy. I run a business. I am working on a book. I don’t do one thing, I am doing many things. I spend time on social media because in order to do anything on social media you have to build yourself up. Which means spending time on social media interacting with others on social media that’s how you gain a following. People think that’s not work but it is a lot of work. A lot of time you don’t get paid for.
Either which way I did realize that this person doesn’t know crap about me. Made assumptions based on my time playing the game and came to the conclusion I need a man. Well darling I do need a man. A real man one that can treat me good and is a God fearing Christian man.
My path is the one I am building that God is helping me build. No one knows where it will lead but God does and that is enough for me.
So thank you Mr kettle for pointing out how I need a partner. Hope you got to laugh with friends while calling me a loser. Darling, I have been called worse and to be honest after this blog I will never think about it again. Life is too short to be dwelling on things that can’t be changed. I am focusing on my goals and heading in that direction. So thanks for the advice no one asked for.
Yes that is my rant. Nite y’all. ~Emma~
Accepting facts!!!!
Emma the Mizfit 