Jesus take the wheel
Tag: fight
May this reach you
Letting you in
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.
But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.
As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.
I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.
Can’t sleep
I am writing this at three in the morning. Today was a really good day. I can’t complain, but I can’t sleep. I worked out, went to PT, did acupuncture, it really was a good day. I mean every day that you’re alive is a good day isn’t it?
Unfortunately sleeping is my biggest problem right now. My dreams have been filled with nightmares of darkness. I get the same ones over and over.
Most of my dreams are centered around seeing things I shouldn’t see. I am usually walking in the city. There are flames and fires everywhere, there are dead bodies all over the place. Everything is destroyed in that and there I am just walking in the midst of all that chaos and destruction. It’s a dream that I’ve had over and over again. I don’t know why I have it yet I dream it over and over again.
Sometimes I wonder if they will ever stop. Right after I start thinking that I get like five dreams in a row crazy dreams. It’s funny because so many people I ask “do you dream” and their answer is always “no”. When I go to bed the moment I fall asleep I am dreaming all night from dream to dream to dream. Hopefully tonight I get to sleep, even if it’s dream and dream and dream.
I hope tonight you have wonderful dreams always ~Emma~
Happy New Year
I am praying everyone has a beautiful blessed new year. May God bless you all with love, joyous moments with the people you love, and a healthy year ahead. Stay well my darlings. ~Emma~
Always prepare for the worse.
Create an emergency preparedness plan.
I have always been a prepper extra waters and non perishable food. Candles, batteries, matches, first aid kit on and on.
I have been doing it for a while now. It’s funny during Sandy when we lost power for over 2 weeks it was because of my prepping that led us to not need anything from the outside.
I do think every person should have sort of plan for any emergency. Power outage you should have a plan. Civil war breaks out you should have a plan of escape.
I am not saying that is what I want but one must be prepared for the worse. It’s like buying insurance for a car or house. You may never use the full amount or at all. But you will be happy you have it if you’re house burns down or if you car is completely destroyed.
Making plans for an emergency is always smart. I suggest everyone have a plan. Where to go, a bag prepared to leave with, emergency supplies it’s just responsible especially when you have family that depend on you.
Deal with it
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Oh yeah I have had so many. Let’s see I have had a face lift, lip fillers, boob lift, butt lift liposuction but who hasn’t right? Nah I haven’t had any of that stuff done.
We have all had surgeries, life before surgery and life after surgery. Too many to name but probably the most painful one was my back surgery.
Probably it was because even after the surgery I still have a lot of pain. I have just learned to make myself stronger and deal with it. I don’t depend on drugs to take the pain away. Sometimes one just has to learn to tolerate the pain. Once it has become part of you the pain doesn’t overwhelm you.
I am not giving advice on to deal with your pain, I am merely saying how I deal with pain. Like the saying goes what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.
It’s a big scary world out there filled with a lot of pain, hate, anger and just plain evil. You have to learn to be strong and better than that. You can do it my strength comes from God. I hope today you find your strength and don’t allow the world or aches and pains hold you down. Life is too short and beautiful to not embrace the beauty in life. Have a good one. ~Emma~
The Right to Speak
What public figure do you disagree with the most?
Anyone trying to take away our freedom of speech. Anyone that continues to use the words “hate speech”. Anyone that is pushing laws trying to control what anyone thinks or says. Anyone that is pushing approved words that can and cannot be used. This is something I refuse to move on because without the freedom to be able to speak or free expression we are no longer free. This goes against everything the United States stands for. Call me radical all you want here are some quotes to help remind you why America is so great.
“Without freedom of thought there can be no such thing as wisdom; and no such thing as public liberty, without freedom of speech.”
“Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.”
“Freedom of speech is a principal pillar of a free government; when this support is taken away, the constitution of a free society is dissolved, and tyranny is erected on its ruins. Republics…derive their strength and vigor from a popular examination into the action of the magistrates.”
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
“Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God” (proposed by Franklin for the motto of the Great Seal of the United States).
All these quotes are from Benjamin Franklin
We must keep fighting to keep our right of Freedom of Speech.
Feeling down?
When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.
I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~
Life lesson
Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.
I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.
Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.
Emma the Mizfit 