It’s the night for me before Christmas Eve. It should be one filled with joy and happiness. Unfortunately with me being sick most of the month I haven’t felt joyful to say the least. I have been reading this Bible plan which talks about Christmas and the true meaning and how much we have forgotten about what it truly means. I guess that’s why I am truly sad about. Christmas no longer is about Christ’s birth. No it’s about gifts and it’s about dinners and what to wear how to dress what to decorate. Today I worked my ass off decorating our family room making sure it is perfect for anyone coming over. As I did that my sister took off with my niece and brother. I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much but the fact that here I am trying to make it perfect for no one. Because the truth is no one cares. I cared and put all my effort into something no one will give a shit about. It broke my heart and made me super angry. Why do I continue the cycle of insanity of trying to make others happy even as I feel like complete crap? Why am I still freaking doing everything I can to make them happy when in the end you truly have no one that actually cares or is even willing to give you the time you want. This used to be my favorite season and I wish I could say it has been one thing that took that from me but it wasn’t. No it’s been a long month of crap that just stripped it all from me and it was today that I decided I don’t want any part of it. My sister and mother say it’s just me throwing my usual tantrum but they don’t get it. How hard it has been on me personally but the truth is they don’t care. No one cares how you feel or how your mind turns. They only care of themselves and what they are going through to actually care about others. They don’t care about you they say they do but the truth is when you feel the loneliest no one is there. So my my friends tonight might be my last post for a few days. But regardless of how my Christmas will be I do hope for you all to have a wonderful one. I wish I could give you a positive attitude but at this moment I am too down to actually be positive about anything. God is my strength and with him I will carry on. No matter how anyone makes me feel I will hold hope by holding his hand. And I hope for the rest of you that feel the way I do at this moment you do the same. Hope by holding the hand of God, you have nothing to lose by holding on to him for strength. That’s the only thing I can give you. Merry Christmas everyone. ~Emma~
Tag: feels
Take some time…
I spend my Friday nights at home. Shocking I know, I also know what one might think “that’s insane, you’re young go out and have fun”! Yes that might sound appealing to many out there but it’s not appealing to me. From Friday sundown to Saturday sundown I rest. Yes just like the Jewish nation of the Old Testament. I am not Jewish I am Christian but I keep the Sabbath. For me it is a way to unplug from the chaos, the outside world and spend time with The Creator. I don’t watch tv, go on the computer, I don’t go reading any articles online, I don’t even touch my phone, wait that’s a lie I listen to music through the phone so yeah I touch my 📱 phone but that’s it. I read the Bible, different books, listen to gospel music 🎶 soft classical music 🎶 and I just unplug! I am not perfect, I am sinner and I don’t even try and pretend to be “good”. I am a girl just trying to survive in a world, a society that tells her to conform or else. So my words today are take time to unplug. Spend 24hrs no tv, no phone, no computer, no restaurant, no going out to hang with friends at a bar, just unplug. Take time out that is why God made the Sabbath not only to show He was The Creator (one of the main reasons) but also for man. He knew what man was capable of. Work, work, work, play, play, play but what about rest? Take that time out each week to unplug and you will see soon, how happier you are for it.
Hallmark Movies…
I happen to have this huge obsession with Hallmark movies. I know it is crazy but I can’t help it. I love the Christmas season movies which are just too cute. The movies after Christmas heading to Valentine’s Day. Love in April and their Summer weddings. Each season new movie new story. The movies are all about a girl and boy, love at first sight, second chance romances, friends who fall in love and in the end they are happy. It is like reading a romance novel, no not the ones with all the graphic sex scenes, I do love those too. 😊 But the movies in Hallmark are like romance novels where the reader is swept away in the whole “falling in love” of two characters and waiting for them to end in a HEA. Some of the books I read are sexy romance novels, some have graphic steamy sex scenes but no real story, some stories are about the complexity of relationships, others are just about a story of a boy and girl falling in love. Like any other reader, I love all kinds of books. Though I really don’t like science fiction at all. My favorites are books that are just about relationships, it could be a book about family, falling in love, or just the dynamic of different relationships within each and every situation. Other books like the Fifty Shades series, I must admit I did enjoy. I love Pepper Winters’ writings, her indebted series is my favorite, it is dark but I love how the characters fought against this archaic way of thinking. She is an absolutely awesome writer. I love books that have complex characters that are just so unpredictable you are sucked into each page, waiting for each moment to unfold. Even though in the end the characters will have a HEA, which is the whole point of the Romance Novels. Which brings me back to my obsession with the movies on Hallmark. To others they may be corny, they may seem stupid, some may even find them dumb but I would have to disagree. I find the movies clean, fun to watch, the guys are always so handsome and the stories are cute. So whether it might be corny or not, I love my corny Hallmark Movies… and I will own that shit because in the end they make me feel happy. Just like after reading a book with a characters journey to find their love and peace it puts a smile across my face. 😊 With a world full of chaos and darkness it is nice to watch a movie that will make you smile and make you feel good. I dare you to try watching some of them, you might just like it:)
Just some friendly advice:)
~~Emma~~
Emma the Mizfit 