Tag: dreams

Expectations

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Why is loyalty an expensive expectation? It’s not like it’s not earned. It is something you have to work for and when it’s given to you, it should be cherished. Yet so many are not loyal. Not loyal friends not loyal to their family not loyal to their country Not loyal to their partners.

If I myself asking this question over and over again, why can’t people be loyal? Is it because of the disloyalty of Adam and Eve? Are we meant to carry the same sin of disloyalty towards others?

It might be that simple maybe not I could be wrong. I hope Someone proves me wrong. If not, I will die knowing that loyalty is something many just don’t get.

Birthday

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My birthday was the other day and it got me thinking. I am incredibly grateful for each and every single day I wake up. I know everyone doesn’t get to do the things that they have or that I have. I know some people don’t have the people that they have in their lives and I am extremely lucky to still have my parents and my family involved in my life.

I think after a certain age, you stop actually counting as you go up, but you are incredibly more blessed and thankful. You concentrate more on the things that you do have and not the things that you don’t have.

You think of all the ways that you have survived, the battles that you fought and still walked away. With scars and sweat and blood dripping down, it made no difference because you still walked away stronger.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and filled with gratitude. Just because you don’t think God exists or is working in your life doesn’t mean that he isn’t. God is always working in your life. God is always blessing you sometimes it’s just not the way that you expect things to be. So as I go to another year, hopefully with God‘s blessing. I hope I’m able to do all the things that I wanna do and all the things he wants me to do. I want to show him as my greatest joy in my life because God has always and will always be my greatest love

I can’t do anything if God doesn’t give me the strength the will and the power to do it. I owe all of the blessings I have to my Lord and Savior. So as I reflect on the year that has passed and the year that’s coming I hope and pray that this be the year that God grant me the one thing I’m asking for. But either which way my life is in his hand and it’s all in his timing. ~~always, Emma~~

Letting you in

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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.

But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.

I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.

Can’t sleep

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I am writing this at three in the morning. Today was a really good day. I can’t complain, but I can’t sleep. I worked out, went to PT, did acupuncture, it really was a good day. I mean every day that you’re alive is a good day isn’t it?

Unfortunately sleeping is my biggest problem right now. My dreams have been filled with nightmares of darkness. I get the same ones over and over.

Most of my dreams are centered around seeing things I shouldn’t see. I am usually walking in the city. There are flames and fires everywhere, there are dead bodies all over the place. Everything is destroyed in that and there I am just walking in the midst of all that chaos and destruction. It’s a dream that I’ve had over and over again. I don’t know why I have it yet I dream it over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder if they will ever stop. Right after I start thinking that I get like five dreams in a row crazy dreams. It’s funny because so many people I ask “do you dream” and their answer is always “no”. When I go to bed the moment I fall asleep I am dreaming all night from dream to dream to dream. Hopefully tonight I get to sleep, even if it’s dream and dream and dream.

I hope tonight you have wonderful dreams always ~Emma~

Christmas Time

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During the Christmas season it’s always nice to spend time with the family. It’s also important to remember that we don’t live forever not on this earth. Our time is limited and we never know when our time will come to an end. So this Christmas while spending time with family put down your phone and live in the moment.

Whether it’s watching your favorite movies, eating your favorite foods, dancing your favorite songs, playing your favorite games or even just sitting around chatting with your loved ones. Never forget your time won’t last and neither will the time your loved ones have, so live in the moment with them.

Jesus Christ came to die so that we all may have a chance to be saved by His Grace. So while thinking Christmas might be all about the gifts you get, two gifts you can’t buy. Number 1- time, 2- God’s Grace. They are both a gift that cost nothing but cost everything. They are free yet come at a high cost. Might sound contradictory but it is the truth.

So while spending the time with the people you love remember Jesus came for all of us. He died to save us all. Life will move forward and time forgives no one. So cherish each moment and know that tomorrow may never come. So embrace the love and grace Jesus Christ has given you.

I do hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, filled with love and joy. Remember Jesus Christ is the reason for this season. ~Emma~

Busy bee

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Life has been extremely busy for me. Taking time out to catch up on just personal things has been exhausting. I can’t complain though I am alive and that is always a good thing. I am incredibly blessed and grateful to God for all the blessings He gives me. I hope as the Christmas season is in full bloom I hope you are blessed. May you remember a child was born to save us all. May your heart never forget that it is through that child we are reborn. May this season be a blessing to you all. Filled with love, laughter and pure joy, that you will remember each moment with a smile. Even through the darkest of times there is always something to be grateful for, never forget that. Have a blessed week. ~Emma~

Dream last night..

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Dream 4:15 am

I don’t want to write this but I will. For I believe this is the future and death of my mother. The day is sad and I hear people crying. Looking around I don’t know what is happening. Somber faces with looks of pity on every face. I am filled with this immense amount of despair within my heart. My best friend is gone. My confident, my anchor, my love is gone. Words I speak in front of faceless eyes. Condolences they offer as the smell of flowers fill my mind. The joy and laughter I was once knew has disappeared from the world I knew. More days to hug her and say I love you. More time go tell her my stories. More time to just breathe the air with her. We knew the day would come but the feeling of despair and heartbreak I wasn’t prepared for. My heart feels a part has died. I see all around but I can’t breathe I don’t know why. It feels like a dream will I wake up. The sun is shining it’s a beautiful day outside not a cloud in the sky. I can’t see myself but I know I am there. I see my siblings with me right there. My chest feels heavy when I try to breathe but I know God let me see. The dream is of the day I lose my mom. My rock and the foundation of whom I am. She loved me at my worst and held me at my best. Today I wake from this dream knowing she is still in my world. Don’t know how much time I have but God showed me this point. The reason I don’t know. I write this filled with joy and sadness in my heart. I know I will see her when I get up. But one day when this dream has come to pass I will know God gave me this moment to make it last. Even as I write these words trying not to stress I know my love for her will never end. Death may come one day to take her from us. But today I thank God for another day with my mom. 

This was a dream I had on December 10 at 4 am. I wrote as much as I could remember and try to keep the details right in my head. Laying in the dark I try not to feel dread I hope this doesn’t happen for many years to come. But I know God gave me this dream to show whatever happens next. I also believe he showed me to tell me I will be able to get through this dark time. The sky is a color blue I have never seen before. Birds chirping in the air. The spring breeze flows through the air. I look to the sky with deep sorrow in my eyes I love you mom are the only words to escape my silent mind. Tears filled in my sister’s eyes she hugs me as we cry. I wake up with pain and shocked did I just see her death. I don’t know but it was a dream I felt. A little shaken I hear my sister take out the dogs. I look in the camera she is feeding Luna with QVC on. I get up to go pee I should be asleep. But here I write this of the dream I just had.

The Twins

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The twins came by, being around them always makes me happy. I will never understand how women can say they will be happy without having kids. I mean I know I have no choice in the matter and many women face that reality every day. But for those that actively seek to not have kids I will never understand.

I remember when the twins were born what it was like holding them. Having them napping on top of me was the best feeling in the world. Even watching them grow up is a joy. When they took their first steps to talking, they are some of the best memories I have.

For me it’s even better because I don’t remember my past. So when the twins were born it was like the first time I got to hold my niece or nephew. Now that isn’t true because I have an older niece but the truth is I don’t remember the memories with her.

Though I don’t remember them I know she was extremely important to me. I have heard stories of how close we were but the illness took that all from me.

Being with the twins even for an hour or two reminds me each day is precious. We may never get another chance to enjoy being around the ones we love. Life is extremely short and goes by so fast. The best moments are just being able to enjoy sharing silly moments with each other.

Even if that’s trying on different wigs or playing GTA, for me those are the best moments. ~Emma~

Goodness of God: sang by CeCe Winans

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I love You, Lord
Oh, Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah

And all my life You have been faithful, oh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me, oh-oh
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing
Oh, 'cause
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God