Tag: darkness

Fear Death

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Death is all I see

Death is all I smell

Death is all I taste

The vipers hanging from the well

Haunting and hissing making the rounds

Chasing me down

In my dreams

In my past

In my life

Death is all I feel when I look around

As daggers pierce my eyes

There is no love here

Never to be found

Death doesn’t pardon any one of us

Even the good ones

Faced stained with blood

Lips sown shut

Fears of darkness consuming all of us

Death to dust fighting time for every night

Close my eyes and see your face

Hallowed and empty you no longer play

Death found you months ago

Leaving a hole where in my soul

Death took you from me and I have no where to go

Written by: Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

Another day

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I am grateful for the strength I have been given through my time of struggles. The world is a crazy chaotic mess and some people are just plain evil. Each time I am reminded of how mean people can be, I am also reminded how amazing life is. Life is short and it is precious. Many will cause you pain. Work can stress you out, daily activities can drive you nuts. But what I have found is, showing gratitude even for the smallest thing makes it worth fighting for. I have gone through a lot of tribulations in my life. I wake up each morning and thank God for another day. I know I have said this before but it is through His strength I am here. The point is finding things to be grateful for, even when you see nothing but darkness. Being kind, finding someone that was kind to you, maybe by holding the door open while you walked out the store. Waking up to breathe air and getting out of bed, these are things that might be small but always be grateful for. Old friends that make you smile. Laughing with your sister about a silly dog pooping in someone’s mouth. (By the way that’s an actual article she read to me today.) It is in those moments we must be grateful for. Let go of the weight of negativity, people that are mean, people that don’t appreciate you for being you. Find coping skills to help you find a better way to deal with the darkness. Being grateful, seeing the glass half full, try to find the silver lining, I know it’s hard. But you are worthy, find music to make you feel happy or sad. Sometimes a good cry helps. But always keep trying to fight the darkness that wants to bring you down. Going through any mental illness isn’t easy but keep fighting. And always remember you aren’t alone. God is there even if you don’t believe in Him, He believes in you. And I believe in you and I believe you can make it because I am a walking example of how you can get out of the dark and back into the light. It won’t be easy it will be hard. You will have to fight each and every single day but never give up. I am grateful today for my family, being able to get on this blog and write to you. One person might read this and I am okay with that. Because if that one person changes their outlook by reading my words than my job is done. I have been really busy but later today I will do one of my podcasts. It will just be me talking but I do believe it is important to continue reinforcing that mental health is a huge problem and it doesn’t get enough attention. I am grateful I woke up this morning and I am drinking my coffee. Hoping to share some positive thoughts to help or at least make you laugh. Before going through your day find something to be grateful. Grateful for shelter, grateful for a bed, grateful for another day, grateful for food. Check out the YouTube video I made, it’s a 3 min video with music and pictures. You can use it for praying, mediation or just sitting still and calming your thoughts that are trying to make you feel worthless. Start somewhere only you can decide to fight. Write down your thoughts, find the strength to keep moving forward. I can’t make you fight depression or any mental illness. Only you can scream to the heavens and beg for strength. But for now dwell in the knowledge I will be praying for all of you. Let us all wake up with grateful hearts. Have a beautiful day ~Emma~

https://youtu.be/blQGHN_hZUA

Check out the link 👆🏻

New Poetry…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

The Widow

Lying in bed with a broken heart trying to understand why I am the way I am

Looking to the right and staring at a blank wall with nothing to say

Looking to the left and staring at the pictures that once hung there

Happy faces and smiles from time shared gone bye

How do I escape the pain from not having you here?

How do I fill this empty bed where you use to lay?

I feel my throat closing as I try to breathe in the last scent of you

The sheets still hold the faint smell of us

How do I escape the touch I need so much?

How do I free my mind from the prison I sit in now?

Tears stain my red cheeks

Sadness grabs a hold of me

My breathing becomes labored

How can I get you back?

I stare at the ceiling the sun shines through the blinds

But all I feel is the pain of not having you by my side

Tell me how can I live in a world you no longer live in

How can I go on without you?

I will do anything to get you back

But I know the one place I cannot get you from is the one place you belong

I turn to the dark side of the bed and hold the pillows tight

Knowing in heaven you will be alright

Written by:

Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

how I am doing…

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

It has been a very difficult year for me especially the last five months. I did not notice I had gone into a depression until I was in the middle of it. I am working hard with my books and creating content, so I really thought I was fine. It wasn’t till about around my birthday that I realized, I was not just depressed, I was extremely depressed. I have joined group therapy again which is helping me a lot. I am trying some new coping skills to try and change my behavior. The fact that I didn’t even notice I was going through a depression is extremely alarming to me. I can’t afford to allow it to take me over. I spent over 10 years fighting a very dark depression. So, for me being proactive is the only way I can keep myself from falling that deep again. Therapy has always been my go to, coloring, writing, working out all kept me focus. I really thought with the busy schedule, I was doing much better. Now I realized I wasn’t. Why share this? Simple you are not alone. I was so busy trying to focus on the future, what I was doing and how to get there. I wasn’t taking the time to focus on myself. You need to focus on yourself not just work, not just the future and what you want to do. Being proactive when you know you suffer from any mental illness will keep you from losing complete control. It’s important to establish ways to cope and find help when you need it. I made my appointments, told my family and I am going to each session. It is not something I can afford to lose control of, so today I decided to share that with you. Don’t be afraid to fall and seek help when needed. It is not weak to ask for help or find help for yourself. Remember fighting mental illness is a fight that never stops. You wake up, it is part of you and you have to learn to fight it every day. No day will be easy, no day will be lite, each day is worth fighting for. Some people don’t have that battle but it is my battle and if it is your battle don’t give up. You are not alone no matter how many times you feel alone. Keep fighting because each day is worth living. ~~Emma~~