Tag: darkness

Expectations

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Why is loyalty an expensive expectation? It’s not like it’s not earned. It is something you have to work for and when it’s given to you, it should be cherished. Yet so many are not loyal. Not loyal friends not loyal to their family not loyal to their country Not loyal to their partners.

If I myself asking this question over and over again, why can’t people be loyal? Is it because of the disloyalty of Adam and Eve? Are we meant to carry the same sin of disloyalty towards others?

It might be that simple maybe not I could be wrong. I hope Someone proves me wrong. If not, I will die knowing that loyalty is something many just don’t get.

 Christ is King 

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Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. He has given me, joy. He has led me through the pain. Through my darkest night and times in my life, he led me to the light. As we reflect on this Good Friday, the sacrifice that Jesus Christ did. He bore our sins so that we may have a chance at eternal life. I ask you is something missing in your life? If it is, I ask you to turn to Jesus. Jesus is the way he is the king. He is salvation. I ask you to turn to Jesus and accept the gift that he has given to you. Have a wonderful, beautiful blessed night. He is risen.

Hope

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It should never shock me how cruel people can be but somehow it always shocks me. In the times we live in, it’s extremely easy to become complacent with our environment. One can become completely desensitized at every thing around them. No matter how evil or horrific the stories we hear, we still live our lives unchanged. Getting up each morning, and moving through life like it’s just another day.

Each morning I create a vlog. I post it on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. To everyone else it seems dumb and stupid to post the same greeting each time. It goes “Good morning you wonderful amazing beautiful people I hope you woke up thanking God for the wonderful day He has bestowed on upon you.”

Each day it’s the same I change it up but it’s mostly the same greeting each day. I just want to spread words of comfort to anyone who may come across my story. I don’t care if they subscribe, like, or even care about me. I want them to remember to thank God for the beautiful day of life God has given them.

No matter how cruel and evil the world we might live in. I want everyone to start the day with a grateful heart. No matter how small it might be, it will always make a difference in someone else’s day. I might not be the biggest person on TikTok, YouTube or any other platform but for me making those videos not only helps me, they help to speak to others.

Just a simple post to remind others you are not alone. You might feel alone. You might feel lost. You might feel like complete 💩. You might feel helpless. You might feel hopeless. I once felt that way and with each post I hope anyone that comes across them feels my hope. I know I can’t change the world but hopefully they can feel my hope through the screen.

So as I write this I pray that whoever may come across this may find God. God is my hope without Him I would be nothing. He gave me hope when I felt nothing. He gave me hope when I had given up. He gave hope when I declared that my life was worth nothing. He gave me hope and I pray He bestows every single person that comes across my videos or this post, with HOPE.

Times may not always be good but with God there is always hope. So even if every one is cruel and evil, hope for better day. ~Emma~

Can’t sleep

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I am writing this at three in the morning. Today was a really good day. I can’t complain, but I can’t sleep. I worked out, went to PT, did acupuncture, it really was a good day. I mean every day that you’re alive is a good day isn’t it?

Unfortunately sleeping is my biggest problem right now. My dreams have been filled with nightmares of darkness. I get the same ones over and over.

Most of my dreams are centered around seeing things I shouldn’t see. I am usually walking in the city. There are flames and fires everywhere, there are dead bodies all over the place. Everything is destroyed in that and there I am just walking in the midst of all that chaos and destruction. It’s a dream that I’ve had over and over again. I don’t know why I have it yet I dream it over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder if they will ever stop. Right after I start thinking that I get like five dreams in a row crazy dreams. It’s funny because so many people I ask “do you dream” and their answer is always “no”. When I go to bed the moment I fall asleep I am dreaming all night from dream to dream to dream. Hopefully tonight I get to sleep, even if it’s dream and dream and dream.

I hope tonight you have wonderful dreams always ~Emma~

Liberation day 

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Today was the Inauguration of President Trump. After four years under the Biden administration it finally feels good to be free from him. This isn’t about being a Republican or Democrat it was about being American. I was so tired of trying to explain why I am proud being American.

People from every nation are proud of their homeland, this is my homeland. I am not embarrassed where I come from nor should I be. People are taught to hate themselves for what? I can never understand why you would listen to anyone tell you to hate yourself.

As a person that suffered a devastating severe depression that left me in a mind prison for 10 years. When I was finally freed, thanks to God, it took me forever to feel like myself. As I grow each day not looking back at the past, I learn to be more comfortable in myself.

So again why would I listen to anyone that tells me I need to hate myself. Not only hate myself but also I need to fit in the boxes they decided to make. No thank you, I like being myself. I don’t need to fit into the box you have created for me to live in.

As a Christian I love everyone but I don’t need to be around everyone, nor do I have to accept everyone. Just like everyone doesn’t have to love me or accept me. It’s God I follow, it’s God that I have to answer to, it’s God who saved me from the darkness and it was God that saved Trump.

Was it to save the United States from the insanity it was going through, I do believe that. Regardless of how, Trump was saved to be used by God, that was His plan.

In the end I am just absolutely happy the madness of 100 genders, offending people by just being myself is done. So for me today isn’t just another Inauguration Day, for me it’s a day to celebrate my country. I may have ancestors from Spain but my country is America, my blood is American and my heart is for America.

So to all my fellow patriots I hope you have a beautiful night celebrating winning our country back. Make America Great Again!

Reminder: Mental Health Awareness

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As I have said before May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a list of things that have helped me. I hope they help you. You are not alone.

Also trying to be a better version of yourself doesn’t mean you are weak.

Learning to forgive others for what they have done for you, only makes you feel stronger.

Self care is something we all must do. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will either.

Therapy is a tool to be used not ignored.

I want to encourage everyone that kindness goes a long away.

Coping skills are there to remind you, how to deal with issues.

Praying is one of the greatest ways to heal and find true peace.

Working out helps to make you feel good and give you the confidence you need.

Healthy eating is a way for you to take out the food that makes you feel down. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel sluggish. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel regret. Only eat and drink things that will help you to feel good about yourself. Not to mention that when eating healthy foods you also gain clarity. Stay away from junk food.

Remember journaling is way to put your thoughts down on paper. Even if it feels pointless the thought has been written and maybe now you can let it go.

If you experience any thoughts about self deleting please call for help or ask for help. People are not mind readers and don’t know what is going on. So please do seek help because you are not alone.

Last but not least remember God isn’t just the Creator. He can be your partner, your friend, your guide, your anchor through your life. If you truly need someone always there God is the perfect companion for you.

To Vote or Not to Vote?!?

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Do you vote in political elections?

Yes I do vote I think it’s extremely important to vote. Sometimes I believe it won’t make a difference but in truth if I don’t vote I have no reason to complain. Not voting is like not speaking. Regardless of what one might say they still have the right to say it. It might be something no one wants to hear, or might be something worth hearing but if one chooses not to speak they have silenced themselves.

As a Puerto Rican Christian American born in this great beautiful country it’s an honor to live here. To vote for what I believe in. To voice my thoughts, to let my voice be heard. It’s a beautiful thing to have freedoms that many places don’t have in the world.

I am extremely blessed to live here. It’s not perfect but no place on earth is perfect. I vote for my values. Every time I vote I pray before entering the booth. God truly is the Power and he can raise kings or bring them down. So I make sure the person I vote for is one that values America. A person that loves this country. One that believes in the American people. One that wants the American people to thrive. One that believes that We the People have the power and not some lobbyist or agency. It’s what the founders wanted for America. Freedom from tyranny.

As I have gotten older I see more of the value of voting in each election. It’s important for all Americans to vote. If we don’t protect our rights the government won’t. We the People must always protect and remember this is our country and whoever we vote works for us not themselves. If they work for anyone else they needed to be voted out.

Be proud my fellow Americans for God will get us through these dark days. We must trust His Plan. ~Emma~

Feeling down?

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When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Life lesson

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Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.

I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.

Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.