Tag: coping skills

Letting you in

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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.

But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.

I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.

Journals

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Do you have any collections?

I have a collection of journals. I started to write in my first diary at the age of 12. My mom was the one that bought me this little purple diary with a lock on it. After that she would buy me one for Christmas if I asked for one. I would ask for them because it depends how much I wrote. I know right now I have about 24 books. I have also a prayer book, a poem book, dream book, and my love book.

Reminder: Mental Health Awareness

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As I have said before May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a list of things that have helped me. I hope they help you. You are not alone.

Also trying to be a better version of yourself doesn’t mean you are weak.

Learning to forgive others for what they have done for you, only makes you feel stronger.

Self care is something we all must do. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will either.

Therapy is a tool to be used not ignored.

I want to encourage everyone that kindness goes a long away.

Coping skills are there to remind you, how to deal with issues.

Praying is one of the greatest ways to heal and find true peace.

Working out helps to make you feel good and give you the confidence you need.

Healthy eating is a way for you to take out the food that makes you feel down. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel sluggish. Don’t eat anything that will make you feel regret. Only eat and drink things that will help you to feel good about yourself. Not to mention that when eating healthy foods you also gain clarity. Stay away from junk food.

Remember journaling is way to put your thoughts down on paper. Even if it feels pointless the thought has been written and maybe now you can let it go.

If you experience any thoughts about self deleting please call for help or ask for help. People are not mind readers and don’t know what is going on. So please do seek help because you are not alone.

Last but not least remember God isn’t just the Creator. He can be your partner, your friend, your guide, your anchor through your life. If you truly need someone always there God is the perfect companion for you.

Feeling down?

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When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Life lesson

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Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.

I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.

Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.

What it’s the truth?!?

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Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~

It’s hard

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What do you do when you are searching for yourself? Trying to become the best version of yourself. Meanwhile trying to find who that person truly is. I became lost long ago. Years went by and now finally I am becoming a better version of myself. Disciplining myself, finding ways to become more independent and more confident in everything I do. For so long, I realized I could not truly be in a relationship as an adult, because I still acted like a child. It’s only through the last few years and especially the last few months that I realize that in order to become a better version of myself, I needed to set goals. I needed to discipline myself. I needed to learn or should I say relearn better coping skills, how to be able to communicate properly with others and not try to fall into old patterns. Patterns that were not healthy but instead create new healthier habits. Create healthier coping skills. Learning to communicate my own feelings, my own thoughts, without getting angry or hurt. While also taking into consideration that not everything will go my way. There are just some things that I just need to let go and learn to accept them as nothing more than fleeting memories, fleeting moments, with fleeting people. Friendships live and friendships die. Time will tell but in the end it is I that will be stronger. Which makes all the pain worth all the lessons I needed to learn to grow. It’s hard I won’t pretend it will be easy. Nothing worth having is ever easy.

Energy

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What things give you energy?

Working out gives me energy, going through one of my bipolar highs gives me a lot of energy. Maybe sometimes a little too much energy it can be overwhelming for others. But two things that give me a lot of energy.

Sleepless nights

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Every night I head to bed, take my medication to help me sleep but recently haven’t been able to sleep the whole night. I used to think it was the stress I am under. I am doing a lot of different projects at once and that could be the reason. On the other hand I was sleeping just fine a couple of months ago. So what changed? At this very moment I have no clue I fell asleep about 12:30-1:00am. I was tired and had a long day taking care of the dogs. So again I was tired, played my games and headed to bed. Now here I am at 4:04 am in the morning wondering how is this my new normal. I went from sleeping the whole night to sleeping just a few hours. Like I said fell asleep around 12-1 and I woke up about 3:30 half hour later I am still trying to fall back asleep. I really can’t shut my mind off and I praying God helps me. Let’s hope. I will try to head to bed again hoping this time will be the moment I fall asleep. I will let you know how good that works tomorrow. Nite ~Emma~

Finding my own way…

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Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

After I became sick I was on many medications that made me gain a lot of weight. Always being thin I had no clue how it felt to gain so much weight. After years later and I started getting better at controlling my moods I also started to control my weight. Seeing how all the weight was gained because of the medications, I was slowly taken off most of them. With my doctor’s approval. I lost so much weight but I am no where near the weight I was before becoming sick. So I spend my time dog sitting(my business) which helps to keep me active. It keeps me walking and constantly moving. It has helped me mentally and physically taking care of the dogs. I eat healthy meals and focused my goal to return to me original weight. It’s harder now that I am older but I refuse to give up. Learning to live life after being sick and learning ways to combat the slide of any mental illness is not easy. It’s a constant battle for me each day. Dog sitting is one example of my many ways of trying to live a sustainable lifestyle. I find different things to keep me growing into a better version of the person I was yesterday while also learning to live a better day today. It’s not easy but I try to keep my focus and just ask God to help me each day. It takes time to learn how to find a balance within yourself. But it can be done, again not easy but totally worth it when you get there. Finding the path to a healthy lifestyle while growing, learning to become a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically will be beautiful when I reach my goal. As for now I take it one day at a time, one walk at a time, one meal at a time, one coping skill at a time. It’s hard especially when you want to give up when life gets so dark but you must never giveyes up. My number one thing I do each day is thank God for waking me up and I ask to give me the strength and He does. I am still learning to not suffocate people instead enjoy the silence alone. I am trying to learn to take time for myself. I am also trying to learn to allow space for myself for my feelings for my thoughts. While also learning to give people the space that they need. While also learning to give people the space that they need. These are some of the things I do to help me live a sustainable lifestyle. Learning to respect myself and others, and giving time for things to grow. I hope the reading this you can learn something to. Have a beautiful night\day. ~Emma~