Random thoughts

I try hard to keep up. You have never made it easy so I gave up. Time has lost all its luster and my feelings are dead. I stop caring after learning you can careless. It’s like the quote goes from How I met your mother…

“You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option: you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.” – Ted Mosby

Cry for love : The Mary Onettes

Because of your mother

I can’t seem to forget

That our love is a trembling one

And healthy to my soul

Because of your father

You’ve got a hole in your trust

And when I see you hide it I wish I could

Remove it from your heart

In silence I make promises

I’m lying still in the dark

And because of your peaceful soul

I keep thinking to myself

Don’t, don’t, don’t cry for love

Cry for love

Don’t, don’t, don’t cry for love

Cry for love

Don’t you cry for love

It’s a part of our path

Think about the way

Things were left to be

It’s a raging sea

And colors that you won’t be

Here to see

And it’s just a matter of time

Till they put me in the grave

Till they put you in the grave

So I don’t, don’t, don’t, cry for love

I don’t cry for love

Twisted Hearts: written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

Days

Weeks

Months

Years

Still you managed to make me smile today

It’s been over a year

My thoughts go back in time

To a time we would just laugh

Endless chatters

Sharing secrets

Careless whispers in the night

Song lists from the heart

Music that made us feel connected

Nights falling asleep sounds in our ears

Words that made us express our deepest desires

Though the puzzle never fit

We tried to find ways

Life decided for us

You were right coffee, no one is to blame

Life is to blame

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I am the chaos and the chaos is me….

How does one ever truly learn to treat others than not by the people around them? How can a girl learn how a man is to treat her if the men around her weren’t strong or a good example? How can she learn what love looks like when she doesn’t know? Questions I have asked myself a dozen times. I have never truly found love or been loved by a man because I don’t know what that feels like. Though I might not have the love of a father that showed me how to love and be loved, my mother showed me a different kind of love. It’s weird because my father has always provided for us but has never truly been there, if that makes any sense. I guess it’s why I have never truly found a man to love me. It’s because I have never seen a strong relationship around me. With that said my mother has shown me love beyond words. But I will save that for Mother’s Day. But today my blog is about not having a strong man to show me how love is suppose to be like. Am I doomed to never know what love is? I have given my heart to men that have never deserved my heart. But was I truly in love if I have never known what love was? Love is more than butterflies in your stomach or feeling happy to see someone. It’s a connection, more than just a connection it’s respect, it’s unconditional, and it’s something worth fighting for I assume. Maybe not knowing how to love is a good thing. A chaotic soul as myself will surely find it easier being alone when you feel no one can truly hold you down. It’s easy to fall in and out of love with men I will never truly give my heart to. It’s easy to love someone far away like on the other side of the country because you will never be with them. Falling in love with their soul is easy but it’s truly never real. It’s easy to feel like it is real for the time because it does feel real but as time moves you know it is not real. In the end you learn it was just a connection you had with someone but never truly loved them. So on this Friday night I wonder will I ever fall in love or learn what that feels like. I guess only time will tell for as the night passes, my mind wanders into the chaos of stars in the sky. As the warm temperatures are high I know one day all my questions will be answered. But on this day, this night I sit in the quiet peace of the chaotic soothing sound of silence. Have a blessed weekend my friends. ~Emma~