Tag: brokenheart

Taking time away

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It’s been a busy week for me. Yesterday I felt like complete crap due to the migraine that took a hold of my brain. I went to bed at 9 pm just to see if I could get rid of it. Thank God I woke up without it this morning.

So on this Sabbath I am enjoying time with the family and in the Peace of the Presence of the Creator. Taking time each week to spend time in reflection or even just in the Presence of God has really helped me. I can’t explain it as much as I can tell you all to try it. It really does change your perspective.

Have a great day. ~Emma~

To the One with No Name

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I don’t think about you anymore. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend. I no longer care to have the same worthless conversations about my flaws and shortcomings. I am not perfect never pretended to be anything other than myself.

You are the one that pretended to be someone you aren’t. So I go to bed with my conscience completely clear. I don’t pretend to be something I am not.

I am a difficult person to love and even more difficult to understand. I am fiercely loyal and willing to move mountains for those whom I love. I am upfront and don’t lie about my feelings. I am not fake and will never try to fit into a role because someone else thinks I should. I have my own personal opinions about politics. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I will never apologize for that.

I am completely confident in myself. I know I am constantly growing and learning from my mistakes and experiences in life. I can’t apologize for the past because it doesn’t exist for me. I know you can’t understand that and I won’t try to explain it.

I used to think maybe one day you would realize that. That I would always be there for you even in the darkest times of life. But I have mourned our relationship and have buried it.

Just as the dead cannot speak, we move on. The future is before us, will our paths cross again maybe, maybe not. Either way I hold no grudges towards you. You are in very long list of memories or times I no longer visit. Tucked away like a bookmark in a page of a book I will never read again. Always~Emma~

Letting you in

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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The thing I am scared to do the most is to allow people into my heart. Time after time, I have a lot of people in my heart, but never really given my heart away. I built this wall around myself. I know it’s been there. Maybe it’s protecting myself from the bad things that I have experienced.

But as I’ve grown more comfortable being myself, I’ve also learned that in order to truly have a good relationship with another person, you open yourself and be willing to get hurt.

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned to understand what I like about a man while also learning to be more open, act like a grownup and learning a relationship is a partnership you give and take but always have each other’s backs. I wanna be honest, I wanna connect intellectually. I want to feel more than just a connection.

I want him to teach me new things while also learning how to grow together as one. This has been a scary thought for many years. I have thought I had fallen but the truth is I always hid a piece of myself and was never really honest. I hope the day comes I can find someone to be myself around.

Feeling down?

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

When you feel down get on your knees and pray to God. When you are drowning in pain, get on your knees and pray to God. When all hope is so lost you can’t find your way, get on your knees and pray to God. I know it might seem silly. If you have to plead and yell and scream talk to God.

I know it might seem hopeless and pointless. I have one thing in life that has consistently given me the strength to keep going, that is God. I hope when you read this, you take these words to heart. Remember God is with you. Have a good night~Emma~

Remember Me : written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

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Knowing what you did angers me

Knowing the lies you told hurts me

Knowing what you didn’t say breaks me

Knowing the knife you stuck in me

Knowing the scar it will leave me

Knowing the lack of trust I will have because of this injury

Knowing each moment you faked with me

Knowing the words you said weren’t friendly

Knowing you were really insulting me

Knowing that you feel nothing for me

Knowing that you won’t even care to talk to me

Knowing how broken you left me

Knowing the tears sting and burn me

Knowing you were just another snake to me

Knowing everything about me

Knowing I valued loyalty

Knowing you took advantage of me

Forgiveness is something I won’t grant thee

You may have won this fight believe me

Karma is a bitch trust me

Knowing when she comes you will remember me

Knowing that will be the day of Justice for me.

Am I the problem

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Last night I got into a fight with someone. He is a friend or I would like to think we are friends. Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend or just someone that annoys him. I was upset because I don’t have many friends so after the death of my beloved Spencer last Friday I was feeling really down and depressed. I spent an hour crying and after crying I got super mad. Maybe I pointed the anger the wrong way which I can admit but it also made me wonder why this person didn’t even reach out to see if I am okay. We spoke several times through the day but not once did he ask. Maybe I am wrong to have expected anything from anyone only setting myself for disappointment. But I truly believed it was different with us that our friendship was genuine and true. But maybe the only fool was me for actually believing that we were friends. Or maybe I thought of the relationship as more than it was. I really don’t want to believe that but then again I have been told I am delusional, chaotic and a drama queen. So adding to that growing list, clueless and stupid wouldn’t be that far out there. I wanted to end this on a positive note so I will finish with this. After telling this person I was mad at them, would not talk to them because I was pissed that they didn’t even reach out. I was told that it was my choice to not speak to them and when I do decide to speak to them they won’t be around. Which brings me back to my main concern which is am I the problem and was it my fault that caused the situation. Am I the one who is being unreasonable with just expecting someone to just reach out to see if I am okay. Or am I just dumb to even think of us as friends? I leave the question to you hopefully you can answer me. It’s clear his answer will be nothing but crickets so I do hope someone can give me some good advice. Maybe I am delusional but I don’t know what to do. I keep giving my heart in these friendships and I am constantly abandoned by the same people that say they will be there. Maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there. Am I the problem? ~Emma~

Cut ties

Emma the MizfitLeave a comment

Stop waiting for people that don’t give a crap about you to accept you. You look for validation from people that should not even be on your radar. So my advice, from my own personal experience is to just move on, do not look back. Whoever is left behind, never deserved to be in your presence. Have a blessed weekend. ~Emma~

Broken Trust : written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace

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Black arrows go piercing through the night

Screaming in agony as blood pours out her mouth

The shots piercing close to the heart

Hiding in the shadows she tries to run

He points the arrows to hit again

With disgust in his eyes

Tears fall as she cries

Pleading and begging for her life

He leans back with his bow

Shoots her right through the leg

She falls to the ground

No expression as he walks down

The death of her merely an inconvenience he tries to say

Abandoned and laying in a pool of blood

Her eyes filled with suffering the unbearable pain

She looks to the star filled sky as her breathing starts to fade

Looking down at her

He bends down to whisper words for her to hear

“You were never worthy of being here with me”

He reaches and grabs one more arrow

His hand sweeps her tear filled face

He sticks the arrow deep within her heart

Tear stained cheeks as life leaves her behind

With pity he looks back his head facing down

Sorry for the chaos of putting her down

Sorrow sweeps into his heart

The smell of her scent

The way she smiled

The way she laughed

The way she felt in his arms

The memories rush to him like hitting a brick wall

But as cold as ice he simply pushes them away

He no longer can afford to care

No one will get that close he vows to the sky

She is the last one to ever make him feel alive

Consumed by death he walks away

Never to return to the way of light

He walks in the darkness never to see the day

For the light he once held is gone and dead

No longer left to shine in his world

Walking back he tries to forget her face

But he looks back one more time and turns away.