What things give you energy?
Working out gives me energy, going through one of my bipolar highs gives me a lot of energy. Maybe sometimes a little too much energy it can be overwhelming for others. But two things that give me a lot of energy.
Tag: bipolar
Sleepless nights
Every night I head to bed, take my medication to help me sleep but recently haven’t been able to sleep the whole night. I used to think it was the stress I am under. I am doing a lot of different projects at once and that could be the reason. On the other hand I was sleeping just fine a couple of months ago. So what changed? At this very moment I have no clue I fell asleep about 12:30-1:00am. I was tired and had a long day taking care of the dogs. So again I was tired, played my games and headed to bed. Now here I am at 4:04 am in the morning wondering how is this my new normal. I went from sleeping the whole night to sleeping just a few hours. Like I said fell asleep around 12-1 and I woke up about 3:30 half hour later I am still trying to fall back asleep. I really can’t shut my mind off and I praying God helps me. Let’s hope. I will try to head to bed again hoping this time will be the moment I fall asleep. I will let you know how good that works tomorrow. Nite ~Emma~
Remember Me : written by Emmanuelle-Rose Grace
Knowing what you did angers me
Knowing the lies you told hurts me
Knowing what you didn’t say breaks me
Knowing the knife you stuck in me
Knowing the scar it will leave me
Knowing the lack of trust I will have because of this injury
Knowing each moment you faked with me
Knowing the words you said weren’t friendly
Knowing you were really insulting me
Knowing that you feel nothing for me
Knowing that you won’t even care to talk to me
Knowing how broken you left me
Knowing the tears sting and burn me
Knowing you were just another snake to me
Knowing everything about me
Knowing I valued loyalty
Knowing you took advantage of me
Forgiveness is something I won’t grant thee
You may have won this fight believe me
Karma is a bitch trust me
Knowing when she comes you will remember me
Knowing that will be the day of Justice for me.
Know the difference
The best person to be around is someone that listens to you. Someone that accepts you and your crazy ways. One that still takes the extra time to let you know they will always be there for you no matter what. One that you never feel that you are constantly letting down by being yourself. If you find someone like that hold on to them. Because not everyone you meet will be that way in life. You will find many that will judge, cast stones, speak to you like you are stupid and dumb. Those are the ones you avoid. Because those people aren’t friends they are enemies learn the difference. ~Emma~
I am the chaos and the chaos is me….
How does one ever truly learn to treat others than not by the people around them? How can a girl learn how a man is to treat her if the men around her weren’t strong or a good example? How can she learn what love looks like when she doesn’t know? Questions I have asked myself a dozen times. I have never truly found love or been loved by a man because I don’t know what that feels like. Though I might not have the love of a father that showed me how to love and be loved, my mother showed me a different kind of love. It’s weird because my father has always provided for us but has never truly been there, if that makes any sense. I guess it’s why I have never truly found a man to love me. It’s because I have never seen a strong relationship around me. With that said my mother has shown me love beyond words. But I will save that for Mother’s Day. But today my blog is about not having a strong man to show me how love is suppose to be like. Am I doomed to never know what love is? I have given my heart to men that have never deserved my heart. But was I truly in love if I have never known what love was? Love is more than butterflies in your stomach or feeling happy to see someone. It’s a connection, more than just a connection it’s respect, it’s unconditional, and it’s something worth fighting for I assume. Maybe not knowing how to love is a good thing. A chaotic soul as myself will surely find it easier being alone when you feel no one can truly hold you down. It’s easy to fall in and out of love with men I will never truly give my heart to. It’s easy to love someone far away like on the other side of the country because you will never be with them. Falling in love with their soul is easy but it’s truly never real. It’s easy to feel like it is real for the time because it does feel real but as time moves you know it is not real. In the end you learn it was just a connection you had with someone but never truly loved them. So on this Friday night I wonder will I ever fall in love or learn what that feels like. I guess only time will tell for as the night passes, my mind wanders into the chaos of stars in the sky. As the warm temperatures are high I know one day all my questions will be answered. But on this day, this night I sit in the quiet peace of the chaotic soothing sound of silence. Have a blessed weekend my friends. ~Emma~
Never lose hope
As each day goes by, I am reminded that people are not good. I try to think the good will eventually win I mean I believe in God, so I do believe that good will eventually win. But I also see the darkness that is spreading around. I see it seeping into the souls of people, pettiness, the evil thoughts that they just become. I don’t doubt God I don’t doubt that one day this will all end. It’s impossible for us to continue to walk in this darkness. I do have to say that I am disheartened by the reality of the people that I see in the world. It breaks my heart to see a generation growing up, looking at this future that is just so grim. I do hope that the future is better. I do hope tomorrow is better. I do hope and I will continue to hope that each day gets better. It’s weird when I was young I used to not think so much. As an adult, you’re constantly thinking of everything, thinking of life, thinking the choices you’ve made, thinking of just every single thing. I was once called a romantic because I believe in happy endings. I guess I am the kind of person that does believe that good does prevail at the end of the day, even if that’s not what happens in reality. I think if we lose that hope the grim reality of darkness takes a hold of us and we become the monsters that are running the earth now. I hope tomorrow is a beautiful day not just for you, but also for me. I hope each new day gets better for all of us, and I hope we never lose that hope. Have a blessed night. ~Emma~
Mental Health Awareness Month
As Mental Health Awareness Month begins, I hope everyone finds time to reach across to someone who might be in need of help. Just call a friend, check in see how they are doing. Sometimes kindness goes a long way so please again just reach out to your neighbors, friends or family. It’s okay to not be okay. You are not alone. Have a blessed day. ~Emma~
Silver Lining
I have been in such a bad mood. I have tried to get out of it unfortunately it’s been holding on to me. I went for my usual long walk with my sister to see if I could shake it. 2miles later still felt like crap. It does seem to happen around a certain time of the month which I am sure that ties into it. I try to be a positive force for others that might be going through the same but unfortunately even I can’t be that positive force all the time. I just wanted to share that even though I cannot be that positive force all the time there are people around me that try to be when they know I am not in a good place. So even though I am still in a very negative mood. I hope your day is filled with people that help you get into a better mind set. It’s not easy nothing in life is but never give up. Not every day is filled with sunshine and rainbows but each day of life is a new day to find hope and a silver lining. May your day be filled with both. ~Emma~
Life lessons
This week has been extremely hard and long. Super busy working and still somehow getting sucked into drama that just shouldn’t include me. As I sit on this Sabbath in a state of rest reminding myself that God only allows what we can handle. We forget that we are made stronger by each and every single event in our life. I know it might seem like a struggle, it sure as hell does feel that way for me. But we must never give up. We must keep fighting. So today I ask you to take time for yourself. Take time to reflect, to mediate, to pray, to speak to God, be one with yourself. Allow healing to come into you and allow God’s power to strengthen you to keep fighting. Because you are loved and you are not alone. Have a beautiful blessed day. ~Emma~
Never give up
Never stop being the best version of yourself. Many will try to change you. Many will find ways to convince you that you are not good enough. Many will try to let you believe that you are too broken to be loved. Don’t let that thinking keep you from shining the light God put inside you. Instead keep fighting the darkness that is trying to destroy you. Only you can fight that darkness. Only you have the power to keep fighting. Stay strong. You are not alone. ~Emma~
Emma the Mizfit 