It’s been a struggle for me the last few months with the ups and downs of the bipolar. I have decided again to try and find another therapist and try to find another group therapy to get into. I know I was doing much better during that time period but the program was cut because of funds. Ofc as we know mental health is the first program that get cut in the health industry. Especially when the state is making decisions as to where money goes. It’s been something I have struggled with for the last 2 years mainly because of the fact that my psychiatrist of many years died in 2020 and my therapist died two years ago. Bipolar ppl don’t deal good with changes and this year losing my another good therapist due to funding in hospital program along with my group therapy that I attended weekly. Adding the loss of my dog, uncle and losing friends. So for a few months the lack of therapy has definitely taken a toll and finally I have no choice but to try and find myself both. Without any therapy I will end up spiraling completely out of control so I know I must get back to the basics and find another. Unfortunately it’s not easy and exhausting to constantly look for another group or even just a good therapist. I write this blog to vent my frustrations with just the whole process and lack of help that is out there for myself and ppl like me. People wonder why there is such a crisis when it comes to mental health, I don’t. I know the main problems but unfortunately I cannot solve them. I have tried endlessly to speak out but no one actually wants to help the mental health community or the effects it has on people. They just don’t care. As in life we must choose to either get ourselves up or let life devour us. I know my story seems silly but unfortunately it’s the truth. I at least have my faith in God which is unwavering. So I know in the end I still hold onto hope. I hope if you read this and have no hope you find some strength inside yourself, ask God for help but do ask for help. hope you have a blessed weekend.
Tag: advice
Bear my feelings
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
I have a Winnie the Pooh bear that was given to me I believe it was my first boyfriend but I don’t really remember who gave it to me. Regardless during my sickness and my darkest time Winnie was always there with me. Every night I went to bed he slept next to me. When I was hospitalized, when I traveled Winnie was always with me. It’s been a couple of years since he has slept with me hugging him but he still is in my room. I think he was my security blanket. When I had horrible dreams he was the one I held tight to. He was my comfort, he is so old and worn from being washed his colors have faded but he is still my favorite bear. When I am down I will still hug him to make myself feel better.
Pro life
How have your political views changed over time?
As I have gotten older I have become more conservative. When I was younger g I wouldn’t say I was super liberal but somewhat. As time has passed my views changed. Especially when it came to abortion. The fact that the baby isn’t even considered a human being makes me extremely sad. Many women never get the chance to have a child of their own and you have some women just aborting babies. I am sorry if it comes off as judgmental but the killing of an innocent child should never be celebrated or praised as a good thing. Becoming a warrior for Christ meant defending the innocent. I don’t wish harm on others especially those that have committed such acts. That is between them and God. But as long as I have breath I will continue advocating as a pro-lifer and one that advocates for the mentally ill.
Dancing to a puppy tune
What was the last thing you did for play or fun?
The last thing I did for fun was dance to Christmas music with three dogs trying to jump on me. They danced at my legs trying to climb on me. It was so nice and fun to just dance in the living room with all their little faces looking at me. I did it today by the way, and it was epic. 🤣🐶❤️
Not really
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.
Well if it has to be someone that I have never met per as without a spiritual connection it would have to be Jesus Christ. He gives me the direction I must go. Fills my heart when I am sad and hopeless. He gives me hope that no matter how dark times maybe He will always be by my side. As for a man not counting Jesus Christ, a few have come and gone that have left impressions and lessons I have learned from them. But to be honest I have never met anyone other than Jesus that has positively influenced my life. Again don’t get me wrong few have come and helped me to grow into a better person. But if I weigh that against how they made me feel or the way the spoke to me or treated me, it would be a hard not enough to justify them being in my life at all.
Passion
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
When someone is speaking about something they are passionate about. You don’t even have to understand everything they say the fact they feel so passionate about it you can feel it with every word they say.
Random thoughts
I try hard to keep up. You have never made it easy so I gave up. Time has lost all its luster and my feelings are dead. I stop caring after learning you can careless. It’s like the quote goes from How I met your mother…
“You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option: you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.” – Ted Mosby
Did it my way…
What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever found (and kept)?
That’s a hard one. Let me think. The coolest thing I have found and kept is the ability to be myself and not conform to what someone else thinks I should be. Even in my youth I always went against the followers. It’s like the song goes by Frank Sinatra
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Podcasts
What podcasts are you listening to?
Listen to Louder with Crowder, sometimes Rogan, some of my fellow YouTubers, Tim Pool, PBD, and a few others.
Set time for yourself
How do you manage screen time for yourself?
I have my phone set to go off after 10pm each night. On the iPhone you can set that for yourself. I am trying to spend less time on the phone and game. I spend a lot of time on X, TikTok, YouTube, Rumble, Discord, Reddit, and not to mention all the games I play. It helps me to try and distance myself from the phone and everything else. It’s extremely important for me to spend the time either reading, talking to God or even just listening to music. Keeping myself out of all the noise of the world. We become so overwhelmed with information that we never take time to just spend time away from everything going on. It’s important for me to spend time away from the noise of the news and everything for my own sanity. Spending time with my own thoughts makes it easier for me find time to breathe and clear my mind not focus on anything outside of my control instead focus on what I can control, myself.
Emma the Mizfit 