Life lesson

Last week has been hell and I am so happy for the new week to start. Today spent the day or should I say most of the day playing with the team. I used to love playing the game. I guess sometimes I enjoy it more than others but not nearly as much as I used to. I hardly use it as a coping skill anymore. I used to find farming super relaxing. Now it’s just become a nuisance.

I guess most would assume I played the game so much because I was alone. They never understood the main reason for playing the game. After long years of being sick, I lost all social interactions. The game was a way to learn to speak to people again. After years of being in and out of hospital it became therapeutic. I lost my ability to form sentences while being sick. So playing the game helped me to learn to speak again and learn to be around others. Even though it was completely different from normal interactions, it was still very difficult for me.

Still today trying to say the right words can be difficult. Sometimes I run in circles in the conversation trying to break the loop and people don’t understand why. It’s hard to explain so I just don’t anymore. Most people think they understand and can relate but the truth is you can’t. Unless you have lived my life, you will never truly comprehend what it has felt like. I have met so many people that have said well why don’t you just find yourself a nice man. Without ever understanding that it has taken me years to get this far because I couldn’t even speak words. I am not victim nor do I need anyone to feel sorry for me. I know each day I wake up it is blessing for me. When you have lived in complete darkness, you learn to see the world through a different perspective. You embrace the light in the world. You embrace the happy moments in life. You embrace the small tiny things that make you smile. You embrace the silver lining in everything. You learn to embrace that even though you might not be in the sunshine or under a beautiful rainbow, somewhere in the world there is both. That is truly enough for me to have that strength to hold on and keep moving forward. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed week. May this one be a good week.

What it’s the truth?!?

Someone writes me to tell me how could I be so cold. I completely cut off communication with this individual and they didn’t understand why. Well this person refused to even ask themselves why I would even respond when they haven’t written me in months. Since I decided not to respond to the person instead block them. I will write them here. This message will probably never be read by them but for me it’s therapeutic to close the chapter. I don’t like wasting my time. If I spend time on you, talking to you, making myself available for you and that is taken for granted I will cut you out and move on. Like I have said before many times, I am not a fake person. I will not pretend to be a friend when I am not. I can tolerate people but pretending to be a friend when I am not is something I cannot do. With that said, if you cannot find time to write me or even ask how I am doing for MONTHS after me constantly extending myself to you, please explain to me why I should even care when you slide into my dms. I wish you well, I hope you thrive, for many healthy years to come but again I am not looking back. My focus is on the future, I am doing a lot of different things, my time is extremely limited. So for you to think I am wasting anymore time on this, you should really know me better. Sincerely ~Emma~Mizfit Queen~

Dogs giving me advice?!?

I was told the other day I need to find myself a partner. So there is a whole back story but what is interesting is how people just assume so much about me. I don’t compare my life to anyone. I have complete trust in God no matter the path I must walk. Even if it means walking this life alone with just Him. I am doing what I thought was the right thing. Which by the way is the right thing to do. But somehow this individual took it upon himself to tell me this and how I need to find someone. Why would it interest someone, my love life? Don’t really know but it seems it was advice no one was asking for. I sure as hell didn’t ask for his opinion or advice, yet somehow he took it upon himself to give me life advice. Kettle meet pot.

At first I was completely offended. How dare this MF call me a loser? I mean isn’t that what you would assume he meant by his words, that was my first response. My second response was far more of and angry AF swearing like this man isn’t even married and he has the audacity to talk about me? Wtf!!!

After much thought and reflection I realized who the fk cares what some a hole thinks. My life doesn’t revolve around some a hole that thinks he can pass judgement on a day in my life that he has never lived.

I am not going to sit here and say “living my best life.” That would be a lie. I struggle, I work, I do a lot of things to keep myself busy. I run a business. I am working on a book. I don’t do one thing, I am doing many things. I spend time on social media because in order to do anything on social media you have to build yourself up. Which means spending time on social media interacting with others on social media that’s how you gain a following. People think that’s not work but it is a lot of work. A lot of time you don’t get paid for.

Either which way I did realize that this person doesn’t know crap about me. Made assumptions based on my time playing the game and came to the conclusion I need a man. Well darling I do need a man. A real man one that can treat me good and is a God fearing Christian man.

My path is the one I am building that God is helping me build. No one knows where it will lead but God does and that is enough for me.

So thank you Mr kettle for pointing out how I need a partner. Hope you got to laugh with friends while calling me a loser. Darling, I have been called worse and to be honest after this blog I will never think about it again. Life is too short to be dwelling on things that can’t be changed. I am focusing on my goals and heading in that direction. So thanks for the advice no one asked for.

Yes that is my rant. Nite y’all. ~Emma~

Women’s Prime

As I posted on my channel today, a woman’s prime is in her 20s. In your 20s, it is a good time to get married and have children. There are many reasons why this is the case. Most women don’t understand or most people don’t want to understand. A woman’s body is easier to bounce back from pregnancy when they are in their 20s. You have more energy in your 20’s to raise kids. I don’t make the rules it’s just life. Unfortunately, feminism has destroyed that ideology and has imprinted in a whole new generation that you can get married whenever you like, at whatever age, and it’s all the same. It doesn’t matter you can have it all. The truth of the matter is that is a LIE.

Unfortunately, many have bought into the lie. Declining birth rates, a lot of women that are now infertile “maybe” due to birth control, I don’t know. What I do now is the feminism has changed your society drastically. It has not changed it for the better but has changed it for the worse. People get mad when you explain to them that a woman in her prime is usually one that is in her 20s. It’s an inconvenient truth. But it does not change the fact that it is the truth.

I used to think women were able to do anything and it’s not that women can’t. It’s about what we were designed for. God made man in his image and he created woman out of man. She was to be his companion, his wife, the mother of his children, she was supposed to be his equal partner. That changed the moment Eve ate the fruit, now some might argue well I don’t believe that story or it’s just a “story”. I don’t doubt God’s Word. The first verse of the Bible reads…

‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” (Gen 1-3 NIV)’

The reason I state this is because God said let there be light and there was light. His Words were spoken and it formed light. His Word has the power to create life. So I would never doubt His Words because they aren’t just words in a book they are living words from God.

The desire in our society is to recreate the world we are living in. Movies are taken from the past, to be recreated to fit the new world. This has been done through the evil darkness that is called Satan. He tempted, like in the garden Eve and he tempts women daily. Making them believe they are more powerful than man. They don’t need man. They are stronger without having children. Why give that all up when you can be free. To have sex with anyone. No husband, no children . The truth is this leaves a void that cannot be filled by the world. For it wasn’t made by the world, it was by the Creator of the world when he made woman out of man. The reason I go down this rabbit hole of the holy Bible and God is because of just that. We have strayed away from the one that created what we(women) were made for. I understand there are many cases that are exceptions to the rule. I am one of them, that didn’t get the choices I wanted, the life I wanted. But I also believe that maybe it was designed for me that way to reach a different goal, that God wanted for me.

Bringing this back to my original post women are powerful they were made to be mothers, wives, sister, they were made to be the caregivers of the world. While was man to work and provide for his family.

The other inconvenient truth is that as you get older as a woman that has never been married, it is harder to date men. Men are searching for women that are younger. They want to be able to have children, they want to start fresh so they look for younger girls. So a woman that is in her 30s and 40s and 50s the dynamics of what you are looking for in a man or a partner change. Learning to be flexible in what you were searching for and learning that you might end up being a stepmom, but you know what be the best damn stepmom. You might not end up with any kids even if you wanted them, but you have to deal with it.

Life isn’t fair. None of us chose to be born. Yet we were given this beautiful thing called life. It doesn’t last long, you find yourself, in your 20s, then you find yourself in your 30s, then you find yourself in your 40s, and then in your 50s. Life doesn’t stop it keeps going. Death does not pardon anyone, we will all face it one day. just like we will face getting old one day. Instead of embracing, and holding on to fantasies of what we think women should be and what women should do why don’t we inspire the younger generation growing up?

I hope to be the beacon of that hope of all those girls that might be growing up, thinking they have to be independent without a man. Choose to find another path that might seem boring to so many people, but that is truly fulfilling to herself by becoming a mom and raising her kids.

These superficial things like growing old being fives and tens being rated as fives and tens lip, fillers, plastic surgery all of it, is a façade. At the end of the day, the most beautiful thing a woman can own and can be is being a beautiful soul. When I say be the change, you want to see in the world I truly mean it. My generation was completely screwed up with this whole feminist ideology it has destroyed countless relationships. We are nowhere close to knowing exactly the damage that feminism has caused.

I do hope for the future. I hope we can teach the young girls in this world that they can be strong by being a mom. They can be strong by loving their husband. And to all those exceptions out there, like myself, that are not these feminist crazies that life happened. I pray God gives you the strength to find your path to make a difference. The only way we will be able to break the cycle is changing course and breaking the wheel.

I hope you all have a blessed night. You can find my videos on YouTube, TikTok and Rumble all under emmathemizfit I hope you check them out. I truly hope this gives you hope as it has given me. Stay blessed and always be yourself, Emma.

Secret skill

What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

The secret ability I wish I had was to not love so easily. I give my heart to the wrong people because I fall in love too easily. Is it love, admiration or simply giving of my heart away I don’t know. But I really wish I had the ability like so many others to keep it to myself. It’s hard to always be an open book. It’s hard for me and it’s hard for others. I try never pretend to be something I am not and always share my feelings. I wish I could ignore them I wish I had the ability to keep them to myself but I don’t. I get easily hurt and I immediately close the book on that chapter. Some might say I close it too quickly while others say I dwell for too long. Either way I learn my lesson and move on. But I do wish I had the skill to be able to not fall so hard and be so open about it.

Advice to my teen self…

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

The advice I would give myself as a teenager would be, “don’t allow anyone to control you. That starts by learning to not react to others. Learn self discipline and learn to control yourself. Learn that you can’t change anyone. Learn that you can’t control the circumstances of life. Learn to grow from each situation. Each thing that happens in life will be for a reason, even if you can’t see that now. Allowing your emotions to cloud your mind, leads to you making choices you might never have chosen if you had a clear mind. So allow yourself time to reflect. Allow yourself time to hurt. Allow yourself time to be alone, away from others. Allow yourself to be comfortable in the quietness of yourself. Never give anyone the power over you and that can only start by controlling yourself. Most of all don’t forget that no matter what, you are never truly alone. God will always be with you.”

Evil is what you are…

Yesterday another shooter with gun in a “church”. It’s not the guns fault a lunatic decided to shoot a church. It’s not the fault of the gun that a lunatic decided he was going to shoot Christians. It wasn’t the guns fault a lunatic decided to point the gun into people just because they don’t believe his stupid ideology. I am sick and tired of people constantly blaming guns. It’s not the guns. The problem stems from the lack of God in people’s lives. This lunatic decided to do this because they are evil. Evil exists and instead of calling it evil we paint a brush over it calling it mental illness. This isn’t just a mental health problem it’s a problem that is based in a society that has completely forgotten its moral foundation. Our society lacks the basic morals of a functioning society. It saddens me that people use the tag mental health when this is evil. This man was evil, what he did was evil. He has no morals. He has no humanity for the life of other people. He deserves to be in cage all his life and treated like the animal he is. Evil is not mental illness nor is mental illness evil. If you have a mental health issue and decide to not get help but to continue to live in a delusional world, encouraged by people feeding into your delusions, you are evil and so are they. It’s time people start holding this evil accountable and stop blaming everyone in the mental health community. This lunatic is evil and I pray to God that people learn a lesson from this man. He is evil and everyone that encourages this type of behavior is just as evil. #eviliswhatyouare

Fighting

It’s been a struggle for me the last few months with the ups and downs of the bipolar. I have decided again to try and find another therapist and try to find another group therapy to get into. I know I was doing much better during that time period but the program was cut because of funds. Ofc as we know mental health is the first program that get cut in the health industry. Especially when the state is making decisions as to where money goes. It’s been something I have struggled with for the last 2 years mainly because of the fact that my psychiatrist of many years died in 2020 and my therapist died two years ago. Bipolar ppl don’t deal good with changes and this year losing my another good therapist due to funding in hospital program along with my group therapy that I attended weekly. Adding the loss of my dog, uncle and losing friends. So for a few months the lack of therapy has definitely taken a toll and finally I have no choice but to try and find myself both. Without any therapy I will end up spiraling completely out of control so I know I must get back to the basics and find another. Unfortunately it’s not easy and exhausting to constantly look for another group or even just a good therapist. I write this blog to vent my frustrations with just the whole process and lack of help that is out there for myself and ppl like me. People wonder why there is such a crisis when it comes to mental health, I don’t. I know the main problems but unfortunately I cannot solve them. I have tried endlessly to speak out but no one actually wants to help the mental health community or the effects it has on people. They just don’t care. As in life we must choose to either get ourselves up or let life devour us. I know my story seems silly but unfortunately it’s the truth. I at least have my faith in God which is unwavering. So I know in the end I still hold onto hope. I hope if you read this and have no hope you find some strength inside yourself, ask God for help but do ask for help. hope you have a blessed weekend.